Yes, I'm just another heart broken individual and this is another break up thread.. but though it happens all the time, it is an extremely painful, extremely personal incident.
I will therefore really appreciate anyone that reads the whole of this thread and has any advice at all, thank you in advanced.
I posted another topic a while back asking for help regarding my girlfriend (now ex) http://ift.tt/1e8W2NZ.
I am 25 and she was 22. We were together a year. She has ADD, dyslexia and dyspraxia. We had a very 'different' relationship. I noticed from the start she didn't feel comfortable with me, no matter what I did to help her try to relax. This was to the point of she'd be shaking sometimes, and constantly be trying to impress me, or fill every single gap in conversation with conversation. She also was extremely awkward with affection, it took her 3 months to feel comfortable holding my hand as we walked around, and we only ever managed to have sex in the whole year once, successfully (she'd be too tense or nervous and blame it on something else the rest of the time). We'd see each other once a week or so and go to the cinema, go shopping or coffee, or hang out. It was never the relationship type I was used to, but I realised she had difficulties and went along with it, and was happy to simply know her. She once told me that she's socially anxious and in the past has dumep d people simply for getting ''too close'' emotionally too her. She struggled to a huge degree with expressing and understanding her emotions, and very easily became overwhelmed with anything to do with feelings, so through the entire year, I never once heard her tell me she loves me in person, she'd only manage to do it on facebook.
My dad is a child psychologist who told me that she seems to have borderline personality disorder, but it could have been caused due to reactive avoidant attachment disorder she developed aas a child (she had a very rough upbringing and extremely bad parenting).
Despite all of this, I truely did love her. I loved her for all of her strange habits, I didn't need her to tell me she loved me constantly or express her feelings all the time, I just was happy to have her in my life, and I never once pushed her for anything including sex even when we'd only attempt it once every two months or so.
On christmas eve, we had probably one of the nicest days of the year when it came to being affectionate (not sexual). She cuddled up on my chest as we watched TV together and said ''see, a few months ago I would have been too awkward to do this! :) '' and she asked if I'd like to go abroad with her next year.
As soon as boxing day came, she flipped and stopped texting me. A week later we met up for coffee and a chat. She told me this: '' I watched streetdance 2 and decided I watned to learn to dance. I then told myself that you wouldn't be able to learn with me because you live too far away and I let the thought snowball in my mind and get really worked up and now I have a bad feeling in my tummy '' . I explained that living thirty minutes away from her is nothing and I'd absolutely love to learn to dance with her! She told me she felt a bit better but the feeling in her tummy was still there and she'd ''wait before she decides what to do''.
She worked on a farm as a farm hand, and in January - March is lambing season. The year before she warned me that during January - March she would not be able to see me much becuase she works extremely long hours and tends to get extremely irrational and grumpy during that period, and in the past has lost friends. Although a bit odd I once again didn't argue it and said it's okay and I'll look forward to when it's finished to see her again. So after we met up for coffee and she told me about the silly thought that she let snowball in her mind, she went off and started lambing. During this time she acted extremely distant to me. I felt it best to give her a bit of space so the stress of lambing didn't make her 'tummy feeling' (that was initially started by watching the dance movie and her telling herself a completely false assumption) worse.
During this time though, I could just tell that her tummy feeling was getting worse, I felt powerless, what could I do? I tried giving her more space, giving her less... everything, but it got worse and worse. She wouldn't talk to me about it at all, she'd just slowly start ignoring more and more messages Id send her on facebook and texts.
On valentines day she texted me telling me ''happy valentines day, and hows my man today? :) '' which was the nicest thing she'd said for almost a month to me. We didn't do anything on valentines though as she hates the day and again was too busy.
Then on the 15th she suddenly said ''are you free later, we need to talk''. I knew what was coming. I went to her house, she made me a cup of tea and we had a lovely chat and laugh together. She then said ''okay now to the point. Do you mind if we just be friends? Just I realised I'm not missing you anymore despite not seeing you for a few weeks, and it's not right of me to string you along, and my tummy feeling didn't go''. I agreed that if she's not happy it's best to end things, and I gave her a hug and left.
I am just devastated. For an entire year I devoted so much to her, just waiting weeks on end to see her, trying so hard to understand her peculiure behaviour and quirks, and to know that it ended after she developed a delusional thought that got out of control breaks my heart so much. Her best friend told me ''I really wish she wouldn't do it, but she's done it with every guy she's been with. She spends the entire relationships questioning whether she wants to be with them, then leaves them hanging''. I assume this is due to her past relationship with her parents/attachment problem (she did tell me she fears emotional closeness and leaves due to it) or possible borderline personality. I assume also that her bad tummy feeling was not just due to her street dance 2, absurd thought, but also that me and her got very emotionally close on christmas eve, and it terrified her, bringing up old memories from childhood maybe.
