Desperate for advice...

I don't know if I am posting this in the right section. I am not really "considering" divorce. I am seeking advice on how to prevent one and this seems like the only section appropriate for my situation. Please forgive me if this gets a little long. I am at the end of my rope and have spoken to no one other than my husband about this. But I will do my best to provide info instead of letting it turn into a vent session. We have been married for 5 years (together for 7) and this is the 2nd marriage for both of us. I have 2 kids from my previous marriage that live with us. He didn't have any kids from his and we now have 1 child together. I can't even begin to tell you how great our relationship has been. We have always loved each other, respected each other, and we are very best friends. Of course there have been less than great days, but nothing we couldn't work out until now. A few months ago, things started to unravel and now it seems there is only a tiny string left holding us together. To sum up how it started, our sex life started pretty much dying because he just doesn't seem to be interested very often. It didn't stop suddenly. It has gradually dropped off over the years, but a few months ago is when we went from once or twice a month down to once in 3 months. That is not enough for me. I had expressed my feelings and concerns to him several times about once a month not being enough a nd instead of getting better it got worse. So anyway that is when the problems started but it is no longer the main focus. Ever since we got into this rut, things have just not been right between us like they were before. When I get mad/upet about something, I have to say it right then. This is not always the best thing to do because it starts an argument, but it's what I do. When he is mad/upset about something, he sits on the couch and doesn't speak. When I ask what's wrong he says he's tired. I have been with this man for 7 years. I know the difference between tired and upset. There is definitely something bothering him that he won't speak up about. This is how we have both always been...I speak my mind and he clams up. Before now, we have always discussed it after we had both had time to think and reached some common ground. Now, those discussions either don't happen or turn into a huge argument. Last night we had the biggest one yet and for the first time ever, it turne d physical. He never hit me but he grabbed me several times by my shoulders and arms and threw me onto the bed. His "reason" (if there is such a thing) is because I was standing at our bedroom door and would not let him leave the room. I did this because he wanted to leave and he had been drinking. It was not safe for him to drive in that condition and I did not want him on the road. (side note: he doesn't drink often and though alcohol may have been the culprit in this fight, it is not the problem in our marriage.) So every time he moved me out of the way, I managed to get back to the door before he could and kept him there until he had calmed down enough to promise me he wouldn't try to drive. When he left the room, the backs of both my arms were covered in bruises from my shoulders to my elbows. He did stay here but there was a heated argument even after all that. He said some pretty harsh things that hurt me more emotionally than any physical pain I felt. It finally ende d when he finally noticed all the bruises on me. He just stopped mid-sentence and stared at them, mumbled "I'm so sorry", and walked away. I went to check on him a few minutes later and found him sitting on the couch with tears pouring down his face. He apologized over and over and told me how much he loves me. He said the last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt me in any way and now he has done exactly that in the worst way possible. He also said a lot of things about how horrible he is as a person to do that to me and that he has never felt lower in his life. He was crying so hard that I couldn't even understand some of what he said. As mad as I was, I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. I know that sounds crazy, but you don't know this man like I do. He is one of the best people I have ever met and is never violent in any way. He has never even been in a physical fight with a man. I don't know what happened last night, but I can't begin to explain how much this is NOT like him. I have no reason to believe he isn't genuinely sorry for his actions. However, I also have no reason to believe that whatever happened to him for those few minutes won't happen again. I am terrified that this is the start of something that will only get worse and I don't know how to handle that. I am also having issues dealing with the things he said to me. After hearing that and feeling these bruises, I feel like I am nothing. I feel like I am worthless. I feel that I have been living in a dream for the past 7 years and I just woke up to reality. We did talk about all this tonight while he was sober. He still cried the whole time we were talking and was very apologetic. He told me that if he were in my shoes he would leave, but then begged me not to. He said that he doesn't deserve me or a second chance, but if I stay he will do anything I want him to do to make things right again. I feel like he is sincere, but how can things ever be right again after this? I lov e this man from the bottom of my heart, more than I have ever loved before. I love him unconditionally and what he has done did not and will not change that. But our marriage (and our family) can't survive on love alone. Tears are pouring down my face right now because I am so hurt. I have never been hurt like this and I don't know what to do. I feel dead inside. I ask that if anyone has any piece of advice they can offer me, no matter how small, please share what you can. If you need more details, I would be glad to answer any questions you have. Please, someone help me get out of this terrible place!

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