I posted about my wife's cheating on another thread but I wanted to talk about the emotional affair aspect specifically because my wife has always maintained that she never had any kind of emotional affair, only that she can be too flirty and that she said things that were "inappropriate" to this guy.
Back story: wife meets this married man at a work conference one month after her and I got engaged. (So 6 years ago) Other Man (OM) hits on my wife a few times fairly innocently during the day. They get drunk at the hotel bar that night. At 1am wife goes back to her room and as I'm talking to my wife on her cell from her hotel room, OM calls my wife's room and asks her to come back to his room to "work out." Wife says no thanks. I was upset my wife got drunk with this guy in the first place but she promised she wouldn't talk to him any more.
She lies initially about talking to him and I find out they do email but wife says it's just about work and music, sports, nothing inappropriate. I HATED it and didn't trust it but I had to believe her. A little over a year ago I had enough of the suspicions and break into her email. I also found out that at a different conference a year later he tried to kiss my wife when they were alone in her hotel room watching TV on her bed and had been drinking again.
These are the types of emails I found:
When wife and I were at a friends wedding in 2011, wife wrote to OM from bathroom: "I know I shouldn't say this, but I really wish you were here. You're so great. I hope you know that. Take care, you." And sent a photo of herself.
When wife and I were in Las Vegas, wife sent photo of herself and wrote to OM: "The Cirque du Soleil show was amazing. I cried. I cried because you'd love it and I wanted you there. You'd really love it. I wish you were here : ("
Another night in 2011: Wife write to OM: "I'm thinking about the first time we met... saying good-bye in the elevator and me getting out on the wrong floor. I had no idea you noticed. I like that you noticed. OM to wife: "I forgot about your missed floor. That was pretty cute, actually." Wife to OM: "Cute, huh? I'm surprised. But then again I'm surprised you ever wanted to talk to me in the first place" OM to Wife: "It's pretty funny how quickly we gravitated toward each other. Can't believe that was four years ago." Wife to OM: "It was, wasn't it? I don't think I'd ever experienced that before... and haven't since. hmmm.... not sure I should say anymore..." OM to Wife: Sweet Dreams, (wife's name) : )
In Sept. 2010, Wife to OM: "After the 'wish you were here email,' I couldn't get the thought out of my head. Either that or I wish I was there. I seem to think it more and more. Which leads me to a state I can only refer to as... Awkward Bewilderment. So.. yeah... I am now feeling what I imagine you felt during our awkward phone conversation. Since I'm typing it, I thought it'd be less awkward... but it isn't."
Wife to OM in 2012: "there are also things I want to say and share with you that I know for many reasons, I can't. Timing really isn't our thing is it?"
Wife to OM: "When you were in Europe saying 'wish you were here,' I must confess I was happy at first, than terribly sad. There you were having these once-in-a-lifetime experiences and they weren't what you'd hoped. It seemed unfair to me. You deserved to enjoy every second. As much as I wanted to be traipsing around beautiful countryside, I also thought we'd have just as good a time together if it was raining and we had no power, or if we were stuck in an airport with a delayed flight. That's the thing about you that I can't seem to shake - no matter when I am, I think it'd be nice to have you there and no matter where you are, I think about how I could make sure you were not just OK, but happy and content."
Finally, Feb. 2013, day after valentines day: They had a conversation about a guy hitting on my wife. OM to Wife "I guess you can count me in the fraternity of dumb guys who hit on you. You're welcome :)" Wife to OM: "Oh Mr. (last name)... I said wrong, not dumb... but you are.... the singular exception to well.... everything.... for you I have wished and will forever wish for a time machine... now why can I be emotionally vulnerable and brutally honest with you but not that lame guy"
He sent her maybe 5 photos of himself. She sent about 35 of herself over the 5 years. Nothing sexual about the photos, they were clothed and smiling.
Keep in mind during all this time she is demanding that her and I make a baby.
OM has since divorced, but while divorcing got his exwife pregnant. OM now has another gf. Funny thing was, OM rarely responded to these types of messages from my wife. There wasn't much of it said on his part. (Could have been that since his ex got pregnant, he changed) My wife just threw them out there. But he didn't really acknowledge them. And when I confronted her about all of this she denied it then and still denies this was ever an emotional affair. Her reaction was to rage against me and said that my accusations were preposterous.
