Thanks for reading this guys. I really appreciate all your help.
The story: I'm under 30 and I've been married to my husband for five years, together for almost ten years. No kids. We've had a lot of problems over the years and nowadays we are constantly arguing and our sex life is non-existent.
The problem is that I've always felt that he's not that interested in me. We are also very different. I'm outgoing, emotional and intuitive, at times "all over the place", and I love living in the moment. My husband is a quiet, calm and rational person who doesn't like to show his feelings or to experience new things. These have been major issues for me over the years, but I still married him because I felt I loved him and that I enjoyed the little time we spent together.
When we started dating, he would mostly sit by his computer, and that hasn't really changed much. Over the years, he has initiated only a few things for us to do. He says that when he has spare time (meaning, whenever he's not working), he wants to do his own things because that makes him relax. He feels that doing things together as a couple is more of a chore than something genuinely enjoyable (with one exception: sex). Sometimes he wants to make dinner with me or watch a movie, but that's about it. So for instance today when I asked if we could do something fun this weekend, he said he wanted to focus on his own computer projects.
I understand his point of view and try to give him as much time for himself as possible. Also, I love spending nights at home, too, and sometimes we have really fun together. But I also want to go out and do things, enjoy life and have fun!
So, the truth is that I feel SO LONELY in our relationship. I don't have the energy to initiate 100 % of our "couple time". I want him to do his share, too. The last draw for me was my last birthday, when I didn't even get breakfast or a present from him. In the end, I booked a table for us at a restaurant on my own birthday because I wanted to celebrate it somehow.
By the way, I fully acknowledge that I am as responsible for our wellbeing as a couple than he is. For instance, I can be a very difficult person at times, and I have been working with my flaws to improve them.
I'm just really afraid that I will always be unhappy with him in way. I need to spend time with my husband and I need him to feel happy when doing things with me. That's why I've been thinking of getting a divorce. He has even said the same thing, he says he's not sure if he's happy with me anymore. However, even the thought of a divorce makes me absolutely shattered. I still love him so much. We've been together since we were 19 so I really can't picture a life without him. And then I'm of course thinking about things like "Will I ever meet someone again", "What if I won't have any kids"...etc. I really don't know what to do.
So, from an outsider's perspective, could you please tell your thoughts? Thank you!
The story: I'm under 30 and I've been married to my husband for five years, together for almost ten years. No kids. We've had a lot of problems over the years and nowadays we are constantly arguing and our sex life is non-existent.
The problem is that I've always felt that he's not that interested in me. We are also very different. I'm outgoing, emotional and intuitive, at times "all over the place", and I love living in the moment. My husband is a quiet, calm and rational person who doesn't like to show his feelings or to experience new things. These have been major issues for me over the years, but I still married him because I felt I loved him and that I enjoyed the little time we spent together.
When we started dating, he would mostly sit by his computer, and that hasn't really changed much. Over the years, he has initiated only a few things for us to do. He says that when he has spare time (meaning, whenever he's not working), he wants to do his own things because that makes him relax. He feels that doing things together as a couple is more of a chore than something genuinely enjoyable (with one exception: sex). Sometimes he wants to make dinner with me or watch a movie, but that's about it. So for instance today when I asked if we could do something fun this weekend, he said he wanted to focus on his own computer projects.
I understand his point of view and try to give him as much time for himself as possible. Also, I love spending nights at home, too, and sometimes we have really fun together. But I also want to go out and do things, enjoy life and have fun!
So, the truth is that I feel SO LONELY in our relationship. I don't have the energy to initiate 100 % of our "couple time". I want him to do his share, too. The last draw for me was my last birthday, when I didn't even get breakfast or a present from him. In the end, I booked a table for us at a restaurant on my own birthday because I wanted to celebrate it somehow.
By the way, I fully acknowledge that I am as responsible for our wellbeing as a couple than he is. For instance, I can be a very difficult person at times, and I have been working with my flaws to improve them.
I'm just really afraid that I will always be unhappy with him in way. I need to spend time with my husband and I need him to feel happy when doing things with me. That's why I've been thinking of getting a divorce. He has even said the same thing, he says he's not sure if he's happy with me anymore. However, even the thought of a divorce makes me absolutely shattered. I still love him so much. We've been together since we were 19 so I really can't picture a life without him. And then I'm of course thinking about things like "Will I ever meet someone again", "What if I won't have any kids"...etc. I really don't know what to do.
So, from an outsider's perspective, could you please tell your thoughts? Thank you!
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