My wife and I started having troubles a couple of years ago. To summarize during that time we have separated twice, once for just over a month and then again for about 9 months. I ask her to move in with me in September, as she was planning to rent a place closer to work, and I had extra space. She accepted quite quickly and we have lived together with our kids ever since. We have relocated a couple of times since then but during the moves it was never discussed of separating to different locations.
Yet I am very confused by the whole scenario.
During our time together we really haven't had any fights, but we have not been intimate in nearly two years. We sleep in different rooms, and really do not do anything together. We have dinner together, and occasionally go on a family event or activity, but otherwise are not together. Roughly once a month she likes to go out and socialize with friends, usually returning the next day. (I posted a separate post about this, as I disapprove with aspects of that, and as many of the posters pointed out there are some unusual behaviors with this action.) She always seeks my approval for things, running ideas and activities by me that she wants to or will be doing. In many ways she treats me like her husband.
While we were separated the second time she decided to divorce me, partially because she was angry at me for how I had acted regarding one of her friends. (I wanted to visit and she declined my request because she was going shopping. I drove past her house and found that she was home, but had one of her friends over, male. She had gone shopping earlier. It was harmless but I was angry at her dismissing me for him. This occurred in Feb 2014.) She discussed the various terms with me over the phone, all of which I agreed to as they were very kind, nothing vindictive or greedy. We were supposed to meet at the courthouse on a certain day to file but when the day we were supposed to meet came and went, and the divorce was never filed. She called me that day to discuss another project she was working on, but never said a word about the divorce She never mentioned it again! I found the papers in our storage unit by accident while looking for another item, she had everything filled out and ready, but never followed through.
Why?
My sister-in-law said she couldn't afford it, but that's not true, she makes plenty of money, more than I do. I've speculated again and again on what reasons she might have, but I simply don't know.
In the past, mostly shortly after our second separation, I tried to do things to show affection towards her. I would bring her flowers, compliment her, tell her I loved her, etc. During the fight in Feb 2014 mentioned above, she told me she was tired of my "pathetic attempts to change things".
On Valentines Day this year she decided that we would spend it with the kids, separately. Our 2 year old son was her date, and our 9 year old daughter mine. On the day of I brought her a tin of her favorite cookies, a balloon, and a rose, had my son deliver it to her. She informed me that it was "sweet" and went on with her day. As we were all leaving for our "dates", she informed me that she was going to bring her friend (the same one from above) with them on their date.
Yesterday was our third wedding anniversary. Neither of us even acknowledged the day. Nor did we the second anniversary. Maybe I should have made a small effort, but I already know she would have been put-off by it.
I love living in the same house with my kids, but I feel really sad and alone in all of this. If she didn't want me why didn't she just let me go? I just can't make sense of it all. We tried MC before during our first separation, but it didn't last long as she felt I didn't take it serious, but I felt it was a wasted expense as the counselor didn't seem to work with any real issues. She won't do it again, I tried to get her to last year, because of how I felt about the MC the last time.
Thoughts?
Yet I am very confused by the whole scenario.
During our time together we really haven't had any fights, but we have not been intimate in nearly two years. We sleep in different rooms, and really do not do anything together. We have dinner together, and occasionally go on a family event or activity, but otherwise are not together. Roughly once a month she likes to go out and socialize with friends, usually returning the next day. (I posted a separate post about this, as I disapprove with aspects of that, and as many of the posters pointed out there are some unusual behaviors with this action.) She always seeks my approval for things, running ideas and activities by me that she wants to or will be doing. In many ways she treats me like her husband.
While we were separated the second time she decided to divorce me, partially because she was angry at me for how I had acted regarding one of her friends. (I wanted to visit and she declined my request because she was going shopping. I drove past her house and found that she was home, but had one of her friends over, male. She had gone shopping earlier. It was harmless but I was angry at her dismissing me for him. This occurred in Feb 2014.) She discussed the various terms with me over the phone, all of which I agreed to as they were very kind, nothing vindictive or greedy. We were supposed to meet at the courthouse on a certain day to file but when the day we were supposed to meet came and went, and the divorce was never filed. She called me that day to discuss another project she was working on, but never said a word about the divorce She never mentioned it again! I found the papers in our storage unit by accident while looking for another item, she had everything filled out and ready, but never followed through.
Why?
My sister-in-law said she couldn't afford it, but that's not true, she makes plenty of money, more than I do. I've speculated again and again on what reasons she might have, but I simply don't know.
In the past, mostly shortly after our second separation, I tried to do things to show affection towards her. I would bring her flowers, compliment her, tell her I loved her, etc. During the fight in Feb 2014 mentioned above, she told me she was tired of my "pathetic attempts to change things".
On Valentines Day this year she decided that we would spend it with the kids, separately. Our 2 year old son was her date, and our 9 year old daughter mine. On the day of I brought her a tin of her favorite cookies, a balloon, and a rose, had my son deliver it to her. She informed me that it was "sweet" and went on with her day. As we were all leaving for our "dates", she informed me that she was going to bring her friend (the same one from above) with them on their date.
Yesterday was our third wedding anniversary. Neither of us even acknowledged the day. Nor did we the second anniversary. Maybe I should have made a small effort, but I already know she would have been put-off by it.
I love living in the same house with my kids, but I feel really sad and alone in all of this. If she didn't want me why didn't she just let me go? I just can't make sense of it all. We tried MC before during our first separation, but it didn't last long as she felt I didn't take it serious, but I felt it was a wasted expense as the counselor didn't seem to work with any real issues. She won't do it again, I tried to get her to last year, because of how I felt about the MC the last time.
Thoughts?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment