Alright, Ill give this a try here. Ive been living together with my wife for about 16 years and have been married for 12. No time-served I know. We have a 13 and a 10 year old boys, both health and happy.
The other night her cousin, girlfriend, their boy, and us spend the night over at our home. We played karaoke and had a good time until about midnight when everyone went to bed. I awoke about 5:30am to notice my son was sleeping in my bed with me so I figured I'd look and see if my wife ended up sleeping on the couch. As I walked to the living room, the front door suddenly opened and my wife walked through the door with her coat on and everything. Once it hit me what happened I asked where she was all night and then there was a sinking feeling in the bottom of my stomach.
At this point I was sort of upset as she was basically telling me she isn't dealing with this right now. It went more like "blah blah blah, who cares" attitude towards me once she realized I knew she had been out somewhere. She went to the bathroom and fell asleep on our bathroom floor after she was done.
The next evening, well after she slept it off, I confronted her about where she was . We have been down this road before too where she takes off and gives me her version of what happened while she was gone. This time I had enough. I demanded to know where she was and what she was doing. Apparently she went to the local bar and sat by herself until closing. She basically said that it was pathetic how she sat there by herself all night and it was pointless doing it. Then I replied that you didn't get home until after 5am so where were you from closing until you got home? She replied that she must have passed out in our car in the driveway.
Alarm bells were ringing now. We got into a heavy discussion and she broke down in tears saying she thought there was something a matter with her and that she never wanted to drink again. It caught me off guard. Her guilt was so profound I could only hug her as I didn't like to have her feel this way. Things like "you mean so much to me" and "it was so stupid for doing that" came up. So I ask her what went on and who she talked too. She assured me she spoke to only females and there were only couples there but her story was short and vague as usual.
Well today was Sunday and we were going to go shopping. We got into the car she was out in that night and the radio was cranked on a dance station. We laughed initially but then I asked her if she danced at the bar. She told me she did but only with women. How did this go from sitting like a loser by herself to dancing with the girls? My heart just dropped and I asked her why she told me last night that nothing went on. Her reply was that I didn't ask! When we spoke the night before, I asked her directly to tell me everything that went on and this didn't come up. Strange I know but she went back to the "I knew you'd react this way" script and that my reaction was the problem.
My wife then went in her usual mode that I am throwing this in her face and I'm overreacting to everything as usual and that I have trust issues. This was followed the" I don't care what you think I did" attitude. At this point I realized the pattern of her doing this same thing since we got together. Then it predictably shifts to "the stuff that goes on in your head?" comments. Today it was different though as I needed answers where the blame wasn't centred on me. We were in the front seat of the car together and she just shut down closing her eyes and facing out the other window for the ride back home.
Now she wants our third separation and says that she shouldn't be putting me through this. By the time she came home, she flipped again and wants to come home and I can't stop her until we settle. We live in a small town too which has to help.
My question is does it sound like my wife is running the cheaters script on me? Every time she did this in the past I've never investigated what she told me and just trusted her. My gut feeling was telling me to look into things and it got worse once she gave her reaction. And she always tells me this is all in my head yet she is still taking off and I'm left to rationalize why she always does this.
On an unrelated manner, while having our coffee this morning she told me of a new job she was taking in the same government agency she works. Not really thinking about much I asked her if the job was in the same buildings and she replied no. Then I asked her where it was and she said "down there" while hesitating. I asked her curiously "down where?" based on her reaction. The pie hit the fan at this point and she went weirdly defensive saying how she has supposed to be training there this week but never told me where it was or that she knew the of the location. This is not like my wife at all as she has to know where she is going before she goes. And the fact that she mentioned that she spoke to a co-worker that told her of the position to apply for. I know my wife and that she would know without a doubt where the office the potential job was located. Stupid I know but her reaction puzzled me. Then she flipped completely and said she doesn't tell me things like this because of how weird I get. How did a stupid detail like this cause such an emotional reaction in my wife? If it were her asking me I would care less???
