I never thought I'd turn so depressed or liken to a curmudgeon. I sometimes just argue for the sake of arguing (with my wife or blood relatives). Some of my family probably think "he's the crazy uncle". I don't want to be that guy but I think I am.
I've always been somewhat of a moody person (although I can be good natured more than not) but now that I'm on the fast track toward being older (will be 55 this year), I just allow stupid things to set me off. My wife claims I'm suffering from manopause (she is going through menopause).
I did have a crappy childhood, dad did not physically abuse me, he wasn't what I call mean, but he was cruel. I've gone to counseling in recent years (off and on), but I think for some things that window of opportunity passes to fix certain parts of a person. This is not an excuse and refuse to use it as one. I'm pretty sure my military service did little to offset my emotional rhythm. It is likely just me getting old and the crappy "me" is just getting worse.
I can get out of bed most days, as I start it with five mile run with my dog. But, I just don't get much joy out of my career these days. I can put on a good face but after 20+ years, I wish I did something else.
My joys are still my family. After 20 (21st anniversary this year) years I still love my wife. I love my boys and would die for them if I had to. I get joy from playing music (jamming on my bass with friends). Although I can't say I love working out, I do it daily and when I miss a day I definitely go into a real funk. I'm in better shape now than even 10 years ago when I wallowed my sorrows in the bottle. So, yes, I'm a sober alcoholic, which complicates my feelings... Just want to sometimes drown my depression on some days. Really, by all indicators all should be good, but it is not.
I really hope this is not me to end. If it is, I hope the end is sooner than latter. Ugh.
I've always been somewhat of a moody person (although I can be good natured more than not) but now that I'm on the fast track toward being older (will be 55 this year), I just allow stupid things to set me off. My wife claims I'm suffering from manopause (she is going through menopause).
I did have a crappy childhood, dad did not physically abuse me, he wasn't what I call mean, but he was cruel. I've gone to counseling in recent years (off and on), but I think for some things that window of opportunity passes to fix certain parts of a person. This is not an excuse and refuse to use it as one. I'm pretty sure my military service did little to offset my emotional rhythm. It is likely just me getting old and the crappy "me" is just getting worse.
I can get out of bed most days, as I start it with five mile run with my dog. But, I just don't get much joy out of my career these days. I can put on a good face but after 20+ years, I wish I did something else.
My joys are still my family. After 20 (21st anniversary this year) years I still love my wife. I love my boys and would die for them if I had to. I get joy from playing music (jamming on my bass with friends). Although I can't say I love working out, I do it daily and when I miss a day I definitely go into a real funk. I'm in better shape now than even 10 years ago when I wallowed my sorrows in the bottle. So, yes, I'm a sober alcoholic, which complicates my feelings... Just want to sometimes drown my depression on some days. Really, by all indicators all should be good, but it is not.
I really hope this is not me to end. If it is, I hope the end is sooner than latter. Ugh.
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