Sorry this is going to be long.
Ok so I've known my boyfriend for about 5-6 years as we used to work together but we have only been going out since last September. Before we got together he was in a relationship with someone else that we both worked with. So about 2-3 weeks before he and his ex broke up we shared a bed together at a friends house after a night out (His ex had left for another job about a year before this) I had no intentions of doing anything with him and didn't expect he would either but I woke up an hour or 2 later to him kissing me on the neck. I was quite drunk and kissed him back and as much as I wanted things to escalate when I realised what I was doing I said we needed to stop as he had a girlfriend. He wouldn't give up for ages and I did kiss him again a few times but nothing else happened. I wanted to feel guilty but I'd secretly liked him for ages and I was actually really happy about what had happened. After a few days of hour long talks about random **** at work he told me it wasn't just sex he was after and that he had liked me for ages, so I told him I liked him too but there was no chance anything would happen with him having a girlfriend. Not too long after, he and his ex broke up and we went on our first date… the day they split. A few months later I'm so in love with him I'd never been happier in my life, we'd not had a single argument and the relationship was amazing. Then within the next few more months I was feeling like he was up to something. He'd still call me his ex's name from time to time and in text messages to me he'd call me by her nickname he gave her. He denied it was but I'd seen her number saved as that name on his phone when we first got together. He once sent me a photo of his new haircut when I'd just been talking to him on Skype for the past 2 hours so I'd seen it already. Just strange ****. He made me feel like I was ****ing insane so one day I went through his emails and I found loads of **** to his ex saying that he was so stupid for what he did, how much he missed her and that he still loves her and loads of other bull**** about him wanting to feel her body and kiss her. When I brought it up with him he said he didn't mean it and that he felt bad about how their relationship ended and that he wanted to make her feel better by telling her those things. I went ****ing mental and ended it with him but stupidly got back with him a few weeks later. The next few months were horrible. We were arguing constantly because I now had major trust issues with him and I was still so hurt from what he did. It was so bad that we both got violent sometimes. The last few months I've tried to stop bringing it up in arguments because it's not going to help but other than telling me he didn't mean it and he loves me he never did anything to make up for what he did. Nothing! He cooked me dinner once and that was it. Am I stupid in thinking he should have done ****ing everything?! Anyway, I still have trust issues and I give him **** every time he goes out with his mates. I think he's lied a few times about going out because of it which then makes me trust him less. I think I still love him, I'm not honestly sure but I do want to be with him. I just don't know how to get out of this **** patch we're in at the minute. I'm always thinking about what he did and it makes me feel sick. I don't think he cheated on me because his ex doesn't live in the same town anymore but I can't help but think he would have if she did. Am I overreacting to just a bunch of emails or is he a massive c**t? I know there was a lot more that I never saw too because he used to text her a lot but deleted them all. I don't want to end it, I want to make it the amazing relationship I know it could have been but I can't stop thinking about what he did. Any advice?
Thanks for taking the time to read
P.S I know I'm wrong for how we got together in the first place and Karma is a bitch.
Ok so I've known my boyfriend for about 5-6 years as we used to work together but we have only been going out since last September. Before we got together he was in a relationship with someone else that we both worked with. So about 2-3 weeks before he and his ex broke up we shared a bed together at a friends house after a night out (His ex had left for another job about a year before this) I had no intentions of doing anything with him and didn't expect he would either but I woke up an hour or 2 later to him kissing me on the neck. I was quite drunk and kissed him back and as much as I wanted things to escalate when I realised what I was doing I said we needed to stop as he had a girlfriend. He wouldn't give up for ages and I did kiss him again a few times but nothing else happened. I wanted to feel guilty but I'd secretly liked him for ages and I was actually really happy about what had happened. After a few days of hour long talks about random **** at work he told me it wasn't just sex he was after and that he had liked me for ages, so I told him I liked him too but there was no chance anything would happen with him having a girlfriend. Not too long after, he and his ex broke up and we went on our first date… the day they split. A few months later I'm so in love with him I'd never been happier in my life, we'd not had a single argument and the relationship was amazing. Then within the next few more months I was feeling like he was up to something. He'd still call me his ex's name from time to time and in text messages to me he'd call me by her nickname he gave her. He denied it was but I'd seen her number saved as that name on his phone when we first got together. He once sent me a photo of his new haircut when I'd just been talking to him on Skype for the past 2 hours so I'd seen it already. Just strange ****. He made me feel like I was ****ing insane so one day I went through his emails and I found loads of **** to his ex saying that he was so stupid for what he did, how much he missed her and that he still loves her and loads of other bull**** about him wanting to feel her body and kiss her. When I brought it up with him he said he didn't mean it and that he felt bad about how their relationship ended and that he wanted to make her feel better by telling her those things. I went ****ing mental and ended it with him but stupidly got back with him a few weeks later. The next few months were horrible. We were arguing constantly because I now had major trust issues with him and I was still so hurt from what he did. It was so bad that we both got violent sometimes. The last few months I've tried to stop bringing it up in arguments because it's not going to help but other than telling me he didn't mean it and he loves me he never did anything to make up for what he did. Nothing! He cooked me dinner once and that was it. Am I stupid in thinking he should have done ****ing everything?! Anyway, I still have trust issues and I give him **** every time he goes out with his mates. I think he's lied a few times about going out because of it which then makes me trust him less. I think I still love him, I'm not honestly sure but I do want to be with him. I just don't know how to get out of this **** patch we're in at the minute. I'm always thinking about what he did and it makes me feel sick. I don't think he cheated on me because his ex doesn't live in the same town anymore but I can't help but think he would have if she did. Am I overreacting to just a bunch of emails or is he a massive c**t? I know there was a lot more that I never saw too because he used to text her a lot but deleted them all. I don't want to end it, I want to make it the amazing relationship I know it could have been but I can't stop thinking about what he did. Any advice?
Thanks for taking the time to read
P.S I know I'm wrong for how we got together in the first place and Karma is a bitch.
Put the internet to work for you.
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