Recently I've had serious internal turmoil due to anti-marriage thoughts, personal insecurities, & reading some internet site contents.
My life situation is as follows: Both my wife & I are 30 yo. We've been married for 3 years. We both work full-time and love our jobs but I am the higher earner 5 to 1 for a total annual income >500K. Financially, we're very comfortable, esp. given that we are both low maintenance. We have tried to have kids for 2 years and after fertility treatments, my wife is now pregnant @ 14 weeks. We have a relatively healthy marriage and our sex life has not dried up even in her first trimester of pregnancy.
My wife is a good healthy-minded person who will become an outstanding mother. I know this 100% in my heart. She is kind, loving, attentive, loyal, honest, & energetic. She has no complexes, which I find so rare. She is very very low maintenance. We got shopping, I end up buying clothes. We got to paris, I end up buying shoes. We earn **** loads of $$, she buys a scooter and not a luxury car.
While my wife is not a knockout (like 9 or 10/10 as guys like to rate it, lol), she is beautiful. I am not gonna rate her looks but I think we look great together. Sure, I could do better in the looks department because of my status/$$/charisma, but I look at the whole picture and I am in a good place, I think.
Here is the problem: I keep having what you might call sexist & misogynistic thoughts, which are then worsened by reading websites such as Return Of Kings - news, commentary, and lifestyle advice for masculine men. Basically here are some of my thoughts which are incompatible with marriage/family formation:
-Marriage & monogamy are for males with no better options (for example for beta males who have no charisma/pick-up abilities or for those with no resources/$$/status)
-Goal of life for a true masculine man is to have sex with a variety of women and esp. of younger woman as he gets older.
-Women age terribly and men will not be attracted to them later in life. Thus, being married to someone of same age is doomed or fail or end in misery
-A woman's value significantly depends on her fertility and beauty. A man's value significantly depends on his resources, intellect, and character
-A high status man should never get married because marriage laws punish higher earners and since divorce rates are high, you will be screwed
So as you see, these are not healthy thoughts but are fully promoted by many pro-male websites out there. Deep inside, I want to love my wife and ensure a happy long-lasting marriage, but part of me is scared that I am no better than the primitive animal I descended from. I fear that I will eventually cheat or leave my wife esp. as midlife approaches in the next 15-20 years. I fear emotional and financial ruin caused by my future self. Sometimes I get so consumed by my thoughts that I think my wife should just abort this baby and we should get divorced so I can be free.
Btw, my wife knows most of this stuff. I've caused her much pain but sharing my thoughts. Although she disagrees with these thoughts, she has supported me so far. She is getting tired though. I have seen counsellors/psychologists but no one seems to be able to address the root of my problems. I am insecure about many things: an unhappy sex-less future marriage, missing out on "all the fun", being labeled as a beta male, divorce, etc.
I guess here are my questions, esp. for the males on this website:
-Can a successful/fit/decent looking man be a good husband/father and not stray?
-Are my thoughts extreme/misogynistic/irrational? Or are these thoughts normal and part of the pain a married man endures?
-Is physical attraction to a wife of the same age sustainable over time? Is the sex life in such marriage sustainable?
-Are freedom/lack of responsibility/promiscuity for a man as good as some would claim?
- Are marriage/kids/family worth it at the end of the day?
I would greatly appreciate your thoughts. I am truly a conflicted individual. I never thought that I would one day make life so anxious/miserable for myself, despite most elements being in good order (good wife, excellent job, financial security, etc).
My life situation is as follows: Both my wife & I are 30 yo. We've been married for 3 years. We both work full-time and love our jobs but I am the higher earner 5 to 1 for a total annual income >500K. Financially, we're very comfortable, esp. given that we are both low maintenance. We have tried to have kids for 2 years and after fertility treatments, my wife is now pregnant @ 14 weeks. We have a relatively healthy marriage and our sex life has not dried up even in her first trimester of pregnancy.
My wife is a good healthy-minded person who will become an outstanding mother. I know this 100% in my heart. She is kind, loving, attentive, loyal, honest, & energetic. She has no complexes, which I find so rare. She is very very low maintenance. We got shopping, I end up buying clothes. We got to paris, I end up buying shoes. We earn **** loads of $$, she buys a scooter and not a luxury car.
While my wife is not a knockout (like 9 or 10/10 as guys like to rate it, lol), she is beautiful. I am not gonna rate her looks but I think we look great together. Sure, I could do better in the looks department because of my status/$$/charisma, but I look at the whole picture and I am in a good place, I think.
Here is the problem: I keep having what you might call sexist & misogynistic thoughts, which are then worsened by reading websites such as Return Of Kings - news, commentary, and lifestyle advice for masculine men. Basically here are some of my thoughts which are incompatible with marriage/family formation:
-Marriage & monogamy are for males with no better options (for example for beta males who have no charisma/pick-up abilities or for those with no resources/$$/status)
-Goal of life for a true masculine man is to have sex with a variety of women and esp. of younger woman as he gets older.
-Women age terribly and men will not be attracted to them later in life. Thus, being married to someone of same age is doomed or fail or end in misery
-A woman's value significantly depends on her fertility and beauty. A man's value significantly depends on his resources, intellect, and character
-A high status man should never get married because marriage laws punish higher earners and since divorce rates are high, you will be screwed
So as you see, these are not healthy thoughts but are fully promoted by many pro-male websites out there. Deep inside, I want to love my wife and ensure a happy long-lasting marriage, but part of me is scared that I am no better than the primitive animal I descended from. I fear that I will eventually cheat or leave my wife esp. as midlife approaches in the next 15-20 years. I fear emotional and financial ruin caused by my future self. Sometimes I get so consumed by my thoughts that I think my wife should just abort this baby and we should get divorced so I can be free.
Btw, my wife knows most of this stuff. I've caused her much pain but sharing my thoughts. Although she disagrees with these thoughts, she has supported me so far. She is getting tired though. I have seen counsellors/psychologists but no one seems to be able to address the root of my problems. I am insecure about many things: an unhappy sex-less future marriage, missing out on "all the fun", being labeled as a beta male, divorce, etc.
I guess here are my questions, esp. for the males on this website:
-Can a successful/fit/decent looking man be a good husband/father and not stray?
-Are my thoughts extreme/misogynistic/irrational? Or are these thoughts normal and part of the pain a married man endures?
-Is physical attraction to a wife of the same age sustainable over time? Is the sex life in such marriage sustainable?
-Are freedom/lack of responsibility/promiscuity for a man as good as some would claim?
- Are marriage/kids/family worth it at the end of the day?
I would greatly appreciate your thoughts. I am truly a conflicted individual. I never thought that I would one day make life so anxious/miserable for myself, despite most elements being in good order (good wife, excellent job, financial security, etc).
Put the internet to work for you.
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