Can I believe?

I have nowhere to go, and no one to talk to, so I'm hoping this site can help me. My wife doesn't like me talking to anyone about our personal life because she says it's none of their business. Honestly the reason I don't is because for some reason I feel the need to spare her the embarrassment. This is why... My wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 7. Growing up, she never felt good about herself, and says she never really got much attention from other guys. To me, she has always been the most amazing and beautiful person, up until the "events". Everything was amazing while we were dating. Then, about a month after we got married I noticed she would be on her computer while I went to bed. After some suspicion, and seeing the cell phone bill, I found out she was talking with a coworker, flirting, etc. After confronting her, she said it was over, and would not happen again. Years have gone by since then, and we now have 3 children. Last year I noticed her acting differently, constantly on her phone, and hiding it from me. After asking, she insisted nothing was wrong or going on. One day I came home to find a makeup bag on the bed filled with condoms. I immediately confronted her, and she said it was a joke given by a gf, teasing about getting pregnant again. I had been trying to talk to her during this time because she was always down. Two nights after finding the condoms, I tried to talk to her, and she started crying, so I went to the shelf in her closet where she kept a box of tissues, and got her a few. After seeing she was still upset and not wanting to talk, I got her the rest of the box of tissues, and when I picked them up this time, I could tell there was something else under the tissues. It was the empty box of condoms. I took them to her and said "OK, now you're going to talk". She immediately blamed me, said it's because I do nothing but accuse, which I never do. She said she texted, sent pics, and went to see a coworker, but all they did was make out, and then she said she told him "believe it or not, I do love my husband", and left. I had no idea what I was supposed to do or believe. After talking, again she said it would never happen again, and I forgave her. I'm leaving out many details, as I'm just trying to get this all typed out. At this same time, I knew she had another guy friend at work that she talked to. He had "issues" in his life, and was married himself, and I had no reason to think anything was going on. Oh how wrong I was. After the deal with the makeout guy, I noticed emails to this other coworker. Yes, I am a techy, and I have access to everything she has and does. I only check when I feel the need to, or if things just seem wrong. She said she only ever talked to this guy about his problems, as a friend, but I never once saw anything to that affect. The emails were flirty, but nothing difinitive. When I mentioned this to her, she said they were just friends, yes they flirted and she knew it was wrong, and promised not to do that anymore, as she was trying to gain my trust back. A month later, I saw more emails, talking the same way. Again, I confronted her, and she again said she messed up by flirting, that they were just friends, and she would not email him anymore. Months went by, our new baby was born, and I got another intuition. I checked her facebook account, and low and behold, she was messaging him, more flirty stuff. I confronted, she said they were just friends who liked to talk, but she would stop. Twice more I caught the messaging, same response. One day her cell phone broke so she had to get a new one. While without a phone, she logged onto her secrect email account, forgot to log out, which is how I saw. There were no messages, but the account username was willneverlearn26. I freaked out, confronted, and again she admitted to screwing up, that she just liked the attention but didn't want to hurt me. She promised to delete the account and stop talking to him altogether. A couple months went by, and she started being secretive with her phone again. After finally having a free moment to see her phone when she left it unattended, there were no messages, but the #1 most contacted person was this guy. We work separate shifts so that night I told her when she got home she was going to tell me the whole truth. If she didn't, I was leaving. If she did, depending on what she said, I still might leave. When she got home, she told me the truth, that she had slept with him a couple times the summer before, after she was already pregnant, and they realized it was stupid and just became "friends". I left for the night, and came back. I don't know why. I am so lost and don't know what to do. This was the beginning of July. Since then, it seems everything is finally done with this guy, but I don't know how to believe and trust her. I know if it wasn't for the kids, I would already be gone. She has been super nice to me since finding out, and it seems like she is honestly trying. My issue is that being nice is not the only thing I need to see that I am the man she loves and wants. If I bring it up, she gets defensive and says she will never meet my expectations. I know that was a long rant, and I don't know how to talk. I know it sounds like I am just weak, but as I said, I left out a lot of details. My main issue is I'm too forgiving, and I want to try and fix everything. I don't even know what I'm asking for by posting this, other than to just tell someone, instead of bottling it up. I'm sure everyone is going to say she will never change, and I should just leave. I guess what I'm looking for is whether there is any chance, and what I can do to get her to open up to me and show me, if she really does want me. GRRR...I'm just so frustrated, and ready to throw in the towel.

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