The other night her cousin, girlfriend, their boy, and us spend the night over at our home. We played karaoke and had a good time until about midnight when everyone went to bed. I awoke about 5:30am to notice my son was sleeping in my bed with me so I figured I'd look and see if my wife ended up sleeping on the couch. As I walked to the living room, the front door suddenly opened and my wife walked through the door with her coat on and everything. Once it hit me what happened I asked where she was all night and then there was a sinking feeling in the bottom of my stomach.
At this point I was sort of upset as she was basically telling me she isn't dealing with this right now. It went more like "blah blah blah, who cares" attitude towards me once she realized I knew she had been out somewhere. She went to the bathroom and fell asleep on our bathroom floor after she was done.
The next evening, well after she slept it off, I confronted her about where she was . We have been down this road before too where she takes off and gives me her version of what happened while she was gone. This time I had enough. I demanded to know where she was and what she was doing. Apparently she went to the local bar and sat by herself until closing. She basically said that it was pathetic how she sat there by herself all night and it was pointless doing it. Then I replied that you didn't get home until after 5am so where were you from closing until you got home? She replied that she must have passed out in our car in the driveway.
Alarm bells were ringing now. We got into a heavy discussion and she broke down in tears saying she thought there was something a matter with her and that she never wanted to drink again. It caught me off guard. Her guilt was so profound I could only hug her as I didn't like to have her feel this way. Things like "you mean so much to me" and "it was so stupid for doing that" came up. So I ask her what went on and who she talked too. She assured me she spoke to only females and there were only couples there but her story was short and vague as usual.
Well today was Sunday and we were going to go shopping. We got into the car she was out in that night and the radio was cranked on a dance station. We laughed initially but then I asked her if she danced at the bar. She told me she did but only with women. How did this go from sitting like a loser by herself to dancing with the girls? My heart just dropped and I asked her why she told me last night that nothing went on. Her reply was that I didn't ask! When we spoke the night before, I asked her directly to tell me everything that went on and this didn't come up. Strange I know but she went back to the "I knew you'd react this way" script and that my reaction was the problem.
My wife then went in her usual mode that I am throwing this in her face and I'm overreacting to everything as usual and that I have trust issues. This was followed the" I don't care what you think I did" attitude. At this point I realized the pattern of her doing this same thing since we got together. Then it predictably shifts to "the stuff that goes on in your head?" comments. Today it was different though as I needed answers where the blame wasn't centred on me. We were in the front seat of the car together and she just shut down closing her eyes and facing out the other window for the ride back home.
Now she wants our third separation and says that she shouldn't be putting me through this. By the time she came home, she flipped again and wants to come home and I can't stop her until we settle. We live in a small town too which has to help.
My question is does it sound like my wife is running the cheaters script on me? Every time she did this in the past I've never investigated what she told me and just trusted her. My gut feeling was telling me to look into things and it got worse once she gave her reaction. And she always tells me this is all in my head yet she is still taking off and I'm left to rationalize why she always does this.
On an unrelated manner, while having our coffee this morning she told me of a new job she was taking in the same government agency she works. Not really thinking about much I asked her if the job was in the same buildings and she replied no. Then I asked her where it was and she said "down there" while hesitating. I asked her curiously "down where?" based on her reaction. The pie hit the fan at this point and she went weirdly defensive saying how she has supposed to be training there this week but never told me where it was or that she knew the of the location. This is not like my wife at all as she has to know where she is going before she goes. And the fact that she mentioned that she spoke to a co-worker that told her of the position to apply for. I know my wife and that she would know without a doubt where the office the potential job was located. Stupid I know but her reaction puzzled me. Then she flipped completely and said she doesn't tell me things like this because of how weird I get. How did a stupid detail like this cause such an emotional reaction in my wife? If it were her asking me I would care less???
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