All of her friends have told me that they think it's a shame as I seemed perfect for her, yet my friends tell me that I have always been able to do better and that she wasn't right for me. The truth is, she was not right for me, but I loved her! And I still do, and right now there are no words that can describe the pain of loss that I have been experiencing over the last 7 days.
I have been forcing myself not to look at her profile page on facebook and I feel as if I'm mourning somebody that has passed away. I love her so much, and I miss her so much. She still feels like my special girl, that belongs safely in my arms, but she's no longer there for me to hold and protect. I miss her so much :'(
I've had so many thoughts going on in my mind the last week, blaming myself, wondering if there was anything moer I could have done to help her relax, or maybe that I shouldn't have let myself get so emotionally close at christmas eve and if I hadn't maybe she wouldn't have suddenly developed the 'bad tummy feeling' she kept telling me about. She did try hard to get rid of the feeling as well, she did not want the relationship to end but she lost the battle. She told me when we spoke about it ''I don't want the relationship to end :( so wanted to tell you so we can sort it out somehow'' and a few days after she initially told me, she tried to blame the feeling on her milk allergy. But the feeling didn't go, and it got worse. What I assume happened is that she got paranoid and anxious that the feeling was still there, which made it worse and she couldn't take it anymore so thus had to break up. But I do wonder if I could ahve done more.
I still love her, it's so painful. It's been a week and I still can't quite believe that it's over. It feels like such a big shame as I loved her so much! And even more of a shame that it had to end in such circumstances.
During the year I knew her, I developed so much confidence socially. I could talk to anyone new and hold conversation indefinitely, I became so relaxed. I have lost all of that confidence now, and I do not even want to go outside of the house. I'm so scared, I feel as if a HUGE chunk of my life has been taken away, and I feel empty and my life feels compeltely meaningless. I feel like theres a huge void inside myself. Ive been forcing myself to keep doing the normal routine things I usually do, go to the gym, work etc but it's just so difficult.
A few friend have told me to pursue her, telling me to lay low for a while then give a small romantic gesture etc, but the thought both gives me hope and terrifies me. If I did pursue her, there would be no chance it would work, and it may push her away even more, and whilst pursuing her, she might find someone else which would destroy me even more! Though I think she'll always find it difficult with men due to her awkwardness.
I guess what I'd really appreciate is a friend. Someone that would add me to facebook and befriend me, let me talk to them about it, maybe even skype, give me some hope.
I just pray that I will regain the confidence I once had, and that I will be able to love as much as I loved her, but I do not feel it could ever happen again.
Any and all help will be appreciated so much, thank you.
I will therefore really appreciate anyone that reads the whole of this thread and has any advice at all, thank you in advanced.
I posted another topic a while back asking for help regarding my girlfriend (now ex) http://ift.tt/1e8W2NZ.
I am 25 and she was 22. We were together a year. She has ADD, dyslexia and dyspraxia. We had a very 'different' relationship. I noticed from the start she didn't feel comfortable with me, no matter what I did to help her try to relax. This was to the point of she'd be shaking sometimes, and constantly be trying to impress me, or fill every single gap in conversation with conversation. She also was extremely awkward with affection, it took her 3 months to feel comfortable holding my hand as we walked around, and we only ever managed to have sex in the whole year once, successfully (she'd be too tense or nervous and blame it on something else the rest of the time). We'd see each other once a week or so and go to the cinema, go shopping or coffee, or hang out. It was never the relationship type I was used to, but I realised she had difficulties and went along with it, and was happy to simply know her. She once told me that she's socially anxious and in the past has dumep d people simply for getting ''too close'' emotionally too her. She struggled to a huge degree with expressing and understanding her emotions, and very easily became overwhelmed with anything to do with feelings, so through the entire year, I never once heard her tell me she loves me in person, she'd only manage to do it on facebook.
My dad is a child psychologist who told me that she seems to have borderline personality disorder, but it could have been caused due to reactive avoidant attachment disorder she developed aas a child (she had a very rough upbringing and extremely bad parenting).
Despite all of this, I truely did love her. I loved her for all of her strange habits, I didn't need her to tell me she loved me constantly or express her feelings all the time, I just was happy to have her in my life, and I never once pushed her for anything including sex even when we'd only attempt it once every two months or so.
On christmas eve, we had probably one of the nicest days of the year when it came to being affectionate (not sexual). She cuddled up on my chest as we watched TV together and said ''see, a few months ago I would have been too awkward to do this! :) '' and she asked if I'd like to go abroad with her next year.
As soon as boxing day came, she flipped and stopped texting me. A week later we met up for coffee and a chat. She told me this: '' I watched streetdance 2 and decided I watned to learn to dance. I then told myself that you wouldn't be able to learn with me because you live too far away and I let the thought snowball in my mind and get really worked up and now I have a bad feeling in my tummy '' . I explained that living thirty minutes away from her is nothing and I'd absolutely love to learn to dance with her! She told me she felt a bit better but the feeling in her tummy was still there and she'd ''wait before she decides what to do''.
