It's been 22 loooooonggg years...

I'm new to this forum and looking through it can see that it's largely a US based discussion group, so please excuse the intrusion of an English guy! What's amazing in reading the threads are how many are in the same or similar situations although the advice varies widely. This may go on for a bit so my apologies; I will really respect you if you make it to the end of my piece, and fully understand if you don't! So the basics of where I'm at…. I met my wife about 22-23 years ago and coming at the end of a rather haphazard dating period decided I "needed to settle down" (ducks first thrown stone – yes, I know, not the right reason for long term relationship).After a while we talked about kids and I went along with it thinking it would be some time before anything happened. No. Wrong. 6 weeks later she was pregnant. So I did what I considered "the decent thing" and married her (I'm English remember!). Now here's the thing; when the registrar said "do you take her for ever" (or whatever they say) every fibre in my body was shouting NOOOOOOOO! Now don't get me wrong. I loved her but it has never been the full-on OMG I love this person SOOOO much. Anyway, my son was born very premature and having survived a less than 30% chance of survival he was left a healthy kid but suffering from mild Special Needs wrapped around Dyspraxia. Because of his condition he has needed a phenomenal amount of support and now we're getting to the rub of my situation. Without being detrimental to my wife, she doesn't have the wherewithal to manage many of the issues he has had and as she's not academically gifted was unable to help him with school either. So whilst trying to build a successful career and all the pressure that goes with that I also had to be the stronger support, councillor and teacher for my son. And yes, if I'm honest I resented how much more I had to put in. My wife's mother died some 15 years ago and that shook her to the core; she has never truly got over it and refused counselling. Instead she used food as a comfort and became seriously overweight. Her moods, never her strong point, became increasingly crabby and not to put too finer a point on it, she became bloody hard work. But my son needed the emotional connection of a 'solid family' along with the additional practical/educational support. What's that? How's the physical/emotional side of the marriage like? Well we haven't kissed for over 6 years now (seriously!), there's been no sex for 8 years and for 4 years before that it was a couple of times a year when we were drunk. Emotion? None. I'm a very emotional / romantic / passionate guy who loves the physical side too. My wife isn't any of those things (she would admit as much herself). We barely talk now, have absolutely NOTHING in common and hence never go out. A typical day is get up, go to work, come home, I cook, we all have 15 minutes together eating then she goes to the bedroom to watch TV, my son goes to his and I stay downstairs. It was her 50th last year so how did we celebrate? She went to Vegas with her sister. But we never argue, there's little bad tension, we just tolerate each other. I have long talked of leaving my wife and yes, have had affairs (I crave love, emotion and sex so when it came long I'm afraid I weakened and grabbed at it), but I've always said I will hold out until my son can stand on his own two feet. Well here's the thing; he's reached that point. He's got a job, a car and a girlfriend – I can do no more for him (will always "be there for him" but you understand what I mean). So I've now booked to see a solicitor for initial discussions about divorce. There's no love in the marriage. I have no feelings for my wife and physically, if she offered me sex on a plate I couldn't bear the thought and would reject it. We live separate lives. So why is this moving on SO scary?! I've seen two great quotes: "if you knew you had 3 months left to live, would you live it as you are now?" (no) and "what would you do if you weren't afraid?" (leave). Does this resonate with anyone else – a clear knowledge that the sensible thing FOR BOTH is to move on and find a true soul-mate but making that move is bloody scary? Thank you if you've made it this far, award yourself a drink and congratulatory slap on the back!

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979