my wife and I separated (her decision) just after new year…I've been on here previously regarding my relationship with my wife, and the problems we've had...anyway, that came to head and I was asked to leave just after new year...so I've been trying to reconcile, we have 3 young kids, and despite our problems, I love my wife. However she's been reluctant to engage in any sort of discussions about getting back together, refusing marriage counselling. Anyway, I know she's been messaging a guy she used to work with years back, who she coincidentally met again on New Years Eve while I was at home looking after the children...she said they were just friends, and I believed her...
I've since found out that while I had 2 of my 3 kids over to stay at my sisters (I'm currently living back with my parents, but there's no room for me to have the kids) she had this other bloke round to my house (which I still pay the mortgage for, in full, along with utilities, etc), and lied about it, I only found out when I found a load of beer bottles in the recycling bin and confronted her about it. She basically said I was being paranoid, and they were just friends.
This has been going on for about 2 months now, with me wondering where she is going, and who she is going with whenever I go round to see the kids and she goes out. Most of the time, I can corroborate where she is going, but when I'm not there, is he coming round? I don't know.
Last night, she was ordering stuff on Amazon via her phone, and it needed me to sign in...as I was doing that, a message popped up from this other bloke, stupidly, I read it, and others that they'd sent to each other, and it was basically, in a shortened version, about how he loved her naked body, and her replying about him having it any time he wanted, and other stuff that made me feel physically sick to read...I confronted her about it, again, and she said it was just "flirting". I've been out of the dating game for a while now, but that, to me, doesn't seem like flirting, that seems like an affair...she still swears blind that she hasn't even kissed him, but I find this increasingly hard to believe...especially after reading what I read last night...
It's starting to consume my every waking thought...the thought of someone else being intimate with the woman I still love tears me apart, even the thought of her texting some of the things she wrote makes me feel ill...I just dont see how I can ever get away from it...I'm still there most evenings to see the kids, and I have them weekends while she works, so I feel as though I can't escape this, no matter how much I want to...
Part of me wants to get out there, and start picking up women to get revenge, but I'm not in the right place in my head for that, and I still have too much respect for myself, and strangely her, to even contemplate seeing someone else while I'm still married, even though she clearly has no such respect for me...
I'm currently stuck in a cycle of self loathing and have completely lost my confidence and self esteem, and I just can't see a way out of it...Is there a way out of feeling like this?
I've since found out that while I had 2 of my 3 kids over to stay at my sisters (I'm currently living back with my parents, but there's no room for me to have the kids) she had this other bloke round to my house (which I still pay the mortgage for, in full, along with utilities, etc), and lied about it, I only found out when I found a load of beer bottles in the recycling bin and confronted her about it. She basically said I was being paranoid, and they were just friends.
This has been going on for about 2 months now, with me wondering where she is going, and who she is going with whenever I go round to see the kids and she goes out. Most of the time, I can corroborate where she is going, but when I'm not there, is he coming round? I don't know.
Last night, she was ordering stuff on Amazon via her phone, and it needed me to sign in...as I was doing that, a message popped up from this other bloke, stupidly, I read it, and others that they'd sent to each other, and it was basically, in a shortened version, about how he loved her naked body, and her replying about him having it any time he wanted, and other stuff that made me feel physically sick to read...I confronted her about it, again, and she said it was just "flirting". I've been out of the dating game for a while now, but that, to me, doesn't seem like flirting, that seems like an affair...she still swears blind that she hasn't even kissed him, but I find this increasingly hard to believe...especially after reading what I read last night...
It's starting to consume my every waking thought...the thought of someone else being intimate with the woman I still love tears me apart, even the thought of her texting some of the things she wrote makes me feel ill...I just dont see how I can ever get away from it...I'm still there most evenings to see the kids, and I have them weekends while she works, so I feel as though I can't escape this, no matter how much I want to...
Part of me wants to get out there, and start picking up women to get revenge, but I'm not in the right place in my head for that, and I still have too much respect for myself, and strangely her, to even contemplate seeing someone else while I'm still married, even though she clearly has no such respect for me...
I'm currently stuck in a cycle of self loathing and have completely lost my confidence and self esteem, and I just can't see a way out of it...Is there a way out of feeling like this?
Put the internet to work for you.
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