hi,
I'm feeling lost and came here for advice/opinions.thank you for reading and any help.
my husband is 33 and im 27.we have been married for 4 years.he is a faithful man who used to love me completely in the beginning.and i love him so much.
since the last 2 years he has been changing.it's a gradual thing. but by now it's very clear he is different.
1st i ll list the changes.
1) he used to talk with me.he used to actually express opinions,tell me things that has happened to him,ask questions and have conversations with me. now whatever i say he just says ok.won't even look at me when im talking to him
2)he used to be very fun to be with. he would make faces,tickle me,make me laugh.but he never does those things now.never smiles with me
3)his kissing and hugging is half-hearted. like he is doing it because he has to (kind of-she gave me one so i shall too-)
4)he is always on the phone/ipad browsing his fb feed.and i think he is doing it to avoid talking with me
5)he used to send me e-cards,massage me,wash me.those things are gone
6)when i was angry with him for not calling me etc (silly lovers fights) he would try to make me laugh and make me talk.now he won't do anything
still,we enjoy watching TV together,he tells me he loves me,he satisfies me sexually and seems to enjoy it.he gave me nice gifts on vday etc it's not like i don't feel love.but i feel it less than before.
over the months, i ve requested a few times to talk with me,to hug me properly etc but seems he doesn't want to.
so today i asked why are you like this.he said "each fight has made me love you a bit less.so I'm not going to be that person again"
all married couples fight.for me, i forget it in a few days.but,it seems like he is keeping it all inside his mind forever.the fights he referring to are usual fights which happens between married people.i don't even remember what we fought about.
I'm guessing those fights hurt him/he hates fighting and he has distanced himself from me to stop the fights effecting him.i know he was cold and distant with everyone.not talking much etc.and when we were dating, (we met 7 years ago) one day after a fight he texted me " i have taken you inside and you have hurt me". i think he has this huge emotional wall.so i guess after each fight,he has been pushing me out and now im outside and the wall is up.i think the emotional wall came in to existence because of being hurt in his childhood.
so... how do i help him to fight and forget it and carry on normally without losing a "bit of love" every time we fight? (im guessing maybe he is keeping track of the fights because he doesn't express feelings when fighting and keeps everything bottled up.if he had some kind of closure he wouldn't cling to the fights and finish it then and there?)
how do i help him be emotionally available to me again?
any good books on the subjects of emotional walls,fighting and moving on etc?
thank you.
i'm posting this here and on another forum with medical focus.
I'm feeling lost and came here for advice/opinions.thank you for reading and any help.
my husband is 33 and im 27.we have been married for 4 years.he is a faithful man who used to love me completely in the beginning.and i love him so much.
since the last 2 years he has been changing.it's a gradual thing. but by now it's very clear he is different.
1st i ll list the changes.
1) he used to talk with me.he used to actually express opinions,tell me things that has happened to him,ask questions and have conversations with me. now whatever i say he just says ok.won't even look at me when im talking to him
2)he used to be very fun to be with. he would make faces,tickle me,make me laugh.but he never does those things now.never smiles with me
3)his kissing and hugging is half-hearted. like he is doing it because he has to (kind of-she gave me one so i shall too-)
4)he is always on the phone/ipad browsing his fb feed.and i think he is doing it to avoid talking with me
5)he used to send me e-cards,massage me,wash me.those things are gone
6)when i was angry with him for not calling me etc (silly lovers fights) he would try to make me laugh and make me talk.now he won't do anything
still,we enjoy watching TV together,he tells me he loves me,he satisfies me sexually and seems to enjoy it.he gave me nice gifts on vday etc it's not like i don't feel love.but i feel it less than before.
over the months, i ve requested a few times to talk with me,to hug me properly etc but seems he doesn't want to.
so today i asked why are you like this.he said "each fight has made me love you a bit less.so I'm not going to be that person again"
all married couples fight.for me, i forget it in a few days.but,it seems like he is keeping it all inside his mind forever.the fights he referring to are usual fights which happens between married people.i don't even remember what we fought about.
I'm guessing those fights hurt him/he hates fighting and he has distanced himself from me to stop the fights effecting him.i know he was cold and distant with everyone.not talking much etc.and when we were dating, (we met 7 years ago) one day after a fight he texted me " i have taken you inside and you have hurt me". i think he has this huge emotional wall.so i guess after each fight,he has been pushing me out and now im outside and the wall is up.i think the emotional wall came in to existence because of being hurt in his childhood.
so... how do i help him to fight and forget it and carry on normally without losing a "bit of love" every time we fight? (im guessing maybe he is keeping track of the fights because he doesn't express feelings when fighting and keeps everything bottled up.if he had some kind of closure he wouldn't cling to the fights and finish it then and there?)
how do i help him be emotionally available to me again?
any good books on the subjects of emotional walls,fighting and moving on etc?
thank you.
i'm posting this here and on another forum with medical focus.
Put the internet to work for you.
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