First allow me to say I am relieved to find a receptive forum like this to discuss infidelity matters. I don't know where else to turn right now... so thank you!
Now, I recently had a suspicion that my fiance was having some sort of affair. Whether emotional or physical I was not sure. Her phone, which was frequently just laying about was now always on her. She would text a LOT which is also very unusual. Not a lot to go on I know, but it did trigger a red flag in my mind. I should mention we have been together 12 years and have a 3 year old son that is our pride and joy.
I started doing a little digging. First I noticed that she had changed her iPhone password, which she always freely shared before and had used the same one for a long time. Well it didn't take much effort to see her enter the new password over her shoulder one afternoon.
I began to notice that she had been sending a lot of texts (as iMessages which don't show up on our bill as usage) to a guy . Sometimes in excess of 20 a day and on into the evenings. She had previously mentioned him as a co-worker. As I read through these messages they were harmless enough. Very friendly but nothing that gave me any evidence. I felt somewhat reassured.
Then one evening she got a text which she told me was from a girlfriend inviting her to an impromptu party near her (and our) house. It was after 10 pm and we had already polished off a bottle of wine. She said she wanted to go but could see I wasn't enthusiastic about her leaving under the circumstances. She decided not to go but there was some obvious disappointment. The next day I snooped into her text messages again and discovered that it was "the guy" who had pinged her about the party. He didn't actually invite her but her response to him was that she really wanted to go. Now I the alarm is going off. While the messages do appear to be platonic, lying about them is obviously very disconcerting.
At this point I should mention that we had hit a bit of a rough patch several weeks earlier. A large part of it was my fault. I had grown rather complacent in our relationship. We talked about it and I apologized, fully admitted my fault in the matter and vowed to try better. I honestly believe I have been doing so. Helping more around the house with chores. Being more actively involved in each other's lives. Expressing how much I love her and want her in my live. Her reactions to this were very positive. We very quickly became much more connected. She seemed genuinely happy. Our sex life improved dramatically. I felt like I had been given a second chance at life and have been truly enjoying taking advantage of that and being the man I should have been in our relationship all along.
For the past month or so, our relationship has felt better than it has in years! I've honestly been very happy. But at the same time there were those nagging doubts in my mind about the other guy. Texting with him stopped for a week or two and I thought maybe if there was something emotional going on there, she decided to end it and recommit to our relationship. Then a couple of days ago she reaches out to him again. Still platonic conversation but a little friendlier than I would expect between her and another man.
Last night I checked the phone before bed. She had sent him texts stating that she wanted to go have drinks with him. She said that she had lost too many people in her life to not be open with him. She laid some rather heavy compliments on him regarding his "melting chocolate" voice and his "Svengali eyes". (the latter is one she actually made to me early in our relationship). She then told him that she wondered if he felt the same about her and if not to please "not let it get weird between them". She said at the very least he should know that she finds him "hot". She closed the conversation by saying it was the fault of the wine that she had been drinking but that she was not apologetic for saying it.
I don't know what his response to all of this is as of yet. I know she knows we have a son, but I don't know that he knows of our relationship and that we are engaged to be married later this year.
I do now know that there is nothing physical going on yet but there is definitely something emotional going on. I am at a total loss for how to proceed. I genuinely feel dirty about going behind her back to snoop this stuff out. But I really felt I need to know by whatever means I have at my disposal. Part of me wants to confront her but I am deathly afraid of the outcome. She is obviously not above lying about the nature of their relationship. (Once she actually told me she thought he might be homosexual (not as a derogatory statement but one to dissuade me from suspecting anything I believe) and that he is extremely short.) I know I don't want to end the relationship. I love her dearly and want to keep our family together. She has acted like she is very happy with me of late. We've even renewed talks of investing some money in projects around the house, going out on more date nights, etc. She seems invested in the relationship. But then there is this guy... I don't know if I am just being totally played or if she really thinks she can "have her cake and eat it too".
