I recently deleted a thread I had in the Sex in Marriage forum because I thought it was pointless and misplaced.
Marriage is a sexual relationship and the glue that holds a couple together, but if the structure is faulty already, glue won't help a whole lot?
I used to get all hung up on the HD/LD malarkey, but it's just another excuse they can use or you can hold on to, to justify a sad situation to yourself. To me, it's black and white, if you love someone, are attracted to someone and want to be married to someone, you will want to have sex with them period. If it becomes a medical or physical issue, there are plenty of solutions.
I'll be 51 next week and it's depressing to know that I've spent 27 years between 2 marriages that just weren't meant to be. I've learned in life that just because you want something and give your all for it, there is no guarantee that you'll get it.
I've been emotionally separating myself and realizing more every day of what a sham this has been. She thinks being a good and caring friend is the same as being a wife and she just doesn't get it?
Most won't agree with this, but I have no plans to physically leave my house, lose my financial freedom and all of the other good perks, we will just become official roommates, which except for my changed mindset, things won't be too different. We even still sleep in the same bed, we don't go to sleep at the same time and it's large enough that we don't touch anyway. This doesn't even bother me anymore either, our bed is for sleeping and nothing else and that's what I use it for. We don't have a guest bedroom so I'm fine with this.
I have no desire to ever do this again, so twistingly, staying is my security blanket from ever trying?, even if it costs me the rest of my life being lonely. Lonely trumps repeated heartbreak every time, been there, done that, twice. After my first wife cheated, because she wanted to be single again, it took me a few years to recover, emotionally and financially, and once I did, I was okay, still lonely, but functioning. I should have stayed single.
I don't plan on becoming a jerk toward her, I just will no longer look at her as my wife, only as a good friend. We haven't been close in so long, again it won't be really any different. She probably won't notice at all. I'm not a hateful vindictive person so I couldn't be purposely mean to her, even if I wanted to. But I'm also a very affectionate person and that I'm changing, because I have to.
Like I said on my previous thread, I have way too much to lose by divorcing and nothing to gain and she is in the same boat. If either of us change our minds, we'll cross that bridge if it gets here?
Marriage is a sexual relationship and the glue that holds a couple together, but if the structure is faulty already, glue won't help a whole lot?
I used to get all hung up on the HD/LD malarkey, but it's just another excuse they can use or you can hold on to, to justify a sad situation to yourself. To me, it's black and white, if you love someone, are attracted to someone and want to be married to someone, you will want to have sex with them period. If it becomes a medical or physical issue, there are plenty of solutions.
I'll be 51 next week and it's depressing to know that I've spent 27 years between 2 marriages that just weren't meant to be. I've learned in life that just because you want something and give your all for it, there is no guarantee that you'll get it.
I've been emotionally separating myself and realizing more every day of what a sham this has been. She thinks being a good and caring friend is the same as being a wife and she just doesn't get it?
Most won't agree with this, but I have no plans to physically leave my house, lose my financial freedom and all of the other good perks, we will just become official roommates, which except for my changed mindset, things won't be too different. We even still sleep in the same bed, we don't go to sleep at the same time and it's large enough that we don't touch anyway. This doesn't even bother me anymore either, our bed is for sleeping and nothing else and that's what I use it for. We don't have a guest bedroom so I'm fine with this.
I have no desire to ever do this again, so twistingly, staying is my security blanket from ever trying?, even if it costs me the rest of my life being lonely. Lonely trumps repeated heartbreak every time, been there, done that, twice. After my first wife cheated, because she wanted to be single again, it took me a few years to recover, emotionally and financially, and once I did, I was okay, still lonely, but functioning. I should have stayed single.
I don't plan on becoming a jerk toward her, I just will no longer look at her as my wife, only as a good friend. We haven't been close in so long, again it won't be really any different. She probably won't notice at all. I'm not a hateful vindictive person so I couldn't be purposely mean to her, even if I wanted to. But I'm also a very affectionate person and that I'm changing, because I have to.
Like I said on my previous thread, I have way too much to lose by divorcing and nothing to gain and she is in the same boat. If either of us change our minds, we'll cross that bridge if it gets here?
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