Hi! Im 23yrs old lady...with a lot of questions in my mind...I have been with my husband (24yrs old) for two years...
I don't know if my marriage is over...:confused: Here is the story:
Im from Latin America and I went to another country to study...while I was there, I met this wonderful guy which I felt in love so fast! I love this man! We agreed that we were looking for a LONG TERM relationship, so we start living together, then I went back to my country...we kept our relationship through internet...Months later he came to visit me to my country...it was weird because he didn't like the wether and my mom was criticizing me all the time because I was sleeping with him without being married...so it created tension in the atmosphere...then I was angry all the time...So then he left so angry at me and at the situation…he stop talking to me with for three weeks (he used to send me some messages, but he wouldn't pick up my calls)…I told him that I was sorry...that my mom always creates this kind of tension when she is around with him time, and I started making some changes with me...like learning how to be with someone in a relationship and those kind of things....
that same year we got married in his country...that day was beautiful! just the two of us near a lake with God looking for us...we wanted a private wedding because first, we couldn't afford inviting people and second, we believe that marriage it is just about the couple...anyway we were happy…then I got super sick with bronchitis (I have never been so sick in my life)…he took care of me...it was amazing...it supposed to be our honeymoon and he didn't care...Then I had to come back to my country again, and we kept our relationship, learning more about each others...then he came back to my country and I told my mom to chill out...so she did and we had a great time!!…everything was beautiful!…When he went back to his country, I decide that I wanted to spend more time with hi...so I moved out there for over 5 months, but it was not that great because all my past was getting on the way (I had a really awful childhood) so I thought I couldn't move on with my life if I didn't take care of that...So I told him for the first time what happened in my childhood and he was there for me...then I got depressed and negative...then I came back to my country...and it got worst (It always hurt me so bad every time we separate from each other)...I was so depressed (I have never suffer from depression before), that one day I called him to work telling him that I didn't see the point of life...he told me he will be there for me and we talk....I told him that I didn't want to be like this, so I asked him for help...but I was so into being negative and overthinking that I got afraid of the past and now of the future...I was wondering what am i gonna do when I go to live with him in his country? what happen if I don't find a job?...is he gonna be able to look for us?…so our time on skype will be just arguing for nonsense things like "you should get a better job" "I don't know if I want to go over there" "I am fine here in my country" "I don't want to be homeless" "you should study more in order to get a better job!….…I was being paranoid! :scratchhead:(I have never suffered from paranoia)…So I was so hateful and angry. The last thing he said something to me was this (he sent me a email):
"I'm really sorry... I went really crazy this morning... I couldn't sleep last night... I can't do this anymore... I want nothing more in the world than to be alone... I don't think this is something we can work out... I can't live like this... it's not a life..."
My world felt apart! I started crying and begging him to talk to me...then I cool off and I was like "I screwed it…now I have to fix it"…so I started thinking how to fix the root of the problem and I started to get closer to myself and God…So I found out that I was being afraid of the past and the future, instead of living the present…I was so stupid missing all the great things of the NOW, for being worried for something that has already happened and things that I didn't even know if they would happen…I was being immature and negative…So I worked hard and I am still working reading a lot about deleting toxic thoughts from my life…I've had the help of God, my mom and my best friend…While I was doing this I tried to talk to him,.but my husband won't talk to me at all...I have sent him videos, pictures and messages telling him that I was sorry and that he know I am not like that…It was just a weak moment of my life and I was getting better!…I told him that I recognized my mistakes and that if he want to talk, I will be hear to listen, not to criticize him or to defend myself…just to listen him…Also, I told him that if he didn't want to talk about problems and feelings…we can talk about something else first...I told him that I understood why he got hurt but it was time for us to talk...and then I told him this:
"I commit myself to not let the same mistakes happen again...I am making myself a better person and a better lover...I was wrong in the way that I was handling things, but these past weeks I have learnt a lot about myself and about how to have a healthy relationship...I knew that something bad was going on before, but I wasn't strong enough to fight it...so I am telling you that this time will be different in a good way, and it is gonna stay like that because I want to make you happy and because I love you with all my heart....I know that probably you are doubting, but all I want to tell you that I have changed and it would be nice if you let me to demonstrate that to you...so please let's give a try for our love!"