She worked on a farm as a farm hand, and in January - March is lambing season. The year before she warned me that during January - March she would not be able to see me much becuase she works extremely long hours and tends to get extremely irrational and grumpy during that period, and in the past has lost friends. Although a bit odd I once again didn't argue it and said it's okay and I'll look forward to when it's finished to see her again. So after we met up for coffee and she told me about the silly thought that she let snowball in her mind, she went off and started lambing. During this time she acted extremely distant to me. I felt it best to give her a bit of space so the stress of lambing didn't make her 'tummy feeling' (that was initially started by watching the dance movie and her telling herself a completely false assumption) worse.
During this time though, I could just tell that her tummy feeling was getting worse, I felt powerless, what could I do? I tried giving her more space, giving her less... everything, but it got worse and worse. She wouldn't talk to me about it at all, she'd just slowly start ignoring more and more messages Id send her on facebook and texts.
On valentines day she texted me telling me ''happy valentines day, and hows my man today? :) '' which was the nicest thing she'd said for almost a month to me. We didn't do anything on valentines though as she hates the day and again was too busy.
Then on the 15th she suddenly said ''are you free later, we need to talk''. I knew what was coming. I went to her house, she made me a cup of tea and we had a lovely chat and laugh together. She then said ''okay now to the point. Do you mind if we just be friends? Just I realised I'm not missing you anymore despite not seeing you for a few weeks, and it's not right of me to string you along, and my tummy feeling didn't go''. I agreed that if she's not happy it's best to end things, and I gave her a hug and left.
I am just devastated. For an entire year I devoted so much to her, just waiting weeks on end to see her, trying so hard to understand her peculiure behaviour and quirks, and to know that it ended after she developed a delusional thought that got out of control breaks my heart so much. Her best friend told me ''I really wish she wouldn't do it, but she's done it with every guy she's been with. She spends the entire relationships questioning whether she wants to be with them, then leaves them hanging''. I assume this is due to her past relationship with her parents/attachment problem (she did tell me she fears emotional closeness and leaves due to it) or possible borderline personality. I assume also that her bad tummy feeling was not just due to her street dance 2, absurd thought, but also that me and her got very emotionally close on christmas eve, and it terrified her, bringing up old memories from childhood maybe.
All of her friends have told me that they think it's a shame as I seemed perfect for her, yet my friends tell me that I have always been able to do better and that she wasn't right for me. The truth is, she was not right for me, but I loved her! And I still do, and right now there are no words that can describe the pain of loss that I have been experiencing over the last 7 days.
I have been forcing myself not to look at her profile page on facebook and I feel as if I'm mourning somebody that has passed away. I love her so much, and I miss her so much. She still feels like my special girl, that belongs safely in my arms, but she's no longer there for me to hold and protect. I miss her so much :'(
I've had so many thoughts going on in my mind the last week, blaming myself, wondering if there was anything moer I could have done to help her relax, or maybe that I shouldn't have let myself get so emotionally close at christmas eve and if I hadn't maybe she wouldn't have suddenly developed the 'bad tummy feeling' she kept telling me about. She did try hard to get rid of the feeling as well, she did not want the relationship to end but she lost the battle. She told me when we spoke about it ''I don't want the relationship to end :( so wanted to tell you so we can sort it out somehow'' and a few days after she initially told me, she tried to blame the feeling on her milk allergy. But the feeling didn't go, and it got worse. What I assume happened is that she got paranoid and anxious that the feeling was still there, which made it worse and she couldn't take it anymore so thus had to break up. But I do wonder if I could ahve done more.
I still love her, it's so painful. It's been a week and I still can't quite believe that it's over. It feels like such a big shame as I loved her so much! And even more of a shame that it had to end in such circumstances.
During the year I knew her, I developed so much confidence socially. I could talk to anyone new and hold conversation indefinitely, I became so relaxed. I have lost all of that confidence now, and I do not even want to go outside of the house. I'm so scared, I feel as if a HUGE chunk of my life has been taken away, and I feel empty and my life feels compeltely meaningless. I feel like theres a huge void inside myself. Ive been forcing myself to keep doing the normal routine things I usually do, go to the gym, work etc but it's just so difficult.
A few friend have told me to pursue her, telling me to lay low for a while then give a small romantic gesture etc, but the thought both gives me hope and terrifies me. If I did pursue her, there would be no chance it would work, and it may push her away even more, and whilst pursuing her, she might find someone else which would destroy me even more! Though I think she'll always find it difficult with men due to her awkwardness.
I guess what I'd really appreciate is a friend. Someone that would add me to facebook and befriend me, let me talk to them about it, maybe even skype, give me some hope.
I just pray that I will regain the confidence I once had, and that I will be able to love as much as I loved her, but I do not feel it could ever happen again.
Any and all help will be appreciated so much, thank you.
Put the internet to work for you.
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