I'll apologize upfront about the length of my post...I married my DH in 2002. It was my 2nd marriage, his 3rd. His first marriage was to his high school girlfriend when he left for the Army, they divorced before ever living together. When we first met and dated things were great, we had common interests, had long talks and he was caring and attentive. After we married he adopted my son and my son thought enough of him to change his last name to his.
The first 5 years were fairly good, his father died suddenly in that time and he was fired from a job. But we always seemed to work through things and keep moving forward. In 2007 things just really went downhill, he had an affair with someone he had known from high school. He couldn't keep a steady job, so it was impossible to rely on his income. Doesn't talk, makes no plans for the future.
He has diagnosed ADHD, however, he seems to like to blame it for EVERYTHING. My son has it too and I do understand that somethings are true signs of ADHD while others I feel are just an easy excuse. We have been in marriage counseling off and on since 2007. Its the same pattern over and over again, we go to the counselor, he agrees with the counselor, says he will try harder or change or whatever and he may for a day or week and then its right back to where we were.
We have separated once last year it lasted for about 2 weeks, while he was gone he went on a spending spread and spent over $800 on a credit card and couldn't even begin to say what he bought. So of course money is a huge issue, especially when he doesn't bring in much. Right now we are currently sharing household expenses and then we each pay our car payment and credit card. That has been going on for about 6 months, so far he has bounced the car payment once and then this month he bounced the credit card payment and took the car payment money and used it for a trip rather than the car payment.
So here I am thinking this marriage is going no where and I'm going to be supporting a grown man for the rest of my life both financially and emotionally. Not that I ask for much in return, but the little I ask for is hard to get him to--take out trash, mow the grass, etc. I have become very resentful of him.
He complains about everything, but does nothing to change any of the things that make him miserable---his job, his boss, etc. He's a good guy I like him, I enjoy spending time with him, but I don't want to drag him through life the rest of my life.
The first 5 years were fairly good, his father died suddenly in that time and he was fired from a job. But we always seemed to work through things and keep moving forward. In 2007 things just really went downhill, he had an affair with someone he had known from high school. He couldn't keep a steady job, so it was impossible to rely on his income. Doesn't talk, makes no plans for the future.
He has diagnosed ADHD, however, he seems to like to blame it for EVERYTHING. My son has it too and I do understand that somethings are true signs of ADHD while others I feel are just an easy excuse. We have been in marriage counseling off and on since 2007. Its the same pattern over and over again, we go to the counselor, he agrees with the counselor, says he will try harder or change or whatever and he may for a day or week and then its right back to where we were.
We have separated once last year it lasted for about 2 weeks, while he was gone he went on a spending spread and spent over $800 on a credit card and couldn't even begin to say what he bought. So of course money is a huge issue, especially when he doesn't bring in much. Right now we are currently sharing household expenses and then we each pay our car payment and credit card. That has been going on for about 6 months, so far he has bounced the car payment once and then this month he bounced the credit card payment and took the car payment money and used it for a trip rather than the car payment.
So here I am thinking this marriage is going no where and I'm going to be supporting a grown man for the rest of my life both financially and emotionally. Not that I ask for much in return, but the little I ask for is hard to get him to--take out trash, mow the grass, etc. I have become very resentful of him.
He complains about everything, but does nothing to change any of the things that make him miserable---his job, his boss, etc. He's a good guy I like him, I enjoy spending time with him, but I don't want to drag him through life the rest of my life.
Put the internet to work for you.
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