I turned my wife down last night. I'm just so tired of it all. Well, I should back up. We've had a bad dynamic for a year or so now. If I initiate she rejects then I withdraw and then she initiates. Because of that I haven't initiated in many months. She had a hysterectomy in November and we started having sex again just before Christmas.
Basically it feels like she's rationing me. Once a week she initiates. But we never kiss. She can't stand it if I kiss her neck or ears. Recently she's complained that her breasts are too sensitive so I have to avoid them too. Sex has become sanitized, stale and disappointing. Emotionally I feel completely detached.
So Friday I went out of my comfort zone in the morning and asked for a bj. She laughed it off. That night she initiated. We had sex, but I was really disappointed because I wanted a bj and regular sex as I described above is very unsatisfying to me. I actually, for the first time in years, let myself finish without getting her off. Then just rolled over and went to sleep. Usually I feel close to her for a few days after sex but that time I didn't really feel anything.
Saturday I was teaching a class so I left early. That day I told her how I feel via text. I let her have it in the same way I post here (ie harsher than usual). I slept on the couch Saturday night. I stayed up until after she was asleep Sunday. Then last night I went to bed with her and turned her down when she initiated. I feel bad about that and she was mad and hurt. I just don't know where to go from here. I'm tired of it all. I'm having a hard time even staying erect with the mediocre sex. It seems like every move I try to make she fights against.
Basically it feels like she's rationing me. Once a week she initiates. But we never kiss. She can't stand it if I kiss her neck or ears. Recently she's complained that her breasts are too sensitive so I have to avoid them too. Sex has become sanitized, stale and disappointing. Emotionally I feel completely detached.
So Friday I went out of my comfort zone in the morning and asked for a bj. She laughed it off. That night she initiated. We had sex, but I was really disappointed because I wanted a bj and regular sex as I described above is very unsatisfying to me. I actually, for the first time in years, let myself finish without getting her off. Then just rolled over and went to sleep. Usually I feel close to her for a few days after sex but that time I didn't really feel anything.
Saturday I was teaching a class so I left early. That day I told her how I feel via text. I let her have it in the same way I post here (ie harsher than usual). I slept on the couch Saturday night. I stayed up until after she was asleep Sunday. Then last night I went to bed with her and turned her down when she initiated. I feel bad about that and she was mad and hurt. I just don't know where to go from here. I'm tired of it all. I'm having a hard time even staying erect with the mediocre sex. It seems like every move I try to make she fights against.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment