Marriage in trouble. Need help!

Here is my sad story: I met my husband when I was 16 years old. I followed him to college and we married when I was 24. We have now been married for 7 years and have two kids (4 and 1). My husband has always liked to be online and find friendships there. However, it has gotten to a really disturbing point and I believe he has crossed the line many times. But I ask myself, is having an online relationship cheating? I think yes, but my husband tells me there is nothing physical going on - just conversation. I have found out about several of these online relationships over the years -2 in college - 1 right before we got married. He always apologized profusely and said it was only talking and he would never cheat on me or hurt me. And I trusted him. I forgot about these prior incidents for a long while and then last year, I found out I was pregnant with our second child. At the same time, my husband had just joined a weight loss website. So he started losing weight just as I started gaining weight. I tried to be as supportive as I could but sometimes I was just jealous and he was spending so much time with his new weight loss online support system and paying no attention to his pregnant wife. One day I picked up his phone and he grabbed it away from me. I got really upset and he said that we was ordering me flowers and didn't want me to see it. I said, oh ok, just show me the order receipt and I'll believe you, but he couldn't produce it. He said he hadn't hit the confirm button yet. Anyway, he was being really weird with his phone. When I confronted him, he said that he had been "complaining" about me to co-worker and didn't want me to see it. He knew it wasn't right but I was pregnant and cranky. I was reall y offended by this. Anyway, I let it go. A few months later, I saw that he got a text from some girl with pictures in it. I checked the phone bill and saw all sorts of numbers from all over the US. He was flat out lying to me. He told me he had to go downstairs and talk to his grandparents or his parents, but the numbers were not theirs. I called a couple - they were women from other parts of the county. He said they were just weight loss support. But at that point he had already lost 70 lbs, looked great and really didn't need much weight loss support. I really couldn't believe this. I went into labor with our second child in the grocery store. Instead of assisting me, he was texting some other woman. When I asked him about it, he said he was excited and wanted to share the news. After my son was born, he promised to give up the online girls and like a fool I believed him again. I went back to work after 3 months and worked full time, pumped milk round the clock for the baby, took care of the house and 2 kids. I went on two work trips (fly in and out in the same day) and when I came home, I looked at his phone and he had written really horrible things about me. Again, he was talking to these women and really putting me down. All along he would apologize and say it would never happen again. Most recently, I checked his email and found that he has been having a few month long online relationship that included very detailed inappropriate conversations, pictures, "I love yous", and spa gift certificates. I just cannot believe this. He again apologized and said that I don't pay enough attention to him. Keep in mind that we were still having sex 1-2 times per week (not abundant but still pretty good) and I was still taking care of the house, kids, dogs, and working full time. I have no idea what to do. He is my husband and I've loved him since I was 16. I don't want to break up my family but I think he wants a divorce and I get closer to that each and every day. Last month he told me he had to go away for work. The day he left, both kids came down with really high fevers (the young one was up to 105). I was so nervous I called the doctors and was ready for an ER trip. My husband didn't have time to talk - he said he was at dinner with his boss. Come to find out, he never left the state - he went to stay at his friends for a few days and was about 15 minutes away. First, I'm not sure I believe him and second, I can't understand why he wouldn't put that aside and come home for his two sick kids. I really need some advice. I go back and forth between divorce and working it out almost daily. I'm mad and then the next minute I think I'm a bad wife and must have pushed him to do the things he is doing. If any woman has been through this before, please tell me how you coped. And if any man has done this before, please tell me why. I'd really like to know why. Thanks for listening.

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