I recently posted my horror, pain, confusion, and shock of finding out I was betrayed. I'm still going through all the horrible initial reactions and I fear so dearly the future. I'm questioning the meaning of love, the meaning of life, and the meaning of me.
But reading the post for newbies by AlmostRecovered has given me a clear set of instructions for what to expect and what to do. I've shared the information with my husband who has betrayed me and he wants me to post the key words "No contact. Remorse. Transparency. Honesty." (in translation) on the mirror in the bathroom. Done!
One year ago, we had a fall out after I discovered he was frequenting chat rooms and had a fake email account which he was using to email other girls flirting and loving emails. I wanted to save our marriage and we did but we didn't. That is, I did what I found in this forum to be called "rug sweeping." I forgave him too quickly, and he had too few consequences for his actions.
A year later, on the day of our anniversary, I learn that he got a girl's number and intended to go out for hookah with her. Meanwhile, he also called an "escort" or "prostitute" phone number inquiring about the cost of her "services". I learned all of this on the day of our second anniversary. There is no evidence of a PA but clearly he had the intent, whether or not it ever happened.
While the nightmare is amplified by the fact that this is now strike two, there is one reason for me to have cautious hope. I found this forum and now realize what needs to be done to save the marriage and how forgiving quickly is not in our best interest. This time he has consequences, including my sister having knowledge of his behavior (which embarrasses him greatly).
It does feel different. The first time around he was defensive and accused me of not healing faster and being controlling. Right now he admits my right to be furious and to keep asking for information. He has admitted new information that he visited a strip club and got a stripper's number. This was the day before our anniversary. At least I didn't find out on my own.
He's trying. He seems remorseful. But I am only going to hope cautiously that he can kick his habit of lies and secrets in order to save our marriage. He knows this is our last chance. My only wish is that I could find information like on this forum which was in his language (Persian/Farsi). Thank you all, and be strong.
But reading the post for newbies by AlmostRecovered has given me a clear set of instructions for what to expect and what to do. I've shared the information with my husband who has betrayed me and he wants me to post the key words "No contact. Remorse. Transparency. Honesty." (in translation) on the mirror in the bathroom. Done!
One year ago, we had a fall out after I discovered he was frequenting chat rooms and had a fake email account which he was using to email other girls flirting and loving emails. I wanted to save our marriage and we did but we didn't. That is, I did what I found in this forum to be called "rug sweeping." I forgave him too quickly, and he had too few consequences for his actions.
A year later, on the day of our anniversary, I learn that he got a girl's number and intended to go out for hookah with her. Meanwhile, he also called an "escort" or "prostitute" phone number inquiring about the cost of her "services". I learned all of this on the day of our second anniversary. There is no evidence of a PA but clearly he had the intent, whether or not it ever happened.
While the nightmare is amplified by the fact that this is now strike two, there is one reason for me to have cautious hope. I found this forum and now realize what needs to be done to save the marriage and how forgiving quickly is not in our best interest. This time he has consequences, including my sister having knowledge of his behavior (which embarrasses him greatly).
It does feel different. The first time around he was defensive and accused me of not healing faster and being controlling. Right now he admits my right to be furious and to keep asking for information. He has admitted new information that he visited a strip club and got a stripper's number. This was the day before our anniversary. At least I didn't find out on my own.
He's trying. He seems remorseful. But I am only going to hope cautiously that he can kick his habit of lies and secrets in order to save our marriage. He knows this is our last chance. My only wish is that I could find information like on this forum which was in his language (Persian/Farsi). Thank you all, and be strong.
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