Separated since Nov 2012, she cheated. Attempted R for 10 weeks, I realized there's no way and I filed for D. It's sitting on the judge's desk - should be final soon.
We have 2 kids, 6 and 9, shared custody. We both agreed we'd let the other know if there was going to be another person in the kid's lives and have the opportunity to meet said person if that's what's wanted. She still works in a bar and hangs around total trash (her former AP is a coke dealer/gangster). She swears she's "only making good decisions now and only surrounding herself with really good people". Of course she's an idiot and her idea of "good people" and "good decisions" are the antithesis of mine.
Anyway, she texts me "there's someone I want the kids to meet". Of course she won't tell me who he is. After much goading she says "fine, it's Mike". I respond "very funny, sirname?". "That's all you get for now". Blood boils. I don't care that she's banging another dude, she has been forever, when we were still together...that's no longer a pain point. Although admittedly having it be "official" that she's with someone else was painful - kind of a Dday all over again. What's really awful is knowing this as*hole is going to be around my kids.
I'm a pretty good sleuth and figured out who he is - a bouncer at the bar she works at. SHOCKING!!!! Sorry, but dudes in their 30's who beat people up for a living are generally...not the type of person I want around my kids. Again, her "peers" are lowlifes, that she considers to be "salt of the earth". I'm fully aware this is inevitable and I have zero control over who she's with and who she decides to bring around my babies. But man, did it hit me hard. So bad I took the next day off work. She's not exactly the shining beacon of healthy relationships, so I can hardly see this being forever, which means I'll be going through this again.
I talked to my kids and assured them I'm always their dad, and will always be their only dad. I also told them to talk to me about anyone new they're around and come to me with any concerns. They are smart, savvy kids (they got that from me, not their idiot mother ;) ). But I still worry about it, a lot. If she were a smarter person more capable of making anything but moronic decisions I wouldn't be so stressed over it, but that ain't the case.
In some ways, this is good, as it pushes me closer to full, 100% detachment from her. It's at the point now where I don't even see her when I drop the kids off - I walk them to the door, make sure they're in and go. I only ever see her Sunday evening when she picks up the kids and it's very, very brief - just how I like it.
Anyway, it's a hard pill to swallow, and something I need to learn how to deal with. It's also one step closer to having her be nothing more than a business-like partner (we share the kids). I hate her more than anyone I've ever hated in my life, but that hate is, slowly, dying and turning into indifference. I'm working on it.
Anyone here have stories they want to share about similar experiences with their ex and kids?
We have 2 kids, 6 and 9, shared custody. We both agreed we'd let the other know if there was going to be another person in the kid's lives and have the opportunity to meet said person if that's what's wanted. She still works in a bar and hangs around total trash (her former AP is a coke dealer/gangster). She swears she's "only making good decisions now and only surrounding herself with really good people". Of course she's an idiot and her idea of "good people" and "good decisions" are the antithesis of mine.
Anyway, she texts me "there's someone I want the kids to meet". Of course she won't tell me who he is. After much goading she says "fine, it's Mike". I respond "very funny, sirname?". "That's all you get for now". Blood boils. I don't care that she's banging another dude, she has been forever, when we were still together...that's no longer a pain point. Although admittedly having it be "official" that she's with someone else was painful - kind of a Dday all over again. What's really awful is knowing this as*hole is going to be around my kids.
I'm a pretty good sleuth and figured out who he is - a bouncer at the bar she works at. SHOCKING!!!! Sorry, but dudes in their 30's who beat people up for a living are generally...not the type of person I want around my kids. Again, her "peers" are lowlifes, that she considers to be "salt of the earth". I'm fully aware this is inevitable and I have zero control over who she's with and who she decides to bring around my babies. But man, did it hit me hard. So bad I took the next day off work. She's not exactly the shining beacon of healthy relationships, so I can hardly see this being forever, which means I'll be going through this again.
I talked to my kids and assured them I'm always their dad, and will always be their only dad. I also told them to talk to me about anyone new they're around and come to me with any concerns. They are smart, savvy kids (they got that from me, not their idiot mother ;) ). But I still worry about it, a lot. If she were a smarter person more capable of making anything but moronic decisions I wouldn't be so stressed over it, but that ain't the case.
In some ways, this is good, as it pushes me closer to full, 100% detachment from her. It's at the point now where I don't even see her when I drop the kids off - I walk them to the door, make sure they're in and go. I only ever see her Sunday evening when she picks up the kids and it's very, very brief - just how I like it.
Anyway, it's a hard pill to swallow, and something I need to learn how to deal with. It's also one step closer to having her be nothing more than a business-like partner (we share the kids). I hate her more than anyone I've ever hated in my life, but that hate is, slowly, dying and turning into indifference. I'm working on it.
Anyone here have stories they want to share about similar experiences with their ex and kids?
Put the internet to work for you.
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