The first weeks of the silent treatment where the worst…I felt so guilty and stupid…I thought I was kind of a monster because I hurt him, but then I started reading online and here at TAM…I felt like everybody have their problems and marriage is about learning and growing up together…So I didn't see myself like that anymore…I know probably I was weak, but I am learning have to be stronger and do not let the problems or situation get over me (I even didn't recognize myself because I am a person that can handle hard situations…I studied two degrees at the same time here in my country and I never suffered from stress or depression before)…
Right now I am here in my country while he is in his country…I am planing to got next week because I was the one that screwed up, so I am the one that has to go and say sorry…(I didn't go before because he told me that he would run away, if I go)…so I was afraid to go and I was feeling so sad…I still feel sad and I cry every single day because this is so hard….I am going there because I know that even if I tried to talk to him, I haven't done everything to save my marriage…so that is why I am going, but I have my doubts because he hasn't say a word to me for over a month….
I feel so ashamed and I am looking for advice…. Please don't be afraid to be honest…that is why I am here…thanks!
Here are some info about the two of us:
My personality: I am a caring person…I love physical contact with my partner (he likes it to)…I love helping people and being supportive (I have been there for him and he said he likes that)…I like assertive communication…I love my partner with all my heart and I think he is smoking hot, smart, funny and a nice person…
My partner's personality: He is caring..he loves physical contact…he likes helping (not as much as I do)…he is funny and crazy..he is hard working…he is private with his feelings and he avoids problems…
We had a great relationship our only big problem was communication, I like dealing with stuff and he just stay quiet and don't say anything…so I have tried him to open up by not being too pushy and giving him his time…sometimes works and sometimes doesn't work….it works when the problem is mine or something else…it doesn't work when he is the one with the problem…so we stopped our progress because of my depressive situation and then his silent treatment…
(sorry for my grammar, english is not my native language and I am still learning)
I don't know if my marriage is over...:confused: Here is the story:
Im from Latin America and I went to another country to study...while I was there, I met this wonderful guy which I felt in love so fast! I love this man! We agreed that we were looking for a LONG TERM relationship, so we start living together, then I went back to my country...we kept our relationship through internet...Months later he came to visit me to my country...it was weird because he didn't like the wether and my mom was criticizing me all the time because I was sleeping with him without being married...so it created tension in the atmosphere...then I was angry all the time...So then he left so angry at me and at the situation…he stop talking to me with for three weeks (he used to send me some messages, but he wouldn't pick up my calls)…I told him that I was sorry...that my mom always creates this kind of tension when she is around with him time, and I started making some changes with me...like learning how to be with someone in a relationship and those kind of things....
that same year we got married in his country...that day was beautiful! just the two of us near a lake with God looking for us...we wanted a private wedding because first, we couldn't afford inviting people and second, we believe that marriage it is just about the couple...anyway we were happy…then I got super sick with bronchitis (I have never been so sick in my life)…he took care of me...it was amazing...it supposed to be our honeymoon and he didn't care...Then I had to come back to my country again, and we kept our relationship, learning more about each others...then he came back to my country and I told my mom to chill out...so she did and we had a great time!!…everything was beautiful!…When he went back to his country, I decide that I wanted to spend more time with hi...so I moved out there for over 5 months, but it was not that great because all my past was getting on the way (I had a really awful childhood) so I thought I couldn't move on with my life if I didn't take care of that...So I told him for the first time what happened in my childhood and he was there for me...then I got depressed and negative...then I came back to my country...and it got worst (It always hurt me so bad every time we separate from each other)...I was so depressed (I have never suffer from depression before), that one day I called him to work telling him that I didn't see the point of life...he told me he will be there for me and we talk....I told him that I didn't want to be like this, so I asked him for help...but I was so into being negative and overthinking that I got afraid of the past and now of the future...I was wondering what am i gonna do when I go to live with him in his country? what happen if I don't find a job?...is he gonna be able to look for us?…so our time on skype will be just arguing for nonsense things like "you should get a better job" "I don't know if I want to go over there" "I am fine here in my country" "I don't want to be homeless" "you should study more in order to get a better job!….…I was being paranoid! :scratchhead:(I have never suffered from paranoia)…So I was so hateful and angry. The last thing he said something to me was this (he sent me a email):
"I'm really sorry... I went really crazy this morning... I couldn't sleep last night... I can't do this anymore... I want nothing more in the world than to be alone... I don't think this is something we can work out... I can't live like this... it's not a life..."
