What are the next steps?

Hi everyone, New member here and hoping you guys can provide some advice on what are my next steps. To give you a summary of my life story, I was married in 20's, marriage ended in my early 30's. We were together for 11 years and husband completely blind sighted me with literally coming home one night (valentines day), asking for a divorce and leaving the very next day to never return. During his exit, he said some incredible mean and awful things, told me he never wanted to get married, but pitied me, really gas-lite everything to the point it was just incomprehensible and left me devastated. It eventually came out that he was having "lunch" with a new friend, but they were "just friends" and that wasn't why he was leaving. He was unhappy for a very long time but never told anyone. During our marriage, I knew something was wrong, but I thought it was just me. I tried communicating during the marriage but he would either reassure me that everything was fine or he would get highly offended that I would say something was wrong. It took me a really good 2 long years before I could even think of moving on. I beat myself up, did a lot of self evaluation, made tremendous progress on myself, and finally realized that him leaving me was the best thing that could have ever happened. I wasn't ready for marriage, I wasn't happy, I was highly depressed and insecure, we lacked intimacy, I was too dependent on him and there was a LOT I needed to work on. Irregardless of how he handled our marriage, I took something positive from it by improving my life tremendously. It was a really big growth experience. Two years after my divorce, I met my recently ex-boyfriend. He was really a breath of fresh air and our relationship was really really good. He was everything I really needed. He treated me well and with respect. Did all the little things I needed from a partner. Of course, I was not delusional, I could see his "faults", never put him too high on a pedestal, and was accepting him for being human. It was nice to see he wasn't perfect and I didn't feel like I needed to be perfect, something I constantly felt throughout my marriage. Our love was definitely different than my marriage. With my exh, there was instant insane chemistry, love at first sight, which I believe led me to be blinded to a lot of things. With my boyfriend, although there was strong chemistry, it wasn't "love at first sigh". We were friends for a year before we started dating and I reasoned our love to be more "mature" love. I could see his faults but I was willing to accept them because I believe our relationship was really good, based on mutual respect and love for one another. Taking lessons from my failed marriage, I really worked hard on this relationship. I was still carrying some baggage from my divorce but he was extremely supportive and seemed understanding. I wasn't in a rush to get married or live together and he seemed ok with that. In fact, our lives seemed too busy that although we'd talk daily, we'd only see one another once a week. I worked hard to keep the intimacy going, still having great sex (his words), and tried to keep the communication open. We've been together for about 6 years. During this time, I started to want more and more from our relationship and would ask to see him more than once a week, but he constantly fed me one reason after another, typically about work and family obligations throughout the week and not having enough free time, which I honestly believed were true. But I could start to see the more and more I wanted, the further and further he pulled away. About a year ago, I found out that he was starting to see a mutual friend of ours behind my back. We met her through a shared hobby and group of friends, in fact that's how we all met. About a year ago, she got him a job at his current location. It started out as a "thank you" lunch, then it started to become more secretive lunches behind my back, and then he would invite her to hang out with us, and then she'd send him secretive messages in disguise of organizing events for the three of us. Having already suffered the "just friends having lunch" before, I was extremely nervous about the secretive friendship that was developing. I didn't mind so much about them hanging out but more that he was keeping their communication a secret from me. Only letting me know after the fact. It was a HUGE red flag to me but I didn't know how to handle the situation. I tried to keep my insecurities in check. I never yelled or nagged at him. I simply asked him to please be careful and to please don't leave me out of the loop on the communication between the two of them. Of course, this did not stop. Last month, it got really really bad between us. We didn't fight but he pulled even further away. He wanted to stop all daily communication on the phone, except for IM's during the day, in disguise that he "hates talking on the phone". Our relationship was becoming stagnant and I was desperately trying to find solutions. I gave him his space and we only saw each other 4 times last month and did not speak during the week. I was completely devastated and was crying almost daily, but I tried to not show him this. I tried to be supportive and understanding he needed his space. When we did see each other, we were still intimate and the sex was great (his words), but things definitely were off. Two weekends ago, when we were together, our group of friends were organizing an event for this past weekend. I asked him if he wanted to go as it was a yearly event and we always went. He said he didn't want to go this year as it always rained out and he also had to do another event the next day for his other friend. I was completely understanding. We didn't talk on the phone throughout the week, but he always initiated contact throughout the day over IM. On friday, he told me we were going to go on Saturday and she was coming with us. I told him I wish he had talked to me about it first. He then abruptly said "plans can be canceled, I'll cancel them". Now, in the beginning of our relationship he ALWAYS consulted me first before making any plans for us, and now he was no longer doing that. I told him he didn't need to cancel the plans, but I'm disappointed that we're not communicating properly. He said "Plans are canceled" and got off line. After work, when I got home, I called him up. I asked if he wanted to talk about what happened and he said "No. I'm going to stay home this weekend and I'll see you in a few days" (We were starting our vacation this week). I told him "Ok, I really think we should talk. I think you should come over here". At this point, I was done. I wasn't angry. I wasn't seeking revenge. I simply was done with him pulling away and me trying desperately to keep us together. So he came over and we broke up. He acknowledged that he has been pulling away for a while now and said if we couldn't get our act together in 6 years, it probably wasn't meant to be. He said I worked really really hard on our relationship and there was nothing I could have done differently. I asked him if he was still physically attracted to me (something my husband no longer felt), he said "Yes". I asked him if he still loved me? Yes. I said in a brother/sister kind of love? No (something my exh did feel for me). I asked but you don't see me as "the one"? No, but you are pretty close! Then he asked me "Am I ever going to talk to you again? You've been in my life for 6 years! It's my longest relationship!", he knows I don't believe in keeping touch with ex's. All I could say was "I don't know" and then started bawling. He said "I'll give you a call in a few days to check up on you" and he left. This was this past Friday. Tomorrow is my birthday, and I suspect he will make contact tomorrow. I really don't know what to do. I do have to say that, unless I'm in denial, this is a lot less painful than my divorce. Don't get me wrong. I'm crying a lot. But not nearly as much as when my exh left me. I'm also trying to stay as busy as humanely possible. I have the following two weeks off from work, so I'm home alone. I know during my divorce, I only started healing when I started being really active and getting out and meeting people and making new friends. So I'm actively trying to do that. Perhaps I'm over compensating, but I'm faking it till I make it. Any advice? What do I do when/if he makes contact? Should I answer? Not answer? Should I delete him from facebook? Do I delete her from facebook? Do I tell our mutual friends the WHOLE story? Do I implement complete NO CONTACT? During my divorce, I kept my exh affair secret from his side of the friends. I felt ashamed. I had hope that if I kept it quiet, he would come back. He never did, and has been with her for 8 years and has two kids. Some "lunch"! It ate me up inside for a really really long time. And the few people I did tell, underestimated "lunch". They didn't see it as serious as I did. I really don't know if I want him back. Part of me does. Part of me is relieved it's over. What I do want to know is what I did wrong. In my marriage, I took some really valuable life lessons away and made tremendous changes in my life. I'm trying really really hard to find what I did wrong and what I can learn from this relationship. I really honestly believe I did everything I possibly could. I listened. I worked hard. I kept fighting for us, even when he stopped. I don't want to repeat this again, so I really want to learn SOMETHING from all of this. But I don't know what I did wrong.

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