So I'm a new member as of a week or two ago, and I posted the history of my relationship/marriage the other night and asked if I should have her served the divorce papers then, or wait til I could get a sit down with her to see if there was any tiny chance at reconciliation. Well I decided to go ahead and have her served this past Saturday, and that's when things got crazy.
I got two back-to-back calls at 8:44am from the STBX which told me she probably just got served. I didn't answer but text her about 5 minutes later saying "you didn't want to work on anything, and made your position to be done with it all pretty clear. So what do you need to say" She responded that she needed to come get a lot of her clothes and personal effects that were here and it needed to be that day because "apparently I have 24 hours to get them or its trespassing." I tried to explain she didn't need to do it that day, she said she did, then told me to wake the kids up and get them out. I said no, she said screw you, and then she said she was coming that day regardless and I could either leave the kids there or get them out but it wouldn't go well if they were there. So I said I would get them out just to be patient. She said she was coming over at 10am, little over an hour after being served, and was just getting clothes and her teaching things (that's all the order a llowed her to get) and was bringing just her dad to help her carry things and asked if my parents would be here and I said no.
So I had got the kids to my parents and my STBX shows up with her dad AND HER CRAZY MOTHER, and the first place the STBX and her mother go are the kitchen and start loading up pans and pots and plates etc etc. So the first thing she does is start taking things she has no legal authority or right to take at this juncture.
Flash forward 20 minutes and the wife, even though she had told her friends she was trying to file and was just waiting on a meeting with her attorney to do it, starts playing the victim and me the ******* for me being the "one that quit the marriage". If had enough of her playing the victim, so I started shouting "I did this so you couldn't try to take the kids. You constantly ignored me. You didn't want to go to counseling..." She yells at me to "SHUT THE F*** UP!". I'm standing about 6 feet away from her when she picks up this pencil bag full of pencils and throws it at my head, I respond but just verbally telling her to "Settle your @$$ down!" So she picks up another bigger bag and throws it at my head. Then a third item which this time was a larger box filled with school/office supplies and throws that at my head. The STBX's mother is standing behind her doing nothing to stop her daughter from coming unglued.
This is when I see her dad come charging in through the front door right at me. He puts two hands on my chest and starts trying to drive me back. While yelling "hey you! You leave her alone!" Im 28, he is 60. I'm 6'4" and 275lbs, he is 5'6" and 175. I could have crushed him. But I didn't, I just put my hand on the back of his neck and start pushing toward the ground as he continues to try to drive me into the wall. All the while I'm yelling "I never touched her. I didn't touch your daughter."
About 2 seconds after he first put his hands on me, I got his head down, then my STBX jumps in and tries to kick me in my knees and is yelling "leave my dad alone." So I reposition my back to the center of the room, and he is still trying to drive, and my STBX follows around on my right side and starts to punch me in the arm. THEN the mom jumps in and starts hitting me on my back. So I'm being attacked in my own home, 3 on 1, with nobody there to witness on my behalf or help. Finally about maybe 30 seconds after it started, the dad stops coming forward so I let him up. And then I yell again "I NEVER F***ING TOUCHED YOUR DAUGHTER!" So then he yells back "WELL THEN YOU JUST GO SOT DOWN THEN." And I said I would.
So the next 15-20 minutes, I watch as they continually go around my house and carry out boxes of things that I don't even know what they contain. But at this point I know I'm missing knives with a knife block, video camera, pots/pans/kitchen tools (pizza cutter, whisk, tongs, spatulas, etc), color printer, almost all my dining room table chairs, all holiday decorations, amongst many other things.
So I decide on Sunday that I don't know this family anymore or what they are capable of (like faking bruises and scratches and a story to try to get their way with the kids and monies in divorce), and my bruises and scratches are getting a lot worse, so I decide I need to make some official report. So I call the police, but after 5 hours of waiting, I had to go get my kids, so I cancelled the call.
Today I called again, cop showed up, and I find out I can't just make a report like that and not press charges or have someone arrested. It's all out of my hands once they show up, so I'm forced to either tell my side, or they will just have to take the other sides word for it and go based off of that. So I told the officer everything, and I'm just waiting to hear from him to see if by me calling the cops, I'm going to end up creating a much worse situation for myself if they lie and can convince the cops it's truth and my story is lies, I end up going to jail and they not only get to assault me but get to take the kids away too.
I have to think, it was 3 vs 1, my house, I am the initial reporter, and have bruises all over both arms and my stomach and chest. So it would be hard to get 3 people that hashed out on the details to be able to lie about it really good for the cops to believe them, but I suppose it's possible. I actually feel guilty though. I don't want anybody to be charged or arrested, just wanted to have a proof card if they brought it up during custody hearings or something. Cop said though that there is likely more than enough evidence to arrest the dad and maybe the STBX. I guess that's domestic violence, and victims are taught to feel bad like "they deserved it" or "feel bad for anyone getting in trouble." But I have a Masters in Criminal Justice and have worked in Parole and a correctional facility, I should know better than to feel personally bad when someone else made a dumb decision and made me a victim. And then proceeded to use that physical altercation as a means to go all thro ughout the house and take things they weren't supposed to be taking.
Anyway, I guess I was just looking to the community for what they thought, and if anyone else had ever had something that crazy happen. And further, is there any reason I should feel bad at all?
See my brain thinks no I shouldn't and thinks he was lucky I've worked criminal justice jobs and have been trained how to stay calm in a fight, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to walk away and might have very well ended up in the hospital for an extended stay. But my heart and my conscience feel bad for escalating this to where someone could go to jail. And then extremely worried that they might somehow be able to lie and get me out in jail.
