| For anyone who has not followed my other post. My husband is having an EA. And because our conversation always turn into a verbal boxing match nothing really gets said or heard. My response to all this was...I will write it down, then you can see what I'm trying to say. He agreed, he wanted to read what I had to say. He proceeded by buying me a journal. These are my exact words I wrote to him. This could get long... It would befitting to start off the New Year with a positive note. Sooo...A year or two ago, actually 09 I met a married couple who were artists. I found them while searching for inspiration on a piece I was trying to create. they were involved in an Artist Gallery/Forum online.They had some great pieces and we struck up conversation about them.... We corresponded for bout 2 months when one day I sensed an underground current of something not right. To cut to the chase. It appears that another member of that site, whom the couple new personally, tried to wedge her way into this couples life by advances toward the gentleman. I have to commend him for NOT falling pray to this woman who was out to destroy his marriage. It was refreshing..a rarity in today's society. Because you see, this couple and I have the same view towards marriage...and that is. There are two ...who come to the center of this core, and surrounding this core is a magnificent wall. Within that wall there's love...much nurturing..bonding....respect and trust. From this center core you go beyond to explore and learn. YET ALWAYS AWARE of that center core...this heart, is only RESERVED for the other. And if this bond is broken. The walls will erode...crumble, then fall... I don't know! I look around and what I see, feel, sense and hear troubles me. My walls are not as they should be. there's erosion and large holes. that's an indication of an intrusion. A manipulating, controlling factor that seeks to place itself permanently in my core...a surrogate replacement. Who let it in? Who opened the door? It wasn't me.I would never disrespect my marriage. Something that seems innocent is NOT! There's a disturbing sense in the air. It's been evolving for quite sometime, only to intensify over the past year...the gut tells me somethings not right.. I thought this year was going to start out positive...you know OPEN, HONEST, TRANSPARENT! But NO. There's those same old attachments wanting to interfere, control and manipulate. There are certain things I don't understand...and that is..When you are married and have "Friends of the Opposite Sex" those relationships take a back seat. There are certain things that are inappropriate and that DO NOT SUPPORT a marriage. It should be common knowledge that YOU do not open up emotionally to someone of the opposite sex when you are married. Your emotional needs are to be met by your spouse only! opening up to someone else allows them into that space that is RESERVED for your SPOUSE. This is a scenario that is troubling.... What I really find disrespectful, with a host of many other things,is the constant texting and calling. This INSIDIOUS person text each morning like clock work. Doesn't matter what time...5am,6am...7!...? Of course they want to connect! Their reason for it is so YOU give them your UNDIVIDED ATTENTION! They SUCK all the Energy. And it gives them great pleasure to know they TRUMP your spouse. You know,it's like a big SLAP in the face every morning. Oh but that's not the end of the disrespect. Why would this person stop at just one. What are in these text? They speak of love, I miss you's,oxoxo...hugs and kisses, you are so wonderfuls. "A BUNCH OF VOMIT" When are you coming over....got crumpets....can you help me do something...whatever. Can yo do this? On and On and On everyday this goes on! What a WASTE of ENERGY and TIME!!!!! Any nit wit with half a brain can tell you that this is NOT a platonic friendship. It's something more. Even more HURTFUL is a SPOUSE who ENCOURAGES it! And you don't dare say to much about it...you'll be seen as stepping out of line..out of control. So you have concerns.what happens next? Well you know those boulders that held up that marriage wall? The ones that fell...because you the spouse (your wife)were trying to protect something sacred? You are now thought as the enemy of this friendship...so these boulders are used to protect the manipulating, controlling, narcissist sociopath from the spouse. They now get all the praise, the your so beautiful, hugs and kisses and so forth. Now it has become all deceptive and secretive.Don't talk about THEM! The places they meet, the time spent together, the phone calls the text...the EGO STROKING, hugs, cuddling,massaging...... I CANT IMAGINE doing this to my HUSBAND. NO BOUNDARIES very Disrespectful and I might add done BLATANTLY in my face. Watching this so call friends treat each other like they are married.In fact that is what seems to be taking place. The tables turn. The friend takes on the spouses role and the spouse is now the friend. There are so many red flags to this relationship, One things for sure... It's NOT PLATONIC!!!! It is INAPPROPRIATE for a MARRIED person to text & receive text and phone calls from someone of the opposite sex. Every hour on the hour...daily!! For what? To monopolize your time and energy? No because there's more that's going on, something INTIMATE! IT' is INAPPROPRIATE to, Synchronize your phone, calender and watch to this other person! It is INAPPROPRIATE to run around shopping, meet up for lunch and not tell your spouse! "Hey darlin I saw you!" Basically YOU shouldn't be doing anything with this person...WHY? Because you are MARRIED!! The dynamics of this so called friendship will change NOW or you will lose a lot.And I'm not talking material things. Those mean NOTHING! This Friend of yours is SO DISRESPECTFUL in so many ways. You are NOT to be discussing our marriage, finances, business, or items that belong to us with this TROLL! You've talked about these things with her and I've been informed. YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BE WORKING ON YOUR MARRIAGE! Which was our NEW YEARS RESOLUTION TO ONE ANOTHER! NOT! nurturing some intimate friendship with this POACHER! YES! POACHER. She can't find anyone for herself so she poaches a married man. That's what poachers do. The way things seem to be heading, I don't expect much change. I beleive it will continue, Continue to tell this person everything,continue to text and call 24/7 continue to nurture this troll, continue to bow down and be at her beckon call. It's just like distribution of wealth.You take what belongs to this person(emotional energy)and redistribute to someone who does not deserve it...the manipulator...the controller. This person disrespects our marriage as well as me.All this relationship does is break down the marriage And YOU are just as much to blame.You allowed it to happen! So en-light of all the above.I am prepared to move on FOR MYSELF.I can NO LONGER live in a TOXIC ENVIRONMENT And YES I am a DOOR MAT to you as indicated by your behavior with this person. You are a sad man and you make me sad. He read it and said he was glad he did.He said it was TRUE. And there is no way on earth are we splitting. There is to much to lose. In response I demanded the dynamics of that friendship must stop. He agreed. Heres the clinker. Hes shoved it under the rug as if it was nothing. No talking, only if I bring something up. When I get depressed, he says don't do that to yourself..let's do something fun.Okay, I get it, he's trying to take my mind off it.I realize it's been barely a week since he has read this.But don't you need to talk about it in order to RESOLVE it. This woman text and called him all super bowel weekend.I counted 8 in a row as we sat next to one another. He told me it was her because I asked. I told him he needed to have a discussion with her or I will. He said he would,but I doubt he has yet. I personally don't think, he thinks, he's done anything wrong! or maybe ashamed. He is inherently shy. How do you resolve this? How do you get someone to open up? I still have open wounds and no resolve. Was I not clear in my message? HELP!? | |||
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