Fog lifts ... Then what?

My spouse was set to leave our house and move out with the OW. Affair started about 8 months ago; D-Day 3 months ago; I tried to convince my spouse to stop so we could rebuild but was always met with anger & irrationality & here are all the reasons it won't work & why OW is better. Spouse lived with me and spent time with me but continued to communicate & see OW. Spouse did try to break up with OW at one point but it was a total disaster & only lasted about a day & was such an emotional trainwreck I said I couldn't take this anymore. We put house on market, divided stuff, I accepted a job in a different town. Got myself mentally prepared to be divorced and alone after 12 year relationship. Then when literally packing the moving truck my spouse stopped everything and called me saying that it was all a mistake. My spouse begged me to return, admitted making an unforgivable mistake, was suddenly insightful and self-aware and willing to work on thin gs, go to therapy, etc. The fog had lifted, finally. I was shocked. But the catch was I had to say "yes, come back, let's try to make this work" immediately. If I didn't, my spouse would leave with the OW because she was a sure thing. In other words, my spouse wouldn't let the OW go unless I said yes, and I only had a day to decide. I felt this was unfair. It was devastating and heartbreaking but I felt like I had to say no. I needed more time to adjust to the changed circumstances. Aside from the affair, we had a few other major issues to work on. Going through the affair was so painful & I no longer trusted my spouse. So I said no and my spouse very very reluctantly left with the OW (who--weeping & pleading the whole time--had waited around to see what my decision would be). I miss my spouse--whom I still love very much--terribly. I don't know if I made a mistake or not. I would just like some outside perceptions on this situation. Posted via Mobile Device

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