Where to begin. I used to come onto this site to berate people in affairs and to share my experience. Now I have put myself in the same place. Given that both of my parents cheated and continue to battle addiction (as well as each other), I thought I'd be smarter. My life has taken many turns over the past 2 years. My wife has developed a chronic illness and other than essential functions she has become a shut in. Which, other than work pretty much makes me a shut in.
I began spending more time on the laptop and fell in with a crowd of people I found interesting. We game and video chat online. One member of the group is a very pretty 21 y.o. accounting student we'll call "Lexie". In spite of my best efforts I took a liking to her. At first it was all me. We "got along" pretty well after a while and began talking regularly outside of our social circle. Sometimes until 4AM.
I will admit I purposely began to insinuate myself into her life because I developed a massive crush on her. We would goof off together and have inside jokes and stuff. Our friends began to roll their eyes b/c of the flirting and call her "your girlfriend" when they talked to me about her. We even have our own song we sing to annoy the crap out of the others.
I seriously thought this was all one sided until she confessed she felt the same way. She hasn't had much luck with men her own age in her part of the country.
I am addicted to this person. In my freetime, I find myself eye banging the pics I have of her. I think about her constantly. I told my wife that I have a "friend" who I talk to and game with. I had hoped to ellicit a little jealousy. Instead, she said that she was glad I "had someone to vent to." She isn't threatened by Lexie at all. I almost get the feeling she knows what's going on but doesn't care at this point.
I don't want to give this, whatever it is, up. I am actually afraid to. I was at a low point when I met Lexie and knowing her has pulled me out of a very dark place. I won't go back there. I am hoping she finds a boyfriend so that I will have no say in the matter and that will be that.
I know how this post reads, but I can assure you that I know what I am doing is wrong. I can also assure you that it would be WAY different if the roles were reversed and it was my wife in the EA! If you read some of my previous posts you will see what a hypocrite I have become. I have come here for perspective. I know from experience that his board can be particulary rough. I'm prepared for you to give it me good. Hopefully it will be the magic words that help out of the fog. Thanks.
I began spending more time on the laptop and fell in with a crowd of people I found interesting. We game and video chat online. One member of the group is a very pretty 21 y.o. accounting student we'll call "Lexie". In spite of my best efforts I took a liking to her. At first it was all me. We "got along" pretty well after a while and began talking regularly outside of our social circle. Sometimes until 4AM.
I will admit I purposely began to insinuate myself into her life because I developed a massive crush on her. We would goof off together and have inside jokes and stuff. Our friends began to roll their eyes b/c of the flirting and call her "your girlfriend" when they talked to me about her. We even have our own song we sing to annoy the crap out of the others.
I seriously thought this was all one sided until she confessed she felt the same way. She hasn't had much luck with men her own age in her part of the country.
I am addicted to this person. In my freetime, I find myself eye banging the pics I have of her. I think about her constantly. I told my wife that I have a "friend" who I talk to and game with. I had hoped to ellicit a little jealousy. Instead, she said that she was glad I "had someone to vent to." She isn't threatened by Lexie at all. I almost get the feeling she knows what's going on but doesn't care at this point.
I don't want to give this, whatever it is, up. I am actually afraid to. I was at a low point when I met Lexie and knowing her has pulled me out of a very dark place. I won't go back there. I am hoping she finds a boyfriend so that I will have no say in the matter and that will be that.
I know how this post reads, but I can assure you that I know what I am doing is wrong. I can also assure you that it would be WAY different if the roles were reversed and it was my wife in the EA! If you read some of my previous posts you will see what a hypocrite I have become. I have come here for perspective. I know from experience that his board can be particulary rough. I'm prepared for you to give it me good. Hopefully it will be the magic words that help out of the fog. Thanks.
Put the internet to work for you.
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