Trying to figure out how to move on

I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

We dated for 5 years. In that time period she lied to me a lot. Came close to cheating on me. Still though I stuck by and cared for her and her kids.

We broke up and she moved in with her mom. She has severe depression,a medical condition that does not allow her to work anymore.

For the past year since the breakup. My feelings have not changed. Whenever we get close to getting back together or one of the kids mentions that we are dating. She backs off and goes silent for days which of course drives me nuts.

A month or so ago,I was over there and her phone went off while she had it in her hand showing me something and there it was..a new message notification from a dating site. I pretended not to see it but obviously that didn't hold long. I finally confronted her about why she says that she can't date anyone if she's on a dating site. She replied with that she's on it because she keeps hoping she will find someone that will make her want too.

Talk about a slap in the face! I dwelled on it for a few days and talked to her about it and how it made me feel. Which of course resulted in her backing off and going silent for a few days till the other day when she called me and said she was having a really rough time and asked if I could come over. Which I did.

I should add in that I made a profile myself just to see if she was using it. (mistake I know) For the past two days ever since she has been on it nonstop. Earlier today,I finally told her that I can't do this anymore. I can't be her fallback guy till she finds someone. I told her that I'm certain that the reason she keeps me around is A)because I'm the only one she can count on B)she's not sure that I'm not the one. I told her that I can't be there till she finds someone and then no longer needs me. It's not fair to me.

I have now deleted her from my facebook. deleted her number. took all her pictures from my phone. I moved them to my computer in a file. I'm just not ready to delete them altogether. I love her. I mean I really love her. When we split (which was out of nowhere and took me offguard) I was planning out how I was going to propose.

I can't be friends with her. If I can't have her back then I know I just need to let her go. Which is difficult because I just want to message her and see what she's up too. What's the point though?

So my question is for those of you who have had to let go and move on..how did you do it? How did you keep it from hurting so much and not call them?

Put the internet to work for you.

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