| I am so frustrated with myself right now! I can't believe what I just did, what a stupid decision. I'm so cowardly it's unbelievable! Right, last lesson, when I arrived at the classroom my "crush" (let's call him Harry) was there, having just arrived before me. The teacher was off and had left us some work to collect on a desk. I said to Harry: "Oooh, is he off?" Harry: "Yes!" *I pick up the sheet* *We go back into the corridor* "Are we allowed to go home now?" I asked him, unsure if we were supposed to stay or ... And he said "Yeah I suppose. Which I hate!" "Why?" I said. "Because I get picked up from school, and I have to wait." Then he looked at me, and it was kind of a lingering look. And I had an amazing thought rush through me - what if I ask him if we can go to the library and do the work together?! Because I was pretty sure he was going to go there and do it anyway. But of course, being ME, I just stood there awkwardly, opening and closing my mouth, until I heard myself saying: "Alright then, see you on Monday," and then I turned and walked off. WHY AM I SUCH A COWARD!!! I like this boy so much, he's really nice and doesn't treat me like a total weirdo like everyone else. But when I keep wasting opportunities like this .... Argh. I'm almost crying with despair. I am never, ever going to get anywhere if this is how I act. I'm so afraid of rejection or embarrassment I will go to any lengths to avoid it, even doing things that make me utterly sad. | |||
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