Wife of 20 years, 3 grown kids, great marriage, suddenly texting male coworker 24/7 about 4 months ago. Joking, talking about work, mutual interests in engineering field, etc. Invited him and his wife & family over for dinner a couple times. A month ago, noticed texts were being deleted, so began monitoring closer. He was completely out of bounds, complimenting her body parts, asking for pics, how much she meant to him as a friend, signing off love you, etc. Met for lunch in public places several times. (sometimes telling me up front, sometimes not). She was basically neutral about compliments, wasn't reciprocating, basically ignoring the crude parts, but continuing the conversation. I really think she just wanted him to be a friend, (she has always had many male friends through work who weren't threats), but he was pressing hard. She has also had a lot of work related decisions to make that she was interested in his opinion on. He had asked about kis sing, but she had turned him down.
Decided to confront, and lay it out on the line, that I had read some of the texts, that he wasn't interested in being a "friend", and asking for a decision if she wanted out of the marriage. Let her know I could expose to his family and he would be in a world of hurt. Was remorseful, has no interest physically in him, said it was inappropriate, she enjoyed the flattery, but nothing was ever going to progress. I semi-believe that. I keep pretty close tabs on her whereabouts and am pretty confident nothing physical happened. She has plenty of time after work before I get off to do something, but I know for a fact she hasn't been meeting him anywhere. Said she talked to him, and let him know it was inappropriate, that it had upset me, and was cutting off contact. But they have to be around each other at work (in a semi-public, group setting)
After confrontation, all texts stopped, but they continue to work together. Problem is that there is basically no chance either of them can work elsewhere in this town. And we need the income from her job.
1 month later, Thought everything was under control, but now it seems he has gotten a disposable phone (not 100% sure it's him, but my gut and the tone make me pretty sure) and began sending hey just thinking about you texts, hope you're having a good day etc. Signing off with female name and lu (i assume love you) friend, and she responded and made the contact for that number a female name.This just started.
Haven't confronted the guy, I basically believe my wife, and she will be furious if I expose to his family. I also basically trusted my wife to do the right thing now that it was exposed. I'm not naive, have read a lot on this forum and recognize the signs, but see nothing past her allowing him to do a little light pawing by text.
This renewed communication ploy has put me over the edge. Can't decide to talk man to man with him, or just continue to monitor for awhile. but doubt anything of substance would be said now that they think I might see. So I might never get proof in any way I can figure out since it's a disposable phone.
I realize she has betrayed me, and tried to cover it up, but I can't decide on how to progress from here, because I really don't think she's interested in him sexually, but likes the flattery and "friendship" she thinks they have, and is just naive enough to let it go on because they're just "friends" in her mind, even though she admitted he got out of bounds. And she may think she can "handle" it, and keep it in bounds, even though she knows he's after her.
Call me stupid, I'm prepared, I know there's tons of situations like this that were just the beginning of an affair, but I know her pretty well, and my gut also tells me she's just hanging around an a*(hole that is smooth talking and interesting enough to make her want to continue the "friendship". Plus I'm worried if I go ballistic on it, she's going to think less of me, that I'm snooping, overly jealous, and lacking in confidence and trust.
Decided to confront, and lay it out on the line, that I had read some of the texts, that he wasn't interested in being a "friend", and asking for a decision if she wanted out of the marriage. Let her know I could expose to his family and he would be in a world of hurt. Was remorseful, has no interest physically in him, said it was inappropriate, she enjoyed the flattery, but nothing was ever going to progress. I semi-believe that. I keep pretty close tabs on her whereabouts and am pretty confident nothing physical happened. She has plenty of time after work before I get off to do something, but I know for a fact she hasn't been meeting him anywhere. Said she talked to him, and let him know it was inappropriate, that it had upset me, and was cutting off contact. But they have to be around each other at work (in a semi-public, group setting)
After confrontation, all texts stopped, but they continue to work together. Problem is that there is basically no chance either of them can work elsewhere in this town. And we need the income from her job.
1 month later, Thought everything was under control, but now it seems he has gotten a disposable phone (not 100% sure it's him, but my gut and the tone make me pretty sure) and began sending hey just thinking about you texts, hope you're having a good day etc. Signing off with female name and lu (i assume love you) friend, and she responded and made the contact for that number a female name.This just started.
Haven't confronted the guy, I basically believe my wife, and she will be furious if I expose to his family. I also basically trusted my wife to do the right thing now that it was exposed. I'm not naive, have read a lot on this forum and recognize the signs, but see nothing past her allowing him to do a little light pawing by text.
This renewed communication ploy has put me over the edge. Can't decide to talk man to man with him, or just continue to monitor for awhile. but doubt anything of substance would be said now that they think I might see. So I might never get proof in any way I can figure out since it's a disposable phone.
I realize she has betrayed me, and tried to cover it up, but I can't decide on how to progress from here, because I really don't think she's interested in him sexually, but likes the flattery and "friendship" she thinks they have, and is just naive enough to let it go on because they're just "friends" in her mind, even though she admitted he got out of bounds. And she may think she can "handle" it, and keep it in bounds, even though she knows he's after her.
Call me stupid, I'm prepared, I know there's tons of situations like this that were just the beginning of an affair, but I know her pretty well, and my gut also tells me she's just hanging around an a*(hole that is smooth talking and interesting enough to make her want to continue the "friendship". Plus I'm worried if I go ballistic on it, she's going to think less of me, that I'm snooping, overly jealous, and lacking in confidence and trust.
Put the internet to work for you.
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