| First off, back in late October my husband informed me that he wasn't in love with me anymore. Of course, i was devistated. We decided to try and work on things, like making more "us" time and going out on dates..We get through the holidays, and with money tight we weren't able to go out in December, and around the 2nd week of January he told me the same thing, and it hasn't gotten better. What bothers me the most, is he's felt this way for 2 years now. Why wouldn't he have told me sooner? He says it's not my fault he fell out of love. We have been together for 12 years, and married for 9 years (as of March 20th). We have 2 wonderful kids together. He legally adopted my daughter, and we had a son together. I always thought we'd be together forever. We decide to try marriage counseling, and at our first meeting, he tells me that he had an affair about 5 days before on Jan 22nd, with some girl he used to know in high school almost 20 years ago, and has been in touch with since last summer. He assured me it only happened this one time, so being the forgiving wife that I am, I forgave him. He said he did it because he thought we were through...Ummm hello?? we'll be through when he's signing the divorce papers, but in my eyes, we were still trying to work on things. Now we've been to 2 sessions, and have one coming next Wednesday. He informed me last night, that for about a year he's thought of me as more of a friend, than a wife. He feels like when he kisses me, it's like kissing his sister. This felt like a slap in the face. I didn't sleep well last night, and I've been crying pretty much since he left for work this morning at 4am. He hasn't talked to this other woman in 2 weeks, but tells me he still thinks about her and honestly wants to be with her. She is married, but going through a divorce herself and has 2 boys. My husband says that maybe more time not talking to her would help him concentrate on me, but i'm afra id it may backfire and he would think about her more. I've been stalking his facebook page and friends lists, keeping track of our cell phone records, and watching him on the Find Friends app on my phone. He knows all of this and is perfectly OK with me doing it, in order to get that trust back. I never used to keep track of him like that, because I always trusted him. I've been depressed for about 3 weeks now, and feel that the future is so uncertain. He says that our kids is the only reason why he hasn't left sooner. There's alot of married couples out there that stay together for the kids..Why can't this be us? Should I just give up and let him leave? Should I keep trying to hang on to our marriage? I don't want him feeling miserable, which is how he says he has felt for 2 years...But I am miserable, knowing that my own husband doesn't love me, doesn't want me to kiss him, and most like won't want to have sex anymore. That's not a marriage...So, if he stays, i'll be wonde ring what's going to happen to us, or if he leaves, he'll be moving in with this other woman, and i'll have my kids and will try to move on with my life. |
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