Headed for Divorce...

I have been with my husband for 9 years. We have 2 young children. We have never had the "perfect" marriage (if there is such a thing), but we have built a good life together over the past 9 years and have been through a lot. About 4 months ago, my husband joined Facebook. I knew his password and even helped him set up the page. It was all fine. He found a lot of old friends from high school (male and female) and an old girlfriend (who is single, childless, and still lives like a carefree 20 year old partying, etc at 40+ years old) found him. He started chatting with her on FB. It was fairly innocent for the most part, but I noticed he was chatting with this girl more and more (a few times a week). He told her he was married and for how long... She was like "great!" and his first comment after that was "if you say so" and then he went on to gripe about me... red flag. There were a few other messages telling her her profile picture was "beautiful" and that she had "aged well"... that made me uncomfortable, and I told him about how I felt. He said I had nothing to worry about. He ended up changing his password after that... red flag. The messages got sent to his email and I checked that one day and she had sent him a message that she was in town (she lives about 4 hours away but has family up here) and he asked if she wanted to meet up. I was crushed. If it was so innocent, why was he hiding it? He did not end up meeting with her. I think he knew I saw the messages and felt guilty. That night, we had a huge fight about her and he said he would not talk to her anymore. He fought it for a long time and then just gave in and said he wouldn't talk to her, so I was kind of suspicious if he was just telling me what I wanted to hear, but I took that moment to really start making our relationship better... working on showing him love more, being intimate more, etc. doing things to make him happy. He did the same. Over the past 2 or so months, things have been pretty good for the most part and our relationship has gotten stronger, but I have still been snooping (bad I know) because I just have that gut feeling that he is still talking to her (and I was right). There are no phone calls to her number, and honestly, I think it is still pretty innocent, but I feel it has the potential to be more and there is definitely something there, whether anything has happened physically or not, it is definitely an emotional affair. About 2 weeks ago, I was checking his email and see an email from him joining an adult fling type of website from a couple of weeks before (there had been no activity on that account, but it is disturbing that he joined it... that was a whole other issue). He denies he did this and lied to my face about it. I did not tell him I saw the email. However, in that email it gave his password, which was that girls name! So I tried that password in his FB account and that is what he had changed the password to! So, as of the past couple of weeks, I see that he and this girl have talked some, but he deletes her messages so it looks like they haven't talked since June. I saw the other day that they messaged back and forth (I just happened to jump on there before he deleted it) and asked him if he had talked to her recently. He said he had not talked to her in over a month. What's more is in that message, he thanked her for stopping by to see him and she told him she was "happy to see" him. I really don't think he has physically cheated. He goes to work and comes home... That is about it, but if he hasn't done it yet, he is definitely open to it if he is joining that website and meeting up/talking to this girl. I asked him about her then without telling him that I saw those messages, and asked if he had talked to her in the past couple of weeks... he said no. I asked if he has ever met up with her... he said no. I just told him we both know he is lying, without telling him I know for a fact, and he denied it until he was blue in the face and then tried to make me look bad for not trusting him and accusing me of trying to control him. Gross. I honestly do not think anything has happened YET, but I feel like it is heading in that direction. If it was so innocent, why would he have to hide it? He says he loves me and wants to work on our marriage, but won't admit to being in contact with her or seeing her, and he won't unlock his Facebook. I feel that marriage should be 100% transparent. Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing, right? I am an open book and I expect him to be too. The fact that he would lie to my face over and over is crushing me. I can overcome infidelity (at least once I think), but how is it even possible to move forward with him lying about it and still talking to her. I don't want to feel like I have to check up on him. I shouldn't have to feel like that. I want 100% trust. I don't know if that is even possible at this point. Should I even fight for this? I want to because I love him and we have 2 kids who need their dad around daily, but I am wondering if it is even salvageable. If so, how? While I do not want a divorce and would do ANYTHING to save my marriage, I feel like we are a step away from divorce because I refuse to live with someone who lies like that. I love him. I love our family. I want our family together. I want our kids to have their daddy here. I don't want to split up, but I am feeling like it is the only choice if he won't come clean about talking to/seeing that girl. Am I just an idiot for sticking it out this long or wanting to salvage things? Do you think it is even salvageable? If so, HOW? Sorry this is a novel. I have about a million things going through my head right now.

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