the vow renewal

I have two children the youngest has just turned one, the eldest is three years and I am now pregnant again. I work full time and have saved for the 'honeymoon' that we didn't have when we first got married. I has saved this money without my husband knowledge or consent. His parents objected to me and didn't want me to get married to him. his parents gave me and my family death threats. Our wedding which I organised without any help was cancelled three times. In the end we had to get married in the Registry office. As a result I refuses to have anything to do with the inlaws and there have been a lot of fights over this. All of the problems in my marriage are as a result of the influence of my inlaws. I am totally ashamed of my husband have been from day one. When people gave us wedding presents I gave them straight back as gracefully as I could. I wont take his name I don't even tell people I am married. I have a picture of my children on my work desk and around the house. no photos of us together exist. I has booked airfares and a hotel to Fiji. I wanted to have a vow renewal on the beach. Hubby don't want to go as he believes this trip will offend his parents. I went any way because I couldn't get my money back, taking my mum in his place. resort orgainsed proxy stand in husband. it was really beautiful and I am so glad I did it. I sent him this on the back of a post card from Fiji: I am no longer willing to overlook a lot of things you have done in the past nor am I willing to continually cede over to your parents or you deciding where I can have my holidays, what I do during the day what I wear or how I can spend the money I have earned. You have had a number of opportunities to repair the damage your family did to our marriage (if that's what you call it). I dumped a four month old baby on my mother to go back and earn the money to make my dreams happen and all you can do is constantly stab me in the back. You are no longer someone I respect and I do not see you as someone I can count on. In fact I see you as the enemy to my health and well-being along with your family. As I am now three months pregnant again I would appreciated you taking the time I am away to pack your positions and go home to your parents who have always been more important to you then you wife and children. I have no doubt that I will one day experience the thrill and joy of having a wedding day and a satisfying happy marriage. Sadly those actions seem to be impossibility to me should I continue to stay with you and will have to happen with someone else. I belive I am doing the right thing dumping this nutter who lasted a whole day without me before he retreated home to his parents. I am only sorry I didn't do it sooner, but can any one explain to me why the vow renewal/wedding was such a night mare? why do I always come last? I have done every thing to the best of my abilities, keep an immaculate house, work full time to pay the bills, yet I am constantly punished for these people. When is there something for me?

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