Hi
I would appreciate any feedback if anyone has any advice. I have 2 daughters, one is 20 years old with whom I have a good relationship, she is loving , kind and very understanding and over the years has never disrespected me. I also have a 17 year old daughter with whom I sometimes have a good relationship but mostly have a very troublesome relationship.
Over the years she has often disrespected me and recently it has esculated. When her sister and her were younger and lived under the same roof there were a lot of fights between them and the younger one had a tendancy to be more physically aggressive towards her sister to the point where the older one would lock herself in the room to get away from her sister.
My 17 year old and I often have shouting matches and they go something like this: I say I can't do something or allow something for eg. pay for her to go to gymn or let her have friends over that weekend. She will stand and shout at me, saying it's bull**** and go on a full verbal attack of how terrible I am.
The truth is we are battling financially and already behind in some of our accounts because my husband is self employed and doesn't always have enough work on.
When I try to discipline her for her disrespectful way by telling her she can't have friends over or go out she tells me she will go out. If I tell her she needs to stop talking to me in such a disrespectful way she will tell me she isn't and that she is just defending herself and standing up for herself and start accusing me of all sorts of things.
I'm told I am useless, stupid, a bad mother and anything else nasty she feels like throwing. The other night I had enough of her shouting and belittling me because I couldn't do or give something, I had tried to reason with her why I couldn't afford it and it only ended up in a shouting match, she threatened to start smoking and the shouting got out of hand, after she insulted me one too many times I smacked her across the cheek (I haven't done this to her before). She turned around and hit me hard in the face with what felt like a closed fist and lifted her hand to hit me a second time but she stopped herself. I shouldn't have smacked her across the cheek and apologized for that. It shocks me that she can hit me but some may say it shouldn't shock me because I shouldn't have smacked her across the cheek.
Years ago I can remember giving her one smack on the backside for rude behavior and she turn around and hit me on the arm.
The truth is I am at a point that when she finishes school I want her to move out and live somewhere else because I am tired of her behavior. She doesn't care how she talks to me and will say what she wants because she feels she has a right to. Her sister has tried talking to her about her behavior but she doesn't see any wrong in what she does and points to me or her stepdad as being the problem. She did stay with her aunt and uncle for a short time during the time that my husband and I were having problems in the marriage but her aunt and her had a fall out because of her behavior which was disrespectful. I did insist that she make amends which she did so there is no relationship problem there.
My husband who is her stepfather usually leaves the house or room when an argument starts between her and I because he doesn't like the way she talks to me and he feels if he stays he will end up smacking her on the backside. She doesn't respect him either because he did go thru a period where he was out with friends a lot and drinking this caused problems for us and also in their relationship although he never lifted his hands to her or me when he was drinking. He has since made steps to stop this behavior and our marriage has improved.
She has a good relationship with her real dad but he is medically boarded and lives with family in another province so only gets to see him about 2 times a year although he does phone her often.
I would appreciate any feedback if anyone has any advice. I have 2 daughters, one is 20 years old with whom I have a good relationship, she is loving , kind and very understanding and over the years has never disrespected me. I also have a 17 year old daughter with whom I sometimes have a good relationship but mostly have a very troublesome relationship.
Over the years she has often disrespected me and recently it has esculated. When her sister and her were younger and lived under the same roof there were a lot of fights between them and the younger one had a tendancy to be more physically aggressive towards her sister to the point where the older one would lock herself in the room to get away from her sister.
My 17 year old and I often have shouting matches and they go something like this: I say I can't do something or allow something for eg. pay for her to go to gymn or let her have friends over that weekend. She will stand and shout at me, saying it's bull**** and go on a full verbal attack of how terrible I am.
The truth is we are battling financially and already behind in some of our accounts because my husband is self employed and doesn't always have enough work on.
When I try to discipline her for her disrespectful way by telling her she can't have friends over or go out she tells me she will go out. If I tell her she needs to stop talking to me in such a disrespectful way she will tell me she isn't and that she is just defending herself and standing up for herself and start accusing me of all sorts of things.
I'm told I am useless, stupid, a bad mother and anything else nasty she feels like throwing. The other night I had enough of her shouting and belittling me because I couldn't do or give something, I had tried to reason with her why I couldn't afford it and it only ended up in a shouting match, she threatened to start smoking and the shouting got out of hand, after she insulted me one too many times I smacked her across the cheek (I haven't done this to her before). She turned around and hit me hard in the face with what felt like a closed fist and lifted her hand to hit me a second time but she stopped herself. I shouldn't have smacked her across the cheek and apologized for that. It shocks me that she can hit me but some may say it shouldn't shock me because I shouldn't have smacked her across the cheek.
Years ago I can remember giving her one smack on the backside for rude behavior and she turn around and hit me on the arm.
The truth is I am at a point that when she finishes school I want her to move out and live somewhere else because I am tired of her behavior. She doesn't care how she talks to me and will say what she wants because she feels she has a right to. Her sister has tried talking to her about her behavior but she doesn't see any wrong in what she does and points to me or her stepdad as being the problem. She did stay with her aunt and uncle for a short time during the time that my husband and I were having problems in the marriage but her aunt and her had a fall out because of her behavior which was disrespectful. I did insist that she make amends which she did so there is no relationship problem there.
My husband who is her stepfather usually leaves the house or room when an argument starts between her and I because he doesn't like the way she talks to me and he feels if he stays he will end up smacking her on the backside. She doesn't respect him either because he did go thru a period where he was out with friends a lot and drinking this caused problems for us and also in their relationship although he never lifted his hands to her or me when he was drinking. He has since made steps to stop this behavior and our marriage has improved.
She has a good relationship with her real dad but he is medically boarded and lives with family in another province so only gets to see him about 2 times a year although he does phone her often.
Put the internet to work for you.
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