Hello All,
I am a newbie to the site and wanted to share my story. My W's A occurred over 15 years ago. I hope no one here thinks I'm nuts for still carrying this on this long, since I see nearly all of you are much more recent victims. For years I thought all was OK; we sought counseling, went on retreats, enjoyed our children and so on... Recently a "trigger" event threw me for a loop and sent my mind on a rampage. My therapist said it is very similar to PTSD. The therapist employed some effective techniques which quelled the ghosts and flashbacks for a time. She felt however that my wife would need therapy as well due to some unresolved issues on her part. She would hear nothing of if, stating that it is all resolved and in the past and she had no issues to deal with. Since she wouldn't go, I thought on my own I'd employ some techniques learned way back in graduate school. I did tell her about my "ghosts" and flashbacks, and the scars that were left unhealed. She did ask what she could do to help. So, I asked her if I could ask one question from time to time concerning the A. I had a whole list, but would only deal with them one at a time. They dealt with many of the questions mentioned in this thread, when, where, why ... Not the sexual details, but those things that bothered me most. Question #1 - Would you two ever sit around and laugh about what a fool I must have been for not knowing what was going on? That was the end of the questions. She told me that I should ask the therapist if I wanted answers to any question. This was 6 months ago, and things have been on edge since. I really don't know how to approach it ... our shared psychiatrist has offered to counsel, but she refuses. I don't want to leave, especially for our two remaining children at home and I certainly don't want to give up anything financially since it was all her to begin with. I'm lost...
I am a newbie to the site and wanted to share my story. My W's A occurred over 15 years ago. I hope no one here thinks I'm nuts for still carrying this on this long, since I see nearly all of you are much more recent victims. For years I thought all was OK; we sought counseling, went on retreats, enjoyed our children and so on... Recently a "trigger" event threw me for a loop and sent my mind on a rampage. My therapist said it is very similar to PTSD. The therapist employed some effective techniques which quelled the ghosts and flashbacks for a time. She felt however that my wife would need therapy as well due to some unresolved issues on her part. She would hear nothing of if, stating that it is all resolved and in the past and she had no issues to deal with. Since she wouldn't go, I thought on my own I'd employ some techniques learned way back in graduate school. I did tell her about my "ghosts" and flashbacks, and the scars that were left unhealed. She did ask what she could do to help. So, I asked her if I could ask one question from time to time concerning the A. I had a whole list, but would only deal with them one at a time. They dealt with many of the questions mentioned in this thread, when, where, why ... Not the sexual details, but those things that bothered me most. Question #1 - Would you two ever sit around and laugh about what a fool I must have been for not knowing what was going on? That was the end of the questions. She told me that I should ask the therapist if I wanted answers to any question. This was 6 months ago, and things have been on edge since. I really don't know how to approach it ... our shared psychiatrist has offered to counsel, but she refuses. I don't want to leave, especially for our two remaining children at home and I certainly don't want to give up anything financially since it was all her to begin with. I'm lost...
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