I look forward to your thoughts. Thank you.
Back story: wife meets this married man at a work conference one month after her and I got engaged. (So 6 years ago) Other Man (OM) hits on my wife a few times fairly innocently during the day. They get drunk at the hotel bar that night. At 1am wife goes back to her room and as I'm talking to my wife on her cell from her hotel room, OM calls my wife's room and asks her to come back to his room to "work out." Wife says no thanks. I was upset my wife got drunk with this guy in the first place but she promised she wouldn't talk to him any more.
She lies initially about talking to him and I find out they do email but wife says it's just about work and music, sports, nothing inappropriate. I HATED it and didn't trust it but I had to believe her. A little over a year ago I had enough of the suspicions and break into her email. I also found out that at a different conference a year later he tried to kiss my wife when they were alone in her hotel room watching TV on her bed and had been drinking again.
These are the types of emails I found:
When wife and I were at a friends wedding in 2011, wife wrote to OM from bathroom: "I know I shouldn't say this, but I really wish you were here. You're so great. I hope you know that. Take care, you." And sent a photo of herself.
When wife and I were in Las Vegas, wife sent photo of herself and wrote to OM: "The Cirque du Soleil show was amazing. I cried. I cried because you'd love it and I wanted you there. You'd really love it. I wish you were here : ("
Another night in 2011: Wife write to OM: "I'm thinking about the first time we met... saying good-bye in the elevator and me getting out on the wrong floor. I had no idea you noticed. I like that you noticed. OM to wife: "I forgot about your missed floor. That was pretty cute, actually." Wife to OM: "Cute, huh? I'm surprised. But then again I'm surprised you ever wanted to talk to me in the first place" OM to Wife: "It's pretty funny how quickly we gravitated toward each other. Can't believe that was four years ago." Wife to OM: "It was, wasn't it? I don't think I'd ever experienced that before... and haven't since. hmmm.... not sure I should say anymore..." OM to Wife: Sweet Dreams, (wife's name) : )
In Sept. 2010, Wife to OM: "After the 'wish you were here email,' I couldn't get the thought out of my head. Either that or I wish I was there. I seem to think it more and more. Which leads me to a state I can only refer to as... Awkward Bewilderment. So.. yeah... I am now feeling what I imagine you felt during our awkward phone conversation. Since I'm typing it, I thought it'd be less awkward... but it isn't."
Wife to OM in 2012: "there are also things I want to say and share with you that I know for many reasons, I can't. Timing really isn't our thing is it?"
Wife to OM: "When you were in Europe saying 'wish you were here,' I must confess I was happy at first, than terribly sad. There you were having these once-in-a-lifetime experiences and they weren't what you'd hoped. It seemed unfair to me. You deserved to enjoy every second. As much as I wanted to be traipsing around beautiful countryside, I also thought we'd have just as good a time together if it was raining and we had no power, or if we were stuck in an airport with a delayed flight. That's the thing about you that I can't seem to shake - no matter when I am, I think it'd be nice to have you there and no matter where you are, I think about how I could make sure you were not just OK, but happy and content."
Finally, Feb. 2013, day after valentines day: They had a conversation about a guy hitting on my wife. OM to Wife "I guess you can count me in the fraternity of dumb guys who hit on you. You're welcome :)" Wife to OM: "Oh Mr. (last name)... I said wrong, not dumb... but you are.... the singular exception to well.... everything.... for you I have wished and will forever wish for a time machine... now why can I be emotionally vulnerable and brutally honest with you but not that lame guy"
He sent her maybe 5 photos of himself. She sent about 35 of herself over the 5 years. Nothing sexual about the photos, they were clothed and smiling.
Keep in mind during all this time she is demanding that her and I make a baby.
OM has since divorced, but while divorcing got his exwife pregnant. OM now has another gf. Funny thing was, OM rarely responded to these types of messages from my wife. There wasn't much of it said on his part. (Could have been that since his ex got pregnant, he changed) My wife just threw them out there. But he didn't really acknowledge them. And when I confronted her about all of this she denied it then and still denies this was ever an emotional affair. Her reaction was to rage against me and said that my accusations were preposterous.
I look forward to your thoughts. Thank you.
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