Background: Oct 2013, Wife says things are not good and we need to go to marriage counseling. This was out of the blue and I was not aware how bad things were. I told her I thought marriage counseling was a last resort (our only issue is we had grown apart over the last couple of years and our communication suffered). So things went okay until mid Jan. I found a phone number that was not recognized from a different state. So I started monitoring all communications (I have all password and put trackers on her phone). Come to find out it was a guy but he would only call her and very in-frequent. Like 5 times in a few months is all. So she get's caught and says she wants out. Then all of the bashing between her and her friends set in (she still didn't know I could read everything). She never had a nice thing to say, nor did her friends. Long story short we reconciled. At this time I said we should go to counseling now that I was aware of the issues in our ma rriage and she refused. She found out about the tracking and I told her I took it off, but never did. Nothing out of the ordinary until August when her friend was saying now get your roommate (referring to me) out of the house. Fast forward to Dec and somehow (she is not tech saavy AT ALL) she figured out the tracker and took it off her phone. Didn't say a word about it. Gut feeling right before Christmas that something was not right Asked her what's up and she brought up that I had been tracking her. Got through it (from what I thought) and I never put the tracker back on (I have never found anything in the last year that would dictate an affair). I could still track her phone with Android GPS, Phone call/text records, etc. So a few weeks ago was D-day. On my way to work and get a text saying she is not OK. Called her and it was a fight. She left the call saying she was done. We talked about divorce a little, both being the in heat of the moment for a week or so. We have 5 kids (2 together). For the last couple of weeks I have been doing 180, rollercoaster emotions, etc.
Basically her heart has been hardened over the last couple years and she fits walk away wife syndrome perfectly! I don't want to lost this but not sure what I can do now. I have admitted and can fully understand where I went bad in the marriage (not helping around the house enough, with kids, dishes, supporting her, etc). I started IC a couple weeks back because I have a desire to change my life. I have not been the same (lost interest in things, depression, etc) the last couple of years.
She is to the point that she says there is no hope. She says she has given me plenty of chances and just wants to love herself. She want's to be happy. She want's a better environment for the kids. She does not have any faith or trust that I can changed because I never have before. Even now she refuses MC. We are still in the same house and same bed (no extra rooms or anywhere else to sleep, except couch). We sleep on opposite ends of a huge bed and she has taken all physical contact away. Not even a hug, etc. She says she doesn't know if she could ever be intimate with me again (sex, emotional, etc). She basically snapped on D-day and I can't get anything from her. If I don't talk (which I don't much because of 180 and already have said everything I need to say) she won't talk at all either. Only about kids.
I have read a lot about hardened hearts and WAW. Fit's our situation exactly to the tee. I can't rule out EA or PA but unless she got really good at hiding it (which I suppose she could have) I have no proof.
Any advice to save this?
Basically her heart has been hardened over the last couple years and she fits walk away wife syndrome perfectly! I don't want to lost this but not sure what I can do now. I have admitted and can fully understand where I went bad in the marriage (not helping around the house enough, with kids, dishes, supporting her, etc). I started IC a couple weeks back because I have a desire to change my life. I have not been the same (lost interest in things, depression, etc) the last couple of years.
She is to the point that she says there is no hope. She says she has given me plenty of chances and just wants to love herself. She want's to be happy. She want's a better environment for the kids. She does not have any faith or trust that I can changed because I never have before. Even now she refuses MC. We are still in the same house and same bed (no extra rooms or anywhere else to sleep, except couch). We sleep on opposite ends of a huge bed and she has taken all physical contact away. Not even a hug, etc. She says she doesn't know if she could ever be intimate with me again (sex, emotional, etc). She basically snapped on D-day and I can't get anything from her. If I don't talk (which I don't much because of 180 and already have said everything I need to say) she won't talk at all either. Only about kids.
I have read a lot about hardened hearts and WAW. Fit's our situation exactly to the tee. I can't rule out EA or PA but unless she got really good at hiding it (which I suppose she could have) I have no proof.
Any advice to save this?
Put the internet to work for you.
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