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Church,Children & Infidelity

Hi all this is my 1st time but i need advice.My husband & have been married for 10+yrsand we have 3kids togehter Like others it was rough. Breakup up get back together,etc. My husband was my 1st.Before my 1st&while dating he got someone else pregnant and I didn't find out truth til 5years later after we were married.Heard rumors of it. While dating he cheated and fought me.Came to see me probably 3 times while dating and was very jealous. He sold drugs and didnt support me and the kids at all.After getting engaged he things still didnt change. One day we had a big fight bc i askd for diaper money and he said no. We fought and i left his house. A guy I knew from around the way was at my parents' when i got there.I was crying and he comforted me.afew days later i went out with him,his sis saw me and she told her brother. This was 14yrs ago and since then we've broken up bc he's cheated too. For years he's asked me if i had sex with anyone other than him an d for awhile i told him no bc i was scared he would fight me& to protect his feelings(dumb right).as years went by and the torture kept gettin worse i said yes but i didnt get into detail.so he asked about it yesterday and i told him yes ive been with another man other than him and it was after i put him out for cheating on me.he really expected me to keep my legs closed while he did wrong.(i tried too tho) he always assumed i slept with every guy i dated& i havent. he aksd for the truth and now he cant take it.ive only been with afew men in my life.3 including him. i was born and raised in church and i take our kids to church every sunday and bible study and he sits home.its hard but i maintain with Gods help. now hes not talkn and acts like i owe him something. it happens years ago and the men ive been with he doesnt even know.but yet he tries to make me look like im the bad person when im not. what should i do

IFTTT

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