It's a long read but I hope somebody reads it and understands me. :o
At school, I remember I was always interested in the work and learning. I tried very hard with all work I did and not meaning to be arrogant, but I got good marks and was considered one of the best. The teachers at school always predicted great things for me in the future. I got straight A*s in my GCSE mocks and straight A*s (bar one A) in my actual GCSEs. At AS Level I also did well. Even though I slipped back a bit at A2 Level because of some personal issues at home and school, I still managed A's in all my A Levels (this was when A*s weren't available).
More to the point, I was interested in work and learning. In years 9, 10 and 11, I would read a lot from the school textbooks in my spare time and from books in our house. I remember reading the whole of the GCSE history textbook in my spare time (about 500 pages long). I read lots of science books. I would sit in the garden for a few hours after school reading books.
Since coming to university, my interest in work and learning has pretty much fully disappeared. I hate reading, I hate studying, I've got bad marks in many of my assignments and exams (2:2s, 3rds, some fails), I'm on track for a 2:2 barring a big turnaround. I have no idea what's changed within me. I stopped giving a damn about studying very soon after coming to university.
One theory for why I stopped caring was because when I came to university, I was immediately around all these very intelligent, sociable, charismatic, rich, good looking people with so much more life experience. It completely destroyed my confidence, made me depressed and stop caring.
Anothe theory for why I stopped caring was because I had no direction. Even if I did leave university with a 1st, then what? I've never properly known what job I want to do and even with a 1st, who's to say I won't be unemployed for ages after I graduate in this current jobs market?
I'm thankful for any advice or answers for why I am like this. :o
At school, I remember I was always interested in the work and learning. I tried very hard with all work I did and not meaning to be arrogant, but I got good marks and was considered one of the best. The teachers at school always predicted great things for me in the future. I got straight A*s in my GCSE mocks and straight A*s (bar one A) in my actual GCSEs. At AS Level I also did well. Even though I slipped back a bit at A2 Level because of some personal issues at home and school, I still managed A's in all my A Levels (this was when A*s weren't available).
More to the point, I was interested in work and learning. In years 9, 10 and 11, I would read a lot from the school textbooks in my spare time and from books in our house. I remember reading the whole of the GCSE history textbook in my spare time (about 500 pages long). I read lots of science books. I would sit in the garden for a few hours after school reading books.
Since coming to university, my interest in work and learning has pretty much fully disappeared. I hate reading, I hate studying, I've got bad marks in many of my assignments and exams (2:2s, 3rds, some fails), I'm on track for a 2:2 barring a big turnaround. I have no idea what's changed within me. I stopped giving a damn about studying very soon after coming to university.
One theory for why I stopped caring was because when I came to university, I was immediately around all these very intelligent, sociable, charismatic, rich, good looking people with so much more life experience. It completely destroyed my confidence, made me depressed and stop caring.
Anothe theory for why I stopped caring was because I had no direction. Even if I did leave university with a 1st, then what? I've never properly known what job I want to do and even with a 1st, who's to say I won't be unemployed for ages after I graduate in this current jobs market?
I'm thankful for any advice or answers for why I am like this. :o
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