Another thread made me question my own sanity since quitting booze a few years back. Although I always said "I quit for good" there have been a few times I slipped, but through these slips it has given me some glimpses of non-alcoholic me and alcoholic me.
Going off the booze seems to be bringing up mentalities that I had in my youth, mentalities in relation to psychopathy and lack of empathy, which ironically I found was an adaptive trait based on circumstances, I had to be to survive.
Reflecting on it, it seems my psychopathy is rather borderline, I still feel compassion and mercy, yet when confronted with folks who I consider to have lost their humanity; racists/rapists/pedos, I can't see them as human.
With the booze it seems to have drowned it, I still hated them, but it wasn't as cold. I was more forgiving, less prone to premature judgement, and just more sociable. Nowadays one sign of it even a hint and I dehumanise an individual completely, racists being the most common in public, pedos/rapists in jails that I haven't been in for many years. I wait like a hungry wolf for one sign of an offense or a threat from them before justifying violence which I have always enjoyed.
Within my social circles I still hold onto my mates, but I admit, I have drank a few times... so I didn't go all cold turkey. Yet I'm finding it increasingly difficult to desire to meet new people without alcohol.
Just finding it difficult to find myself after so many years living with booze I seem to have experienced a personality switch but a personality switch that revealed that the sober me has not yet evolved from my time within the criminal elements of society during my youth.
Been talking to my counsellor but I don't know, opinions?
Going off the booze seems to be bringing up mentalities that I had in my youth, mentalities in relation to psychopathy and lack of empathy, which ironically I found was an adaptive trait based on circumstances, I had to be to survive.
Reflecting on it, it seems my psychopathy is rather borderline, I still feel compassion and mercy, yet when confronted with folks who I consider to have lost their humanity; racists/rapists/pedos, I can't see them as human.
With the booze it seems to have drowned it, I still hated them, but it wasn't as cold. I was more forgiving, less prone to premature judgement, and just more sociable. Nowadays one sign of it even a hint and I dehumanise an individual completely, racists being the most common in public, pedos/rapists in jails that I haven't been in for many years. I wait like a hungry wolf for one sign of an offense or a threat from them before justifying violence which I have always enjoyed.
Within my social circles I still hold onto my mates, but I admit, I have drank a few times... so I didn't go all cold turkey. Yet I'm finding it increasingly difficult to desire to meet new people without alcohol.
Just finding it difficult to find myself after so many years living with booze I seem to have experienced a personality switch but a personality switch that revealed that the sober me has not yet evolved from my time within the criminal elements of society during my youth.
Been talking to my counsellor but I don't know, opinions?
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