| I have lurked long enough hoping to get solutions to my marriage. Here is the situation: My husband of 3 years (I'm 25, he's 35) is in public eye and is exposed to groupies. That's just background info. In the beginning, I would tell him that I'm going to do something with friends, he always asks "when were you going to tell me that? I had planned to do X." My feeling on that is when were you going to tell me? But I never argued that point. So in order to stop his ranting about it, I started saying "I was thinking of doing X if you don't have anything planned." Sometimes he would just say ok. That changeed to challenging something about my plans every time. So to avoid his arguments I just started asking "do you mind if I do X". He always did for one reason or another, so I just went back to telling him my plan, listening to him rant, and do it anyway unless he brought up a valid point. This is stuff like going to dinner with girlfriends, going to a sporting event, going shopping and maybe lunch, getting together to just do girl stuff like exploring makeup, etc., doing birthday celebrations with the girls. Sporting events sometime include SO's for the other girls, sometimes not. There's never bars, parties, clubs or any of that stuff. Yet, because of his position and career, he justifies doing whatever he wants to do as being work-related. Granted, it often is, sometimes I'm with him, sometimes not. I HATE going to things with him because many of the women are so blatantly flirtatious, not even caring if I'm with him or not. Unless I'm attached to his arm, they are going to come up to him in an inappropriate manner. Then we will argue about it all the way home and into the night. Yet if anyone of his colleagues or friends gives me a compliment in front of him he will embarrass me by joking with them but in a menacing way saying "don't be looking at my wife, don't touch my wife, etc." It's like he's joking but not really, and he will always grab/pull me toward him. He is constantly telling me that I'm susceptible to cheating because I'm naïve (virgin when we married) and don't recognize a play for me from another man. Which brings me to his cheating possibilities. One of the things he does is host a late night talk radio show in our city that has an almost cult-liked following. On it he will openly say stuff like how HOT Beyonce was in the Superbowl, how a caller sounds hot, and if she sounds like a "great" girl and her husband/SO need to learn to APPRECIATE her like he would. He does this when he does guest deejay on some R&B stations also. Usually the station will make a big deal like "tune in tomorrow when [husband] will be guest dj and their ratings sky rocket. My co-workers know when, they listen, and it's just embarrassing how he talks about women on the show and never about me. I have tried to tell him how hurtful this is but he just says I should quit the job, I don't need it. But I love my job and the fact that I have been able to advance in it. Plus at this point, I don't want to quit for another reason which I will say later. I know this is very childish, but once I called into the show, I didn't give my real name, and disguised my voice. I didn't think he recognized me. He all but sexted me up on the air. Then when he got home the first thing he said was if you that bold to call in, why didn't you say "this is [husband's] wife?" I was really embarrassed and he just laughed at me and said it's okay baby. He doesn't even mention he is married at all on his show. He says it doesn't matter because they see me with him enough to know it and that they "can't miss the bling" on my finger. He does other types of events and radio shows (some sports talk, etc.). So any way, when he goes to these out of town events, he doesn't call me much (not a lot of time to do it, but he could at least text). I use to call and text him a lot but now I don't. So he might be gone for 3 or 4 days and there will be no contact at all. So this causes other arguments when he gets home. He says I should just come with him, but we always end up arguing about some flirting woman and I have actually left to come back home without him. He also has women tweeting him all the time talking about how hot he is and he doesn't say he is married. I have actually seen women arguing about whether or not he is married on twitter. I have left him 3 times, because of escalations from those things above. I have just told him I need to get away from him for a while, but each time he has come to where I was and begged me to come back home and says how much he loves me and that I get upset even though he has never cheated on me (his words, not mine). I know that I love him WAY TOO MUCH. I don't know why. He wants to have a baby but it is no way I can bring a child into this mess. This is so stressful because I feel there is only a matter of time before he either cheats on me and I find out, or he just dumps me. That's why I don't want to quit my job so that I am not dependent on him financially. I want to be able to support myself if he dumps me. He has no access to my account and I have no access to his. He pays all the bills. I'm not on his house either because he had it before we got married. Our every day life usually consist of we are either arguing heatedly, or we can't keep our hands off each other and are snuggled up together. There is no in-between, and It really drains me. The sex is just totally addictive to me. He knows exactly how I liked to be touched and he never holds back. So finally I am down to what I posted for. Does anyone have any ideas of how I can diffuse these heated aspects of our marriage. I just don't think I can permanently leave him. To quote one of those sites you link to from TAM, (MMSL?), I guess I'm just waiting for the shotgun blast to my heart so I'm pretty much resigned that it's coming at some point. Does anyone know that old Smokey Robinson song (my Dad LOVES Smokey and plays oldies all the time) You Really Got a Hold on Me; google the words, it's really pitiful but that's how I feel. Plus when I think about leaving I always think "suppose he really does love me and would never leave or cheat? then I would have left the man I love for nothing." I know people always recommend MC, but do you really think that would help a couple like us? I could easily see the MC just walking out of the room when we get into one of our classic shouting matches. | |||
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