35-yr-old Stepson Living with us!!!

I know it's a familiar story... adult children living 'at home.' I just joined here in hopes of finding some support or advice. My stepsons were 19 and 22 when their father and I met. I made the MISTAKE of moving into the house where my husband and his ex had lived, and where the kids grew up. (Little did I realize...) At various times, each stepson has come back "home" in need of a place to live, for years at a time. We've spent thousands of dollars trying to get them to "launch" in various ways. This one, now 35 years old, had a plan to get a 9-month professional certification. Okay. Then once here, he decided to go for a 2-year degree, without working. It's been nearly FOUR years now, but he has graduated, and just landed a job, to begin in a few weeks. I want a definite PLAN for him to leave, asap. Now he's talking about staying here to save up for a house, though. And it would be a fixer-upper, so he'd live here while renovating it. AAAGGHHH!!!! It's not JUST the money, or the sense of entitlement, or the lack of gratitude, or taking up space I'd really like to have back -- it's also the intrusion on my privacy. I have to make sure I put a robe on to walk down the hall, I feel uncomfortable doing my Wii or coloring my hair or dealing with certain health-related issues, I don't have as much alone-time with my husband... And I want the bedroom he's taken, I want his stuff out of our garage and storage unit, and I want my bathroom back -- it's the only one with a tub, but it's been "his" for four years!! I am getting really resentful and bitter (can you tell?!), but have a very hard time expressing myself or confronting people. Tonight we are going out to dinner together (husband, stepson and I) to "have a talk." I think I would like to say that he should move out at the end of October at the latest. By then, he'd have a couple of paychecks, and he already has a few thousand in his bank account, so he can get an apartment and save for his house there. (He insists he can't. He can. His job will pay well. He can choose a less cushy living situation with a roommate to save for his house, or he can pay full price for a luxurious 2-bedroom townhouse -- his choice.) How can I present this? I'm told I should convince him it's best for HIM. But I don't think I should have to do that. It should be enough that it's what I want, no? (Husband only wants him out because I do, but has huge guilt feelings and doesn't want to "lose his relationship" with the son. Yeah. No wonder he's spoiled, right?) Any advice would be much appreciated!!! :(

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