Hello all! I am hoping to get some advice concerning a situation I found myself in. I have been married for 4 ½ years. My marriage to my husband has been rocky sometimes, but I love him and I feel that he loves me too. However, he has a friendship with a female that I am not comfortable with and I want to get some opinions of if I am over reacting or if my concerns are valid.
My husband came to the United States 3 ½ years ago when we married. He is now a US Citizen. I am the only family he has in the United States. About 2 ½ years ago he began taking classes at a local community college, where he met this girl from Vietnam. She is almost 10 years younger than him. He told me that they became friends and that she tried to kiss him but that he didn’t allow it and explained that he was married. They stayed friends despite my concern and took classes together and would secretly call and text each other. About a year after starting classes our marriage hit a very bad point. Long story short I discovered his car at her house and I left him at her house without a car and nowhere to go. There are lots of reasons for this that I won’t get into, but I will say that I was supporting him while he went to college and the vehicle was mine. So when I left him he had no money or place to go. In any case, he ended up staying with this girl’s family for over a month. A little while later we got back together. He swore nothing happened with her or anyone else and I accepted this and decided to try to repair our relationship.
As soon as my husband and I got back together this girl begins calling and texting him. My husband says she is a very good friend and that he is not attracted to her. He told me that the secrecy was because he knew the calls upset me. And that is completely true. I get very upset when I see texts and calls to and from her. Of course we are not talking about a call a couple of times a week. There are several calls and texts in a day. I told my husband I would try to accept his friendship if he keeps everything in the open. He agreed.
It’s been almost a year since all of that happened. I have now moved 2 ½ hours away to take a better job with better pay. I am still the only one working while he is in school. I recently found out that he took a trip to the mountains with some friends. He never told me he was going on this trip. I was upset when I learned about this but figured it was a spontaneous boys night out.
A few weeks later I was looking at the phone records and saw a lot of phone calls to one number and asked him about it. He made an excuse that I didn’t buy and the next day the record mysteriously was deleted. I confronted him and told him that I knew he was lying. He admitted that it was that girl. This was a major shock to me because he had previously told me that she returned to her country. I also learned that he went with her to the mountains with a group of friends but claimed not to take any pictures of the friends he went with. His excuse for all this lying and secrecy is that he knew it would upset me. When I see that she is calling and texting him I do get upset. I should say in my defense that I have no problem with his other female friends, just this one in particular. He does not seem to be willing to give up this friendship even though I am uncomfortable with it. Does anyone have any advice for me?? I could really use it right now.
My husband came to the United States 3 ½ years ago when we married. He is now a US Citizen. I am the only family he has in the United States. About 2 ½ years ago he began taking classes at a local community college, where he met this girl from Vietnam. She is almost 10 years younger than him. He told me that they became friends and that she tried to kiss him but that he didn’t allow it and explained that he was married. They stayed friends despite my concern and took classes together and would secretly call and text each other. About a year after starting classes our marriage hit a very bad point. Long story short I discovered his car at her house and I left him at her house without a car and nowhere to go. There are lots of reasons for this that I won’t get into, but I will say that I was supporting him while he went to college and the vehicle was mine. So when I left him he had no money or place to go. In any case, he ended up staying with this girl’s family for over a month. A little while later we got back together. He swore nothing happened with her or anyone else and I accepted this and decided to try to repair our relationship.
As soon as my husband and I got back together this girl begins calling and texting him. My husband says she is a very good friend and that he is not attracted to her. He told me that the secrecy was because he knew the calls upset me. And that is completely true. I get very upset when I see texts and calls to and from her. Of course we are not talking about a call a couple of times a week. There are several calls and texts in a day. I told my husband I would try to accept his friendship if he keeps everything in the open. He agreed.
It’s been almost a year since all of that happened. I have now moved 2 ½ hours away to take a better job with better pay. I am still the only one working while he is in school. I recently found out that he took a trip to the mountains with some friends. He never told me he was going on this trip. I was upset when I learned about this but figured it was a spontaneous boys night out.
A few weeks later I was looking at the phone records and saw a lot of phone calls to one number and asked him about it. He made an excuse that I didn’t buy and the next day the record mysteriously was deleted. I confronted him and told him that I knew he was lying. He admitted that it was that girl. This was a major shock to me because he had previously told me that she returned to her country. I also learned that he went with her to the mountains with a group of friends but claimed not to take any pictures of the friends he went with. His excuse for all this lying and secrecy is that he knew it would upset me. When I see that she is calling and texting him I do get upset. I should say in my defense that I have no problem with his other female friends, just this one in particular. He does not seem to be willing to give up this friendship even though I am uncomfortable with it. Does anyone have any advice for me?? I could really use it right now.
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