Well, I've always been a very fragile person. Low self-esteem, no self-respect, and so on... I never really enjoyed being me, which is sad. I'm an 18 year-old boy, by the way.
But, almost 1 year ago, I met the most wonderful person. He was a Muslim (yes, he was Muslim and gay) - and we met virtually. I had always been a bit reluctant when it came to 'long-distance relationships' so I tried to avoid falling for him as much as I could. Thing is, he didn't give up. I played hard to get, but eventually, I gave in. He made me feel like I was the most important thing on Earth - And life, suddenly, became nice.
After a while, he cheated on me, something which took me a while to forgive, but I managed to because my love for him was too intense. I cried a lot about it, I called him many names, but he had this strange ability to manipulate me, almost as if he used my own vulnerabilities as weapons against me.
Although I forgave him, I never really forgot, and that made me doubt the veracity of his words, so I began to pressure him by saying we had to see each other - I insisted a lot and he came to visit me. I had no idea what happiness was until he came - And I doubt I'll ever feel that sort of happiness ever again. We talked, we laughed, we made love, it was all perfect, felt like a dream, to be honest.
The real problem appeared when he went back. He was no longer the same man... He was distant, and cold, and I started to question myself: ''What have I done? It has to be my fault! I ruined everything!'' I thought all this because I was a virgin, therefore I had no experience.
He wouldn't answer my questions anymore, he pretended to care about my feelings and he'd say he was busy all the time. He couldn't make time for me anymore! I was destroyed, my best friend, my 'soul-mate' was losing interest in me and I couldn't accept that.
I cried a lot, and he confessed that he couldn't be gay. He said: ''I'm sorry, but I can't do this. My priority has to be my family. I know I promised you many things, and I'm sorry for that, but I'm with a girl now, who my family approves, and I'm truly happy now - This feels right... I'm Religious now, Allah forgives me.''
I couldn't believe my eyes. I asked: ''If you knew we would never be together, then why did you promise me so many things? Why did you give me false hope? That's not fair, that's painful, that's not something a Religious man would do.''
I can't understand how this happened, I'm devastated, lost, hopeless, tired of trusting people, I'm so very exhausted of breathing, eating is an obligation... I'm done with all of it, to be honest.
How could someone hurt me like this? How could someone lie so much? He blocked me everywhere, I never heard from him again ever since that day.
Help me, please. How can a man who loves men, ever find happiness with a woman? He could be bi, I know, but his favorite pass-time was to show his ***** online in exchange of the same thing from others... So men are what he feels attracted to.
How can I fix myself after something like this? I curse the day I met him everyday, but that doesn't really help.
Put the internet to work for you.
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