Hi,
I posted a few months ago about my partner's swearing at me during arguments- thanks to the suggestions here that seems to have been resolved. Now a new issue has come to light which leaves me feeling desperate and hopeless so I thought I would ask some of you lovely people if you could help again.
It feels like we can't communicate. He is over defensive and over sensitive to any perceived criticism which makes him think I am "blaming" him for relationship problems, which isn't what I'm trying to do at all. Nothing seems to help. I use "I feel" statements instead of "you are" or say "we need to work on x" rather than "you need to work on x" but it still leads to him feeling attacked and so we argue about that rather than discuss the issue at hand. It's getting me really down because I feel like I'm always going to be unhappy with certain things because he won't listen and help resolve them. I feel trapped and desperate for this to change.
For example, I want more family time with him and our child. I very calmly approached him about this, sat him down and said "I want us to spend more time together. I feel unloved and unhappy by the amount of couple time we get. I think we have different expectations on how much time a couple needs together to be happy. You always invite friends round or visit your parents."
His response was "I'm happy so if your unhappy it's your issue. You are blaming me for all of our problems. I feel the same way anyway, like it's you who doesn't want couple time."
I tried to talk about compromise and about needing to spend a few nights a week with him and our child.
He answered that he knows a couple who are happy who only spend one night a week together. (Missing the point that this isn't what I need.) He eventually agreed to spend every other night with me, with a big sigh and complaining because he likes to be more spontaneous than that.
The problem just went round and round. Tomorrow it will be rug swept because that's what we do best. I can't take it anymore. I need to be with someone who values good communication. I need to be with someone who wants to spend time with me. Whenever I tell him this though he refuses to talk to me because I am apparently "attacking him" and he tells me to go away. I feel stuck and lost. I need to make this work. How can I?
I posted a few months ago about my partner's swearing at me during arguments- thanks to the suggestions here that seems to have been resolved. Now a new issue has come to light which leaves me feeling desperate and hopeless so I thought I would ask some of you lovely people if you could help again.
It feels like we can't communicate. He is over defensive and over sensitive to any perceived criticism which makes him think I am "blaming" him for relationship problems, which isn't what I'm trying to do at all. Nothing seems to help. I use "I feel" statements instead of "you are" or say "we need to work on x" rather than "you need to work on x" but it still leads to him feeling attacked and so we argue about that rather than discuss the issue at hand. It's getting me really down because I feel like I'm always going to be unhappy with certain things because he won't listen and help resolve them. I feel trapped and desperate for this to change.
For example, I want more family time with him and our child. I very calmly approached him about this, sat him down and said "I want us to spend more time together. I feel unloved and unhappy by the amount of couple time we get. I think we have different expectations on how much time a couple needs together to be happy. You always invite friends round or visit your parents."
His response was "I'm happy so if your unhappy it's your issue. You are blaming me for all of our problems. I feel the same way anyway, like it's you who doesn't want couple time."
I tried to talk about compromise and about needing to spend a few nights a week with him and our child.
He answered that he knows a couple who are happy who only spend one night a week together. (Missing the point that this isn't what I need.) He eventually agreed to spend every other night with me, with a big sigh and complaining because he likes to be more spontaneous than that.
The problem just went round and round. Tomorrow it will be rug swept because that's what we do best. I can't take it anymore. I need to be with someone who values good communication. I need to be with someone who wants to spend time with me. Whenever I tell him this though he refuses to talk to me because I am apparently "attacking him" and he tells me to go away. I feel stuck and lost. I need to make this work. How can I?
Put the internet to work for you.
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