Hello Everyone!
I am having relationship problems. I don't really understand the problem and would appreciate any advice.
So, my fiancee and I have been together for almost 7 years. I am 23 and he is 22 and we've been together since high school. We got engaged about 5 years ago when I was at a 2 year tech school. Well, I transferred to a 4 year college and will be graduating in December of this year. He works full time (didn't go to college or anything) and has for about 6 years. We were planning to get married after I finished school, which is why we have been waiting all this time. We both still live at home because we don't have enough money to have our own place (he doesn't make good money and I only work part time). So we had planned on getting married when I finished school and got a full time job. We have had a lot of ups and downs in our relationship, but no infidelity, so we have fought through all our problems and here we are today. We were really happy and close up until about August when everything started spiraling out of control. He got a week off from work and stayed at a guy friends house without telling me and didn't talk to me all night till the next day. Well I was upset about it all week because he didn't tell me, I wouldn't have been upset if he'd told me because it wasn't a big deal. He claims that because we were arguing about something totally unrelated that he didn't need to tell me he was staying there and he didn't need to talk to me. That seems to be a recurring problem with our relationship is he gets mad and ignores me until he's ready to talk to me. Well back to the story. He did the same thing later that same week, stayed at his friends and ignored me all night and didn't tell me. He said he did it because I kept fussing about him doing it the first time and that it wasn't a big deal that he doesn't need to tell me everything. But I feel like he should because I always let him know where I'm going and stuff. Well we had been seeing each other almost every day and he would say that it was pretty much like we were already married we just didn't live together. Well ever since that first week he's been going and doing stuff with his friends 3 or 4 times a week and seeing me maybe an hour or so 2 days a week. We never go out and do anything anymore. I was asking him if something was wrong or if he just didn't want to be with me anymore or what and finally he told me that he was burnt out of doing stuff with me, that 90% of all the stuff he's done in his life he's done with me and he wants to have a "life". But he says he wants to be with me and have a "life". I've always thought that the point of a serious relationship and wanting to get married is to have a life together. Am I wrong here? He swears he's not seeing anyone else and he hasn't lied directly about anything it's just every time he gets mad he shuts me out and then now he's saying he wants to also have a life. What does this mean? It's driving me crazy because things have changed so much. I just really don't know what to think or do. Could it be that he's not ready to start a life with me? It's actually going to end up being even longer before we get married because I am staying to get my Master's, so I don't really know if it's a case of cold feet or what it is? Am I being irrational here?
Thank you for any ideas!
I am having relationship problems. I don't really understand the problem and would appreciate any advice.
So, my fiancee and I have been together for almost 7 years. I am 23 and he is 22 and we've been together since high school. We got engaged about 5 years ago when I was at a 2 year tech school. Well, I transferred to a 4 year college and will be graduating in December of this year. He works full time (didn't go to college or anything) and has for about 6 years. We were planning to get married after I finished school, which is why we have been waiting all this time. We both still live at home because we don't have enough money to have our own place (he doesn't make good money and I only work part time). So we had planned on getting married when I finished school and got a full time job. We have had a lot of ups and downs in our relationship, but no infidelity, so we have fought through all our problems and here we are today. We were really happy and close up until about August when everything started spiraling out of control. He got a week off from work and stayed at a guy friends house without telling me and didn't talk to me all night till the next day. Well I was upset about it all week because he didn't tell me, I wouldn't have been upset if he'd told me because it wasn't a big deal. He claims that because we were arguing about something totally unrelated that he didn't need to tell me he was staying there and he didn't need to talk to me. That seems to be a recurring problem with our relationship is he gets mad and ignores me until he's ready to talk to me. Well back to the story. He did the same thing later that same week, stayed at his friends and ignored me all night and didn't tell me. He said he did it because I kept fussing about him doing it the first time and that it wasn't a big deal that he doesn't need to tell me everything. But I feel like he should because I always let him know where I'm going and stuff. Well we had been seeing each other almost every day and he would say that it was pretty much like we were already married we just didn't live together. Well ever since that first week he's been going and doing stuff with his friends 3 or 4 times a week and seeing me maybe an hour or so 2 days a week. We never go out and do anything anymore. I was asking him if something was wrong or if he just didn't want to be with me anymore or what and finally he told me that he was burnt out of doing stuff with me, that 90% of all the stuff he's done in his life he's done with me and he wants to have a "life". But he says he wants to be with me and have a "life". I've always thought that the point of a serious relationship and wanting to get married is to have a life together. Am I wrong here? He swears he's not seeing anyone else and he hasn't lied directly about anything it's just every time he gets mad he shuts me out and then now he's saying he wants to also have a life. What does this mean? It's driving me crazy because things have changed so much. I just really don't know what to think or do. Could it be that he's not ready to start a life with me? It's actually going to end up being even longer before we get married because I am staying to get my Master's, so I don't really know if it's a case of cold feet or what it is? Am I being irrational here?
Thank you for any ideas!
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