Anyway, what is everyone's reactions to that?
I got two back-to-back calls at 8:44am from the STBX which told me she probably just got served. I didn't answer but text her about 5 minutes later saying "you didn't want to work on anything, and made your position to be done with it all pretty clear. So what do you need to say" She responded that she needed to come get a lot of her clothes and personal effects that were here and it needed to be that day because "apparently I have 24 hours to get them or its trespassing." I tried to explain she didn't need to do it that day, she said she did, then told me to wake the kids up and get them out. I said no, she said screw you, and then she said she was coming that day regardless and I could either leave the kids there or get them out but it wouldn't go well if they were there. So I said I would get them out just to be patient. She said she was coming over at 10am, little over an hour after being served, and was just getting clothes and her teaching things (that's all the order a llowed her to get) and was bringing just her dad to help her carry things and asked if my parents would be here and I said no.
So I had got the kids to my parents and my STBX shows up with her dad AND HER CRAZY MOTHER, and the first place the STBX and her mother go are the kitchen and start loading up pans and pots and plates etc etc. So the first thing she does is start taking things she has no legal authority or right to take at this juncture.
Flash forward 20 minutes and the wife, even though she had told her friends she was trying to file and was just waiting on a meeting with her attorney to do it, starts playing the victim and me the ******* for me being the "one that quit the marriage". If had enough of her playing the victim, so I started shouting "I did this so you couldn't try to take the kids. You constantly ignored me. You didn't want to go to counseling..." She yells at me to "SHUT THE F*** UP!". I'm standing about 6 feet away from her when she picks up this pencil bag full of pencils and throws it at my head, I respond but just verbally telling her to "Settle your @$$ down!" So she picks up another bigger bag and throws it at my head. Then a third item which this time was a larger box filled with school/office supplies and throws that at my head. The STBX's mother is standing behind her doing nothing to stop her daughter from coming unglued.
This is when I see her dad come charging in through the front door right at me. He puts two hands on my chest and starts trying to drive me back. While yelling "hey you! You leave her alone!" Im 28, he is 60. I'm 6'4" and 275lbs, he is 5'6" and 175. I could have crushed him. But I didn't, I just put my hand on the back of his neck and start pushing toward the ground as he continues to try to drive me into the wall. All the while I'm yelling "I never touched her. I didn't touch your daughter."
About 2 seconds after he first put his hands on me, I got his head down, then my STBX jumps in and tries to kick me in my knees and is yelling "leave my dad alone." So I reposition my back to the center of the room, and he is still trying to drive, and my STBX follows around on my right side and starts to punch me in the arm. THEN the mom jumps in and starts hitting me on my back. So I'm being attacked in my own home, 3 on 1, with nobody there to witness on my behalf or help. Finally about maybe 30 seconds after it started, the dad stops coming forward so I let him up. And then I yell again "I NEVER F***ING TOUCHED YOUR DAUGHTER!" So then he yells back "WELL THEN YOU JUST GO SOT DOWN THEN." And I said I would.
So the next 15-20 minutes, I watch as they continually go around my house and carry out boxes of things that I don't even know what they contain. But at this point I know I'm missing knives with a knife block, video camera, pots/pans/kitchen tools (pizza cutter, whisk, tongs, spatulas, etc), color printer, almost all my dining room table chairs, all holiday decorations, amongst many other things.
So I decide on Sunday that I don't know this family anymore or what they are capable of (like faking bruises and scratches and a story to try to get their way with the kids and monies in divorce), and my bruises and scratches are getting a lot worse, so I decide I need to make some official report. So I call the police, but after 5 hours of waiting, I had to go get my kids, so I cancelled the call.
Today I called again, cop showed up, and I find out I can't just make a report like that and not press charges or have someone arrested. It's all out of my hands once they show up, so I'm forced to either tell my side, or they will just have to take the other sides word for it and go based off of that. So I told the officer everything, and I'm just waiting to hear from him to see if by me calling the cops, I'm going to end up creating a much worse situation for myself if they lie and can convince the cops it's truth and my story is lies, I end up going to jail and they not only get to assault me but get to take the kids away too.
I have to think, it was 3 vs 1, my house, I am the initial reporter, and have bruises all over both arms and my stomach and chest. So it would be hard to get 3 people that hashed out on the details to be able to lie about it really good for the cops to believe them, but I suppose it's possible. I actually feel guilty though. I don't want anybody to be charged or arrested, just wanted to have a proof card if they brought it up during custody hearings or something. Cop said though that there is likely more than enough evidence to arrest the dad and maybe the STBX. I guess that's domestic violence, and victims are taught to feel bad like "they deserved it" or "feel bad for anyone getting in trouble." But I have a Masters in Criminal Justice and have worked in Parole and a correctional facility, I should know better than to feel personally bad when someone else made a dumb decision and made me a victim. And then proceeded to use that physical altercation as a means to go all thro ughout the house and take things they weren't supposed to be taking.
Anyway, I guess I was just looking to the community for what they thought, and if anyone else had ever had something that crazy happen. And further, is there any reason I should feel bad at all?
See my brain thinks no I shouldn't and thinks he was lucky I've worked criminal justice jobs and have been trained how to stay calm in a fight, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to walk away and might have very well ended up in the hospital for an extended stay. But my heart and my conscience feel bad for escalating this to where someone could go to jail. And then extremely worried that they might somehow be able to lie and get me out in jail.
Anyway, what is everyone's reactions to that?
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