My world felt apart! I started crying and begging him to talk to me...then I cool off and I was like "I screwed it…now I have to fix it"…so I started thinking how to fix the root of the problem and I started to get closer to myself and God…So I found out that I was being afraid of the past and the future, instead of living the present…I was so stupid missing all the great things of the NOW, for being worried for something that has already happened and things that I didn't even know if they would happen…I was being immature and negative…So I worked hard and I am still working reading a lot about deleting toxic thoughts from my life…I've had the help of God, my mom and my best friend…While I was doing this I tried to talk to him,.but my husband won't talk to me at all...I have sent him videos, pictures and messages telling him that I was sorry and that he know I am not like that…It was just a weak moment of my life and I was getting better!…I told him that I recognized my mistakes and that if he want to talk, I will be hear to listen, not to criticize him or to defend myself…just to listen him…Also, I told him that if he didn't want to talk about problems and feelings…we can talk about something else first...I told him that I understood why he got hurt but it was time for us to talk...and then I told him this:
"I commit myself to not let the same mistakes happen again...I am making myself a better person and a better lover...I was wrong in the way that I was handling things, but these past weeks I have learnt a lot about myself and about how to have a healthy relationship...I knew that something bad was going on before, but I wasn't strong enough to fight it...so I am telling you that this time will be different in a good way, and it is gonna stay like that because I want to make you happy and because I love you with all my heart....I know that probably you are doubting, but all I want to tell you that I have changed and it would be nice if you let me to demonstrate that to you...so please let's give a try for our love!"
The first weeks of the silent treatment where the worst…I felt so guilty and stupid…I thought I was kind of a monster because I hurt him, but then I started reading online and here at TAM…I felt like everybody have their problems and marriage is about learning and growing up together…So I didn't see myself like that anymore…I know probably I was weak, but I am learning have to be stronger and do not let the problems or situation get over me (I even didn't recognize myself because I am a person that can handle hard situations…I studied two degrees at the same time here in my country and I never suffered from stress or depression before)…
Right now I am here in my country while he is in his country…I am planing to got next week because I was the one that screwed up, so I am the one that has to go and say sorry…(I didn't go before because he told me that he would run away, if I go)…so I was afraid to go and I was feeling so sad…I still feel sad and I cry every single day because this is so hard….I am going there because I know that even if I tried to talk to him, I haven't done everything to save my marriage…so that is why I am going, but I have my doubts because he hasn't say a word to me for over a month….
I feel so ashamed and I am looking for advice…. Please don't be afraid to be honest…that is why I am here…thanks!
Here are some info about the two of us:
My personality: I am a caring person…I love physical contact with my partner (he likes it to)…I love helping people and being supportive (I have been there for him and he said he likes that)…I like assertive communication…I love my partner with all my heart and I think he is smoking hot, smart, funny and a nice person…
My partner's personality: He is caring..he loves physical contact…he likes helping (not as much as I do)…he is funny and crazy..he is hard working…he is private with his feelings and he avoids problems…
We had a great relationship our only big problem was communication, I like dealing with stuff and he just stay quiet and don't say anything…so I have tried him to open up by not being too pushy and giving him his time…sometimes works and sometimes doesn't work….it works when the problem is mine or something else…it doesn't work when he is the one with the problem…so we stopped our progress because of my depressive situation and then his silent treatment…
(sorry for my grammar, english is not my native language and I am still learning)
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