Please help. My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. We're both 28 and get along pretty well most of the time. I would describe him as an affectionate person. He gives me plenty of kisses and hugs and he doesn't complain when I want to cuddle on the couch. The problem is that we hardly ever have sex anymore and if we do, I'm almost always the one to initiate it. In his defense, he's never actually rejected me. But there are plenty of times that I make it very apparent by flirting, kissing, rubbing, etc. that I am in the mood, and he usually doesn't meet me half way. I have to practically take his pants off to get anywhere.
I know my husband had his fair share of "hook ups" before we started dating, so clearly he liked sex once upon a time. When we did start dating, we had sex frequently and in different positions and places. I know that it's normal for things to mellow out a little after marriage, but now it's very "vanilla" and almost utilitarian. There's no foreplay, making out, not even a lot of kissing. His tools seem to function just fine and he has no trouble at all finishing the deed. I asked him to go to the doctor and get his testosterone checked (he did so without complaint) and it came back fine, so I can't even attribute this to health.
I have asked him countless times why he doesn't enjoy sex and his responses are always the same: "I never said I don't enjoy sex. I do." When I disagree with him, he tells me that I shouldn't tell him how he feels. "Maybe you just have a bigger sex drive than me" is another common response. The other day we got into a fight about it (among other things) and he said "I'm sorry that I don't want to have sex every day! I just don't", which made me feel like he was shifting the blame to me. I'm no nympho by any means, folks. There are plenty of times that I'm not in the mood myself but I do enjoy sex at the appropriate time and I think it's very important for a marriage. I've even tried bringing some porn into the bedroom, because I know he likes it, but he doesn't seem nearly as interested in it if I'm there. I would like most men would like a free pass to watch porn ??
I try to be open-minded. I've asked him if there's something in particular he wants me to do, if I need to change anything, if he finds me attractive. The discussion always ends the same and he assures me that he's satisfied with everything and is attracted to me. I am completely out of ideas here. Maybe I'm just creating a problem where there isn't one, but given our young age and good health, I just don't find this normal. I consider myself a fairly attractive girl with a decent figure. I can't figure out why my husband doesn't seem particularly interested in it. I don't feel that all of my needs are being met and I find myself at times day dreaming about sex with other men because I don't feel like my husband wants me.
Is it possible that I make myself too sexually available to him?
I'll also say that I don't have any suspicions of him cheating on me. It's also worth mentioning that my husband has a very strong interest in video games, which I could rant about on a different thread for pages and pages. Basically, if he's home alone of if I'm doing homework, he's playing his play station. He's good to turn it off when I'm ready for some "us" time, but if he's not playing it, then he's often chatting about it on this silly facebook group he's in. He's always enjoyed video games but it has definitely increased over the last year or two. I don't know that this gaming obsession has anything to do with our sex life, but I thought I would throw that out there since it's the other leading cause of contention in our marriage.
I welcome and appreciate any thoughts.
I know my husband had his fair share of "hook ups" before we started dating, so clearly he liked sex once upon a time. When we did start dating, we had sex frequently and in different positions and places. I know that it's normal for things to mellow out a little after marriage, but now it's very "vanilla" and almost utilitarian. There's no foreplay, making out, not even a lot of kissing. His tools seem to function just fine and he has no trouble at all finishing the deed. I asked him to go to the doctor and get his testosterone checked (he did so without complaint) and it came back fine, so I can't even attribute this to health.
I have asked him countless times why he doesn't enjoy sex and his responses are always the same: "I never said I don't enjoy sex. I do." When I disagree with him, he tells me that I shouldn't tell him how he feels. "Maybe you just have a bigger sex drive than me" is another common response. The other day we got into a fight about it (among other things) and he said "I'm sorry that I don't want to have sex every day! I just don't", which made me feel like he was shifting the blame to me. I'm no nympho by any means, folks. There are plenty of times that I'm not in the mood myself but I do enjoy sex at the appropriate time and I think it's very important for a marriage. I've even tried bringing some porn into the bedroom, because I know he likes it, but he doesn't seem nearly as interested in it if I'm there. I would like most men would like a free pass to watch porn ??
I try to be open-minded. I've asked him if there's something in particular he wants me to do, if I need to change anything, if he finds me attractive. The discussion always ends the same and he assures me that he's satisfied with everything and is attracted to me. I am completely out of ideas here. Maybe I'm just creating a problem where there isn't one, but given our young age and good health, I just don't find this normal. I consider myself a fairly attractive girl with a decent figure. I can't figure out why my husband doesn't seem particularly interested in it. I don't feel that all of my needs are being met and I find myself at times day dreaming about sex with other men because I don't feel like my husband wants me.
Is it possible that I make myself too sexually available to him?
I'll also say that I don't have any suspicions of him cheating on me. It's also worth mentioning that my husband has a very strong interest in video games, which I could rant about on a different thread for pages and pages. Basically, if he's home alone of if I'm doing homework, he's playing his play station. He's good to turn it off when I'm ready for some "us" time, but if he's not playing it, then he's often chatting about it on this silly facebook group he's in. He's always enjoyed video games but it has definitely increased over the last year or two. I don't know that this gaming obsession has anything to do with our sex life, but I thought I would throw that out there since it's the other leading cause of contention in our marriage.
I welcome and appreciate any thoughts.
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