I'd welcome any advice or comments you folks could share. Thank you for taking the time to read this! I'm very lost!
Now, I recently had a suspicion that my fiance was having some sort of affair. Whether emotional or physical I was not sure. Her phone, which was frequently just laying about was now always on her. She would text a LOT which is also very unusual. Not a lot to go on I know, but it did trigger a red flag in my mind. I should mention we have been together 12 years and have a 3 year old son that is our pride and joy.
I started doing a little digging. First I noticed that she had changed her iPhone password, which she always freely shared before and had used the same one for a long time. Well it didn't take much effort to see her enter the new password over her shoulder one afternoon.
I began to notice that she had been sending a lot of texts (as iMessages which don't show up on our bill as usage) to a guy . Sometimes in excess of 20 a day and on into the evenings. She had previously mentioned him as a co-worker. As I read through these messages they were harmless enough. Very friendly but nothing that gave me any evidence. I felt somewhat reassured.
Then one evening she got a text which she told me was from a girlfriend inviting her to an impromptu party near her (and our) house. It was after 10 pm and we had already polished off a bottle of wine. She said she wanted to go but could see I wasn't enthusiastic about her leaving under the circumstances. She decided not to go but there was some obvious disappointment. The next day I snooped into her text messages again and discovered that it was "the guy" who had pinged her about the party. He didn't actually invite her but her response to him was that she really wanted to go. Now I the alarm is going off. While the messages do appear to be platonic, lying about them is obviously very disconcerting.
At this point I should mention that we had hit a bit of a rough patch several weeks earlier. A large part of it was my fault. I had grown rather complacent in our relationship. We talked about it and I apologized, fully admitted my fault in the matter and vowed to try better. I honestly believe I have been doing so. Helping more around the house with chores. Being more actively involved in each other's lives. Expressing how much I love her and want her in my live. Her reactions to this were very positive. We very quickly became much more connected. She seemed genuinely happy. Our sex life improved dramatically. I felt like I had been given a second chance at life and have been truly enjoying taking advantage of that and being the man I should have been in our relationship all along.
For the past month or so, our relationship has felt better than it has in years! I've honestly been very happy. But at the same time there were those nagging doubts in my mind about the other guy. Texting with him stopped for a week or two and I thought maybe if there was something emotional going on there, she decided to end it and recommit to our relationship. Then a couple of days ago she reaches out to him again. Still platonic conversation but a little friendlier than I would expect between her and another man.
Last night I checked the phone before bed. She had sent him texts stating that she wanted to go have drinks with him. She said that she had lost too many people in her life to not be open with him. She laid some rather heavy compliments on him regarding his "melting chocolate" voice and his "Svengali eyes". (the latter is one she actually made to me early in our relationship). She then told him that she wondered if he felt the same about her and if not to please "not let it get weird between them". She said at the very least he should know that she finds him "hot". She closed the conversation by saying it was the fault of the wine that she had been drinking but that she was not apologetic for saying it.
I don't know what his response to all of this is as of yet. I know she knows we have a son, but I don't know that he knows of our relationship and that we are engaged to be married later this year.
I do now know that there is nothing physical going on yet but there is definitely something emotional going on. I am at a total loss for how to proceed. I genuinely feel dirty about going behind her back to snoop this stuff out. But I really felt I need to know by whatever means I have at my disposal. Part of me wants to confront her but I am deathly afraid of the outcome. She is obviously not above lying about the nature of their relationship. (Once she actually told me she thought he might be homosexual (not as a derogatory statement but one to dissuade me from suspecting anything I believe) and that he is extremely short.) I know I don't want to end the relationship. I love her dearly and want to keep our family together. She has acted like she is very happy with me of late. We've even renewed talks of investing some money in projects around the house, going out on more date nights, etc. She seems invested in the relationship. But then there is this guy... I don't know if I am just being totally played or if she really thinks she can "have her cake and eat it too".
I'd welcome any advice or comments you folks could share. Thank you for taking the time to read this! I'm very lost!
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