So I found this article interesting:
My Husband; Five Reasons I Am Not Lucky to Have Him*|*Abi Oborne
The title is off-putting and a little deceptive but I understand what she's saying. Her husband is a partner in parenting and she's often told how lucky she is that he does his part.
But she's only lucky that he does his part if the assumption is still that it's mom's job to take care of kids. This belief is part of what drives the unfairness of the legal system where dads are concerned.....if it's seen as dad "helping" with the kids or dad "babysitting" instead of parenting his own kids that implies it's actually mom's job. So if it's mom's job it stands to reason that in the event of divorce the kids automatically go with her, and since that means that dad's only real contribution is bringing in money he should pay.
Are men with working wives routinely told how "lucky" they are that wife brings in money? I'd bet not nearly as often. I'd bet my husband is almost never told how lucky he is that his wife makes more than him but I have been told how lucky I am that he does dishes and "helps" around the house, even though it's his house too.
And if it's solely mom's job to parent then she can't earn as much with the distraction of the kids and dad needs to supplement that with alimony in the event of divorce.
See how unfair this really is to all of the great dads who are equal parenting partners and in some cases the primary parent? In a society that views kids as predominantly a woman's job the dads that take an equal to majority parent role are seen as outliers and don't get full credit for all that they do for their kids.
Of course much of this is generational, so it's apples and oranges to compare generations. A couple of generations ago it WAS mom's job to deal with kids and dad was a disciplinarian and a paycheck. That was pretty much it.
In fact from an evolutionary perspective that's a big reason that men died sooner, and that includes the ones that weren't killed in battle. It was a man's job to hunt and provide and once he got too old to do that he was useless. Women helped to take care of home and kids, even grandkids, so they had value into old age. Or course this is changing as society changes.
Of course if you make an agreement with your partner that one of you will predominantly parent the kids that's up to you but it shouldn't be based on the idea that it's a woman's job.....instead is should be based on the fact that for whatever reason it works for your family. That's just fine.
So let's get rid of this ridiculous idea that somehow women are "lucky" that dad "helps" because it's not good for either gender. Dad doesn't get extra kudos for doing his part as a parent because by today's standards he's supposed to be an equal parent. All of us who have great partners will give thanks for that and we'll continue our march toward true equality together, which in the end will benefit all of us.
I'm lucky to have my husband because he's a great husband and partner and he's lucky to have me because I'm a great wife and partner. At least he seems to think so :smile2:
So what does everyone think?
My Husband; Five Reasons I Am Not Lucky to Have Him*|*Abi Oborne
The title is off-putting and a little deceptive but I understand what she's saying. Her husband is a partner in parenting and she's often told how lucky she is that he does his part.
But she's only lucky that he does his part if the assumption is still that it's mom's job to take care of kids. This belief is part of what drives the unfairness of the legal system where dads are concerned.....if it's seen as dad "helping" with the kids or dad "babysitting" instead of parenting his own kids that implies it's actually mom's job. So if it's mom's job it stands to reason that in the event of divorce the kids automatically go with her, and since that means that dad's only real contribution is bringing in money he should pay.
Are men with working wives routinely told how "lucky" they are that wife brings in money? I'd bet not nearly as often. I'd bet my husband is almost never told how lucky he is that his wife makes more than him but I have been told how lucky I am that he does dishes and "helps" around the house, even though it's his house too.
And if it's solely mom's job to parent then she can't earn as much with the distraction of the kids and dad needs to supplement that with alimony in the event of divorce.
See how unfair this really is to all of the great dads who are equal parenting partners and in some cases the primary parent? In a society that views kids as predominantly a woman's job the dads that take an equal to majority parent role are seen as outliers and don't get full credit for all that they do for their kids.
Of course much of this is generational, so it's apples and oranges to compare generations. A couple of generations ago it WAS mom's job to deal with kids and dad was a disciplinarian and a paycheck. That was pretty much it.
In fact from an evolutionary perspective that's a big reason that men died sooner, and that includes the ones that weren't killed in battle. It was a man's job to hunt and provide and once he got too old to do that he was useless. Women helped to take care of home and kids, even grandkids, so they had value into old age. Or course this is changing as society changes.
Of course if you make an agreement with your partner that one of you will predominantly parent the kids that's up to you but it shouldn't be based on the idea that it's a woman's job.....instead is should be based on the fact that for whatever reason it works for your family. That's just fine.
So let's get rid of this ridiculous idea that somehow women are "lucky" that dad "helps" because it's not good for either gender. Dad doesn't get extra kudos for doing his part as a parent because by today's standards he's supposed to be an equal parent. All of us who have great partners will give thanks for that and we'll continue our march toward true equality together, which in the end will benefit all of us.
I'm lucky to have my husband because he's a great husband and partner and he's lucky to have me because I'm a great wife and partner. At least he seems to think so :smile2:
So what does everyone think?
Put the internet to work for you.
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