Hi, I'm new (so be gentle) :)
I'm 51 and in my second marriage. I have 2 adult sons (one lives with us after college), he has 2 adult daughters. Our amrriage is pretty great, except....
He can lose his temper and just lose it. Over nothing. And then he is mean and bullying and not violent, but scary anyway.
He tried therapy, but couldn't find a good therapist. We tried a retreat. Things get better for awhile, But then we have a night when we're both stressed, and he snaps.
He promised last fall to find us a counselor. And then let everything get in the way....holidays, work, daughters, .....excuses. And I told him that he was giving me his word to get this done and if he didn't, it would tell me about his commitment. And he didn't.
He wasn't abused as a child. His parents were amazing according to him and everyone I've met. Yet he feels insecure and unlovable like many of us.
Anyway, last Thursday he flipped and when I quietly left the room, he followed me. I asked him to give me time to calm down, and he kept yelling, so I left the room and went to the bedroom. He came in and I shouted at him to leave me alone and he flopped on the bed and said he will do what he wants - like a petulant child. so I left and went to go for a drive, and he puffed out his chest and blocked my way. somehow I went past him, grabbed the keys and drove around for hours until he went to sleep.
I know this could be an amazing marriage if he would get help. But that is so scary for him.
So here we are: he promises he will make the calls tomorrow to get help for us. I told him I would go to counseling with him, but there is no promise from me beyond that. My fear is that he will give up when it gets hard. He was a golden boy who had everything come easy to him and gives up when it is hard.
I make him sound horrible, but he us a kind and generous and sensitive man. He has a flaw. A flaw that I won't live with any more.
And I hate being in the place where I am waiting to see if someone else will decide the course of my life.
Anyway, if you respond, please be gentle.
I'm 51 and in my second marriage. I have 2 adult sons (one lives with us after college), he has 2 adult daughters. Our amrriage is pretty great, except....
He can lose his temper and just lose it. Over nothing. And then he is mean and bullying and not violent, but scary anyway.
He tried therapy, but couldn't find a good therapist. We tried a retreat. Things get better for awhile, But then we have a night when we're both stressed, and he snaps.
He promised last fall to find us a counselor. And then let everything get in the way....holidays, work, daughters, .....excuses. And I told him that he was giving me his word to get this done and if he didn't, it would tell me about his commitment. And he didn't.
He wasn't abused as a child. His parents were amazing according to him and everyone I've met. Yet he feels insecure and unlovable like many of us.
Anyway, last Thursday he flipped and when I quietly left the room, he followed me. I asked him to give me time to calm down, and he kept yelling, so I left the room and went to the bedroom. He came in and I shouted at him to leave me alone and he flopped on the bed and said he will do what he wants - like a petulant child. so I left and went to go for a drive, and he puffed out his chest and blocked my way. somehow I went past him, grabbed the keys and drove around for hours until he went to sleep.
I know this could be an amazing marriage if he would get help. But that is so scary for him.
So here we are: he promises he will make the calls tomorrow to get help for us. I told him I would go to counseling with him, but there is no promise from me beyond that. My fear is that he will give up when it gets hard. He was a golden boy who had everything come easy to him and gives up when it is hard.
I make him sound horrible, but he us a kind and generous and sensitive man. He has a flaw. A flaw that I won't live with any more.
And I hate being in the place where I am waiting to see if someone else will decide the course of my life.
Anyway, if you respond, please be gentle.
Put the internet to work for you.
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