Hate Letter ...

I've now been separated from STBXH for two months. My emotions are quite a rollercoaster and I cannot put my finger on what it is that I am feeling exactly, as I feel .. numb. I have several threads on this website, of the days counting down to when I discovered WS infidelity and walked out. I had my suspiciousness, had discovered him over and over again, constant confrontations and constant excuses. Eventually he just got better at hiding things, or so he thought. His affairs were all EAs, nothing physical - but it hurt just as much. I have no contact with him whatsoever now, I have constantly thought of writing up a hate letter, saying what needs to be said, sometimes I come very close to sending a hateful text as well, but, I know it'll only cause more poison in my life, and he most likely, could probably care less as to what I think right now. Every once in a while he sends texts, some are mean, sometimes to "check up on me", sometimes he wants to let me know that regardless of me in his life or not, he will not spend his "forever" alone, and will find someone to be "happy" with .. I do not respond, in fact, I have constantly blocked his # but he somehow finds any way to get ahold of me ... I just never thought this is where I'd be at 27. I know none of us plan to be divorced and none of us ever have that on our checklist, but things seemed so perfect, my career, our relationship, the way things were going was a dream ... and suddenly I am now trying to grasp that he's not besides me anymore, it's almost too much to bare. I cannot sleep, at all ... I get about 3 hrs a sleep per night, I wake up in a sweat frenzy from constant nightmares, and if not from nightmares I just wake easily and do hope to find him besides me ... not happening. We now live in different states, and are waiting on divorce papers to finish up. I dont cry. I feel if I do I might lose all control and give in to whatever he needs/wants. He plays victim. He actually tried to get me to apologize after walking out. He said I needed to apologize, for ruining our marriage, otherwise he has nothing to say to me, and wants nothing to do with me, I told him to go fvck himself. I'm just waiting for this nightmare to wane out. Bare with me.

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979