Hello everyone,
At the risk of sounding melodramatic I am looking for any advice or help from the lovely people of TSR.
Firstly a little about me. I am soon to be 23, a girl and studying for a Masters. To add a little context I feel I should point out that that I grew up overseas and just before my masters had to leave the country I consider home and the friend I had their (although I am English). I returned to the UK to live in the same city that I had been to university in and so had a couple of friends left there.
In essence I have come to realize over the past few months that I have nothing beyond family that matters, and even family issues feel stretched at times. I don't know what it is about me that makes me un-dateable, un-befriendable and apparently unemployable (although I am working on this problem).
I am 23, never had any sort of fling or relationship despite my apparent predisposition to become infatuated with any guy who is remotely friendly to me. In particular I seem to have fallen for a friend of mine, however recently he doesn't seem to think of me even as a friend. We've known each other for about 4 years now, for two of which he was in a relationship with a mutual friend. Since their breakup I have remained 'friends' (in a loose sense of the word) with both of them. I used to consider him one of my closest friends but he no longer seems to want to see me, makes no effort to contact me and does not respond to my texts for hours(despite the fact that when I do see him he constantly has his phone close to hand). Prior to returning to the UK I had concocted some crazy fantasy that something might happen between us, clearly I was and probably still am totally infatuated and insane.
In addition to this I have come to realize that I have no true friends, discounting those I left 'back home' who I still talk to more than any local friends. Stupidly I thought that returning to the UK would involve me getting back together with the friends who were still here. I still see them occasionally but it just doesn't feel right sometimes. This may be due to me acting weirdly and becoming more withdrawn (something I, and I think they have noticed) since being back.
The course I am doing is almost over and just seems like it may have been a waste of time. When I was younger I knew exactly what I wanted to do, I always liked to think of myself as career driven and motivated but the fact is I now just do not care at all. I just want to secure a job for the future because I have no choice, the subject no longer interests let alone excites me.
And to add to all this I have a list of health issues that I am increasingly starting to worry about. Quite often, without reason or warning I will be unable to stop thinking about the surgery that I may need soon. However I have no one I feel I can talk to, my family would just worry and like I said I have no real friends.
Truth be told I don't have a clue what I am doing or why I should even bother. I just can't seem to shake this feeling of being totally alone, even when I am not. I feel that I am constantly putting on an act for my family but increasingly I can't even see the point in doing that. I don't intend to kill myself and I don't think I am particularly desperate but I would love to hear any advice or support TSR could send my way.
Thanks
(And sorry this post is so long)
At the risk of sounding melodramatic I am looking for any advice or help from the lovely people of TSR.
Firstly a little about me. I am soon to be 23, a girl and studying for a Masters. To add a little context I feel I should point out that that I grew up overseas and just before my masters had to leave the country I consider home and the friend I had their (although I am English). I returned to the UK to live in the same city that I had been to university in and so had a couple of friends left there.
In essence I have come to realize over the past few months that I have nothing beyond family that matters, and even family issues feel stretched at times. I don't know what it is about me that makes me un-dateable, un-befriendable and apparently unemployable (although I am working on this problem).
I am 23, never had any sort of fling or relationship despite my apparent predisposition to become infatuated with any guy who is remotely friendly to me. In particular I seem to have fallen for a friend of mine, however recently he doesn't seem to think of me even as a friend. We've known each other for about 4 years now, for two of which he was in a relationship with a mutual friend. Since their breakup I have remained 'friends' (in a loose sense of the word) with both of them. I used to consider him one of my closest friends but he no longer seems to want to see me, makes no effort to contact me and does not respond to my texts for hours(despite the fact that when I do see him he constantly has his phone close to hand). Prior to returning to the UK I had concocted some crazy fantasy that something might happen between us, clearly I was and probably still am totally infatuated and insane.
In addition to this I have come to realize that I have no true friends, discounting those I left 'back home' who I still talk to more than any local friends. Stupidly I thought that returning to the UK would involve me getting back together with the friends who were still here. I still see them occasionally but it just doesn't feel right sometimes. This may be due to me acting weirdly and becoming more withdrawn (something I, and I think they have noticed) since being back.
The course I am doing is almost over and just seems like it may have been a waste of time. When I was younger I knew exactly what I wanted to do, I always liked to think of myself as career driven and motivated but the fact is I now just do not care at all. I just want to secure a job for the future because I have no choice, the subject no longer interests let alone excites me.
And to add to all this I have a list of health issues that I am increasingly starting to worry about. Quite often, without reason or warning I will be unable to stop thinking about the surgery that I may need soon. However I have no one I feel I can talk to, my family would just worry and like I said I have no real friends.
Truth be told I don't have a clue what I am doing or why I should even bother. I just can't seem to shake this feeling of being totally alone, even when I am not. I feel that I am constantly putting on an act for my family but increasingly I can't even see the point in doing that. I don't intend to kill myself and I don't think I am particularly desperate but I would love to hear any advice or support TSR could send my way.
Thanks
(And sorry this post is so long)
Put the internet to work for you.
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