Hello everyone,
I have been married for four years. We got married when I was pregnant, and after our child was born I discovered my husband was in love with another woman at the time of our wedding, and even wrote to her after our wedding to reaffirm this fact. He claimed it was completely in the past and that he truly loved me now, and that should matter. We began going to church as a family, and he started acting happier, so I got really involved (even though I am not a believer and had told him that many times before). Periodically he would get in these moods that just made me think he hated me. He is like this stormy angry cloud. Whenever I talk to him about it, he will get better for a few weeks, and then go back to angry. He is a pessimist, and he doesn't have the ability to see the cup as anything but mostly empty.
Anyway, money is a big deal to him, so I got a part time job and discovered the person I had been before him who was happy and had friends. I would come home happy, and he would immediately be in a bad mood again which would drag me down. After a year, he decided I really needed to work full time, so I got another job, put our child in preschool and started making friends again at this new place. Now I have friends from my old job and new job who like to get together with me. We have play dates once a week as families and once a month a girls night. I really enjoy these outings and look forward to being with my friends more than my husband. He is just not fun. Even trying to do things with him is unfun. He hates movies, bowling, karaoke, malls, parks and really anything that I find to be really fun. So I start planning to do these things without him, with our kid and without, and I encourage him to go out with his friends and do what he likes (watch sports and talk about boo ks).
Now he is angry again because I spend "so much time" with my friends and he feels left out. I don't do half the things I am invited to because I don't want to make him mad. I've quit my book club, I've left early from girl's night, I've tried to invite him to come on play dates (he doesn't like the other dads, so he doesn't feel comfortable there). He just wants me to stay home with him. He goes to his office and works and leaves me and our child to do whatever on our own. Or we go out to eat and come straight home. He says I text "too much" (I maybe send 50 texts in a month) and accused me of cheating on him (I'm not).
Now he is angry that I made a decision without his input to go back to a social media site I had quit when we got married. He didn't talk to me at all yesterday. I also told him I can't keep going to church with him because I feel like a fraud and it makes me miserable. It seems the more I assert myself and become more than mommy and wife, the more distant and angry he gets. I feel like he can never truly love the person I am, only the function I provide as wife and caretaker. He never seemed this traditional before, but now I am starting to make connections. I don't want to break up our family, but I don't know how to live with someone who just cannot seem to ever be happy. I was talking to a friend about all of this recently, and the question of what it is about me that makes him unhappy came up. Now I don't know.
I have been married for four years. We got married when I was pregnant, and after our child was born I discovered my husband was in love with another woman at the time of our wedding, and even wrote to her after our wedding to reaffirm this fact. He claimed it was completely in the past and that he truly loved me now, and that should matter. We began going to church as a family, and he started acting happier, so I got really involved (even though I am not a believer and had told him that many times before). Periodically he would get in these moods that just made me think he hated me. He is like this stormy angry cloud. Whenever I talk to him about it, he will get better for a few weeks, and then go back to angry. He is a pessimist, and he doesn't have the ability to see the cup as anything but mostly empty.
Anyway, money is a big deal to him, so I got a part time job and discovered the person I had been before him who was happy and had friends. I would come home happy, and he would immediately be in a bad mood again which would drag me down. After a year, he decided I really needed to work full time, so I got another job, put our child in preschool and started making friends again at this new place. Now I have friends from my old job and new job who like to get together with me. We have play dates once a week as families and once a month a girls night. I really enjoy these outings and look forward to being with my friends more than my husband. He is just not fun. Even trying to do things with him is unfun. He hates movies, bowling, karaoke, malls, parks and really anything that I find to be really fun. So I start planning to do these things without him, with our kid and without, and I encourage him to go out with his friends and do what he likes (watch sports and talk about boo ks).
Now he is angry again because I spend "so much time" with my friends and he feels left out. I don't do half the things I am invited to because I don't want to make him mad. I've quit my book club, I've left early from girl's night, I've tried to invite him to come on play dates (he doesn't like the other dads, so he doesn't feel comfortable there). He just wants me to stay home with him. He goes to his office and works and leaves me and our child to do whatever on our own. Or we go out to eat and come straight home. He says I text "too much" (I maybe send 50 texts in a month) and accused me of cheating on him (I'm not).
Now he is angry that I made a decision without his input to go back to a social media site I had quit when we got married. He didn't talk to me at all yesterday. I also told him I can't keep going to church with him because I feel like a fraud and it makes me miserable. It seems the more I assert myself and become more than mommy and wife, the more distant and angry he gets. I feel like he can never truly love the person I am, only the function I provide as wife and caretaker. He never seemed this traditional before, but now I am starting to make connections. I don't want to break up our family, but I don't know how to live with someone who just cannot seem to ever be happy. I was talking to a friend about all of this recently, and the question of what it is about me that makes him unhappy came up. Now